


Confronting the Abyss

by lbc



Category: The Professionals
Genre: M/M, problems in partnership
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-30
Updated: 2011-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 64,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbc/pseuds/lbc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jase, an old acquaintance from Bodie's merc days re-enters Bodie's life and causes numerous problems for the partnership.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confronting the Abyss

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Roven for her wonderful artwork and to the moderators for their patience and help.

Title:  Confronting the Abyss

Author:  lbc

Word Count:  32,472

Pairing:  B/D, but D suspects otherwise

 

Note:  Please note that the timeline I have used for the episodes does not follow the series, but they seemed to fit my storyline better.

 

 

 _“Sorry, mate, can’t stay.  Got a hot date tonight.”_ With those words Bodie waggled his eyebrows in a lascivious manner and walked out the door.

 

Ray Doyle continued to stare into the rapidly darkening evening.  He stood at the only window in his flat that fronted the street.  Cowley’s demand for security always made windows the number one taboo on the security list, but Doyle somehow had lucked out and got a flat with one small window.

 

He had stared out that window for what seemed like hours, but it probably had been less than a half hour.  For a few minutes, his hopes burgeoned as Bodie seemed to sit in his Capri staring at something or nothing, but then his partner engaged the gear and was off to whatever “hot date” was awaiting him.

 

Doyle sighed.  That same scene had been played out so many times in the last few months.  Maybe not the same words or the same scenario, but time after time when Doyle had asked his friend to stick around for a meal or a drink or just to watch a match and the response always was the same, “Sorry, mate, gotta go.”

 

In a lot of ways Bodie’s recent attitude reminded him of their early days together. It had definitely not been the best way to begin.  When Cowley had first partnered the two men, antagonism had been so high on the Richter scale with a magnitude better than 8.9 that molten magma seemed to spew forth from the hot tempered Ray Doyle, bludgeoning its way into the cold personality of WAP Bodie.  But, as in the instance of all magma/lava, its cooling formed new land and much like that land, Ray Doyle and William Bodie formed a solid friendship that had a rock solid foundation. 

 

Their partnership marvelled everyone at CI5 because, while they were called the Bisto Kids, Cowley was much more accurate in his appellation of Chalk and Cheese.  They were different from each other: in backgrounds, personalities, and their views of the part morality played in their activities, but they had made it work, and then one day Ray Doyle was shot in the leg while trying to bring the killers of Ann Seaford to justice.

 

Bodie had followed his zealous partner on his journey to vindicate Ann Seaford’s desire to save her daughter from a life of hell.  Doyle had been faintly disturbed by Bodie’s attitude about “nice girls”, but it had been Bodie who had left his date behind in Doyle’s flat and had followed the green-eyed golli on his mission to find Ann Seaford.  Bodie had also been the one who had accompanied the skinny CI5 agent to Seaford’s grave site when Doyle placed flowers on the dead woman’s grave.

 

Doyle had been angry; his seething fury had kept him going, but, at the end, Doyle had collapsed as he re-entered his flat after the graveside visit.  Bodie had been there, waiting quietly, until his partner had settled down.  It had been Bodie who had poured a couple of stiff drinks, handing one to his distraught friend.  It had been Bodie whose ultra clean white handkerchief had magically appeared to wipe away the moisture from Doyle’s red eyes.  It had been Bodie who had pulled Doyle into his warm embrace and lightly kissed the curly mop below his chin. 

 

Very early in his arrival at CI5, William Bodie had made it very clear to everyone that he needed no one.  He was quite capable of working solo and had done so quite well many times before, but it was readily apparent to George Cowley, who had recruited the young man from the Paras that Bodie had no anchor, and if his past work record was any proof, he would not stay but a measured amount of time, therefore, something had to be done, and Ray Doyle was the solution.

 

Now over four years into their partnership, the two men were inseparable.  The rumours about their closeness had started after one too many injuries had kept one or the other partner in the hospital for a certain amount of time.

 

Although the two men’s prowess with the female population was legendary, many CI5 agents also noted the frequency with which each man seemed to dump the latest conquest - - they were always doing the dumping or the two men were being dumped for having to cancel a date or forgetting a date or whatever, but they never dumped each other.

 

Sex became part of their relationship soon after the Ann Seaford incident.  It had begun with the kiss, but had soon exploded into hot, searing need to vent the frustrations and difficulties of the job.  Both men crushed their bodies to each other as if they were practicing osmosis of bodily fluids, but the need for this type of activity seemed limited to times when a case was extra rough or one of the two men needed the comfort that only his partner could give.

 

Standing staring at the now totally dark nightscape, Doyle’s mind raced through some of the early conflicts that he and his partner endured.  Doyle’s stomach still tightened with the thought of Bodie dropping through the open window from the flat above and yelling at Doyle about the correct procedure for taking on two terrorists.  Doyle’s anger was barely controlled as he poured forth his true emotions with the simple words, “And what if I had missed?”

 

Perhaps Bodie’s response was even more an illumination of the younger agent’s feelings with his reply, “Since when do you miss?”

 

Their partnership had started out rough and continued to stay that way when Bodie’s former merc acquaintances showed up in London.  Bodie had talked about a former lover who had been killed by Krivas, and Doyle had been unable to keep back his feelings about the merc way of life with his statement, “You’re no better than he is.”

 

In the early days, the antagonism between the ex-copper and ex-merc were often pitfalls that had to be navigated.  Standing at the window, Doyle’s sad eyes reflected upon his own mirror image in the window, but the scene he saw was an old warehouse where IRA supporters had been gunned down by someone unknown and Doyle questioned his partner’s time in Ireland with the thorny question, “Ah, but whose peace?”

 

Now the partnership seemed to be coming to an end.  Today was the anniversary of that first kiss, that first need to comfort and Bodie had chosen to go on a “hot date”. 

 

Doyle had known from the first that Bodie was not sentimental but incidents like defusing an atomic bomb had made the two men closer.  Sometimes they even seemed to walk in the same skin.  After Cowley had given them the backhanded compliment of being damned good following the defusing of an atomic bomb, shock had set in and Doyle had begun to shiver.  No amount of blankets or liquor could warm the slender man so Bodie had got into Doyle’s bed and comforted the man with warm words and an even warmer body.

 

That is what the relationship became: words of understanding and bodies of comfort.  And then along came a knife in Bodie’s back which brought to the forefront Doyle’s demand for justice along with some tears.  After the Empire Society was disposed of, it was difficult for Ray Doyle to know which hurt more, the beating that he had been given or Bodie walking away with the beautiful black nurse.

 

Ray Doyle never expected Bodie to say thanks for his partner’s efforts on his behalf, but standing there with Jax, Doyle felt the pain radiate throughout his body.

 

Shaking his auburn curls, Doyle left the window.  His body was exhausted; he didn’t even care that the expensive meal that he had stored in the frig, waiting to be prepared  in celebration of their anniversary, would go to waste.  What was there to celebrate? 

 

From the very beginning Bodie made it very clear that their need for each other was just that.  Bad days, bad cases, bad events brought the two men together for a few moments in time, but neither man was committed to anything.  Doyle had agreed, but he was the sentimental one of the two, and he wasn’t quite sure that the two partners could maintain a purely sexual relationship without damaging their friendship.

 

Even after Doyle’s obvious sentimentality in declaring that “Bodie would save him” during the Kathy Mason affair had largely been ignored by his partner, Doyle kept telling himself that Bodie really did care.  Doyle would have been very surprised to hear Bodie’s words threatening Mason’s life when Doyle’s life was in danger from her husband, but Bodie had never told him.  The only time that Bodie seemed to use sentimentality was in defence of CI5 itself when he had come charging into Doyle’s flat, demanding Doyle’s help while Geraldine Mather was battering at the ramparts.

 

Doyle had always known that Bodie had a tremendous loyalty to George Cowley and, therefore, to CI5, but he had hoped that he had gained some of that loyalty as well.  Was Bodie, the man who never settled in one place, getting tired of CI5 and of his partner?

 

Doyle lay on his bed, his green eyes staring at the dark ceiling.  No man had been more loyal than Bodie in the dark days after Doyle had been shot.  The pain, the fears, the questions were all mirrored in the handsome agent’s face every time he came to the hospital to see Doyle in those long weeks of recovery.  Bodie was always there. 

 

After Doyle had been released, it was Bodie who had virtually moved in and made sure that Doyle kept doing his exercises, strengthening his muscles, and the myriad other activities which would see his return to CI5.  Had all that devotion pushed Bodie too near the edge of the abyss of commitment and now Bodie wanted to back off?

 

Throughout their almost five years of partnership, the two men had never given up birds.  The very thought was ridiculous.  Bodie liked women; he loved women; their very being pleased him, but he had always hesitated to commit to any of them so why should he commit to a relationship with his very male partner?  Besides Doyle wasn’t sure that he wanted to make a commitment either; their erratic bouts of lust and sex fit his needs as well so why complain, but something was different about their relationship and had been different for several months.

 

Ray Doyle had always thought he had that leverage over any of Bodie’s women.  Bodie could walk away from any of them, but not his partner, but maybe now that was exactly what he was doing.  As sleep finally overtook the exhausted man, Ray Doyle resolved to confront Bodie the next day and find out just where their relationship stood, and how solid their partnership was.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

On the other side of the city, William Bodie entered the pub that Jase had designated as their meeting place.  Bodie was unfamiliar with this particular pub, but it seemed the typical renovated ex-merc hang-out.  It probably had been, at one time, extremely sleazy with the atmosphere of anonymity that mercs looking for jobs or contacts needed.  Now it was slightly more upscale and the denizens certainly did not resemble the cinema-image of the blood-thirsty merc with the bandana and gun belt draped across a manly chest, using live bullets to pick his teeth.

 

When Jase mentioned the name of the pub, HE WHO FIGHTS, Bodie almost doubled over with laughter but his friend from a very long time ago had promised that this was the only relic left over from the “old” days.  He was right.

 

It had been good to see Jase after almost 15 years.  They had been close, very close.  Those awful days in Jordan and other places had been some of the worst that Bodie had ever known, but Jase had made it more bearable.  Their moments together had been some of the best that Bodie could remember in his young life.  When his old friend and former partner had called several weeks before, Bodie could not ignore his request to meet up “for old times’ sake”.  It had meant deceiving Doyle because Bodie knew how much Doyle hated that aspect of his former life, but seeing Jase again had been well worth the deception.

 

Now, while waiting for Jase to show up, Bodie reflected upon the amount of free time he had committed recently to being with Jase.  Doyle had seemed to be acting so strange that Bodie had hesitated to leave after giving 4.5 his standard excuse, “Gotta a hot date.”

 

The last four+ years with Doyle had been the best of his life.  It had been rough at the beginning and the partners had made a lot of mistakes, and Bodie would never deny that he had made his share of the blunders.  Bodie’s anger with Doyle and Cowley over the Marikka Schumann episode had been a case in point.  He had finally begun to trust Doyle and yet, it seemed, as if the scrawny auburn haired man had betrayed him.  As he stared at Doyle and Marikka talking in the flat, his stomach had churned with a sense of betrayal. 

 

Bodie’s deep blue eyes darkened even more as he remembered some of the other confrontations with his partner.  He had lied to Doyle when the golli had demanded to know how Bodie would feel about losing a partner as Doyle had done when he was a copper.  Bodie had replied that he didn’t know, but in truth he did know.  He had lost so many men in Africa, the Middle East, and Ireland that his feelings almost seemed to be manifested in a rote fashion.  He couldn’t afford to “feel” for those men because it would have driven him insane; it would have tarnished the magnificent war machine that he was. 

 

And now, he had got mixed up with the most opinionated, moody, hot-tempered, compassionate, loyal man in the world.  The very idea of commitment beyond just a partnership had become entwined in his lust for the slender, green-eyed imp who intruded into his every thought.  As Bodie saw Jase enter the pub, an almost unthinkable thought entered the ex-merc’s head:  maybe it was time to take Jase’s offer and leave CI5 to join one of the premier security businesses in the world.

 

Jase was smiling as he headed toward Bodie after picking up two lagers to cool their parched throats.  Jase knew Bodie well enough to know that Bodie always had a parched throat.  The two men had gone through hell in their old merc days, but somehow they had survived it, and now Jase was preaching the idea that it was their turn to enjoy the good life - - leave the fighting to others.

 

Several weeks ago when Jase had first looked Bodie up, 3.7 had quickly dismissed the idea of his becoming one of the elite operatives in Jase’s organization, SAVING LIVES.  Even the name of the business had seemed overblown, but that was the way that Jase had always been.  When the 19 year old Bodie had met Jase, he had been both repelled and attracted to the tall, slender man.  Jase had sandy hair and the deepest brown eyes that Bodie had ever seen.

 

Jase was the veteran when Bodie arrived, and he had taken the newcomer under his tutelage, but within a few months, Jase had moved on and Bodie had had to fend on his own.  It had been Jordan that had brought the two men back together again.  Jase didn’t ask Bodie to be his partner, they just were partners.  When they had met again in Jordan, Bodie told himself that he was as good as Jase now and wouldn’t be the burden he had been two years before.  Bodie was a different which Jase immediately recognized so he decided to begin rubbing away at the supreme cynicism the younger man carried around like a badge.

 

They had sex, they argued, they laughed, they talked, but they never really became lovers.  They did what they had to do to survive, and now Jase was here, standing in front of him, asking Bodie to join one of the most prestigious private security organizations in the world.  Of course, if Bodie had really thought about it, he would have realized that he already was a member of THE most elite security organization in the world, but as in all things, familiarity bred a feeling of taking CI5 for granted.

 

Bodie grabbed the lager being held out to him and took a large swallow.  It tasted so good.  He closed his eyes for a moment remembering how he would have killed to have had a lager in Jordan.  They always seemed to be running out, and as Bodie had shown many times, he could put down a prodigious amount of beer.

 

“’Bout time, mate.  I could have won three fire fights in this amount of time in the old days.”

 

Looking up at the sandy-haired man, the twinkle in his midnight blue eyes, told Jase that Bodie was not really angry, but he went along with Bodie’s banter.

 

“I’m not gettin’ any younger, and it takes me longer to do things than when we were just young ruffians runnin’ around foreign lands.”

 

Bodie snorted into his lager and then swallowed the liquid, handing the glass back with the obvious gesture that he wanted another.  Jase stood staring for a moment then handed him his own lager, turning quickly to head back to the bar. 

 

Bodie closed his dark eyes thankful for a few more minutes respite before Jase asked the inevitable question, “Do you want a job with me?”

 

For the last four weeks, since Jase had first asked that same question, Bodie had been mulling the answer.  A year or so ago, the answer would have been quickly an unequivocal, NO! but things had changed and Bodie wasn’t sure when they had changed.

 

Images of he and Doyle sharing a room in a city run by a bigoted, egotistical copper named Green and his nasty, vicious minion Chives, might have been the first leak in the wall that Bodie had built so carefully.  Having sex with Doyle had been nothing, just a bit of plaster to shore of the crumbling emotions during years of rough cases, but Thomas Pellin’s need for some help with anti-gay bigots had opened Bodie’s eyes to his relationship with his partner.

 

Bodie caught his breath as his remembered the tall, slender ex-copper prancing along in the street with his leather jacket, open shirt, and tight jeans looking like a million quid.  They were pretending to be members of a youth organization for gays and the possibility of being gay hadn’t been terribly hard to adjust to.  Doyle’s claim that this city was the place where he had first had sex with a female had made Bodie laugh until he found himself contemplating the pleasure of being Doyle’s first . . . male.

 

Bodie shook his head at that sentimentality that came rushing forth every time he thought of his partner.  Maybe that was another reason why he should think about taking Jase’s proposal of a good paying job with his security firm.

 

Suddenly, Bodie realized that Jase was back and holding out another lager to him.  Smiling, Bodie replied, “Thanks, mate.  You make a good waiter.  Ever thought about changin’ your line of work?”

 

Jase’s eyes twinkled.  He hadn’t seen Bodie in almost fifteen years, but, at one time, they had been very close, and he felt he could read him now.  Laughing slightly, he replied, “More like, mate, have you thought about changin’ your line of work?”

 

Bodie stopped, stunned at his foolish mistake of walking into the subject that he most wanted to avoid. 

 

Jase sat there patiently for a moment or two then continued.  “Don’t sit there looking like an angelfish, trying to feed, you know it wouldn’t be such a bad life.  We do get to handle some very important cases, and I promise not to be the puppet master that Cowley seems to be.”

 

At the mention of Cowley, Bodie managed to break out of his angelfish impersonation.  Just the mention of an angelfish had made him recall the time that he had heard Doyle’s story about how the cat had eaten his angelfish.  That name had quickly become one of the many nicknames that Bodie had come up with for his friend and partner.

 

“I’ve been thinkin’ on it, and you’re wrong about Cowley.  He appears to be remote and somewhat of a martinet, but he’s got the lives of his agents and the civilian population of England to protect.  You’d be more demanding if all that was laid at your door step wouldn’t you?”

 

Jase could easily see the loyalty that Bodie exhibited for his boss.  George Cowley was important to Bodie, and Bodie was important to Jase so he decided to back down and not push the issue.  Instead he decided to direct the conversation in a slightly different direction.

 

“I’m sure your Mr. Cowley is an excellent leader, but remember those days in Jordan and lesser places; we were pretty good partners then, and I wasn’t too bad of a boss was I?”

 

For a moment, Bodie hesitated, he had never pulled his punches with Jase and now wasn’t the time to start.  “You weren’t me boss in Jordan; we were equals.  I learned a lot . . . after you hauled your arse out of the Congo.  What I learned earned me the right to be your equal and you know it.”

 

Realizing that he had once again made a mistake, Jase nodded, acknowledging Bodie’s point.  “You’re right, mate.  You and I did some damn fine work in Jordan, and you were in every way, my equal.  That’s why I want you to join the firm.  After you get your feet under you, I want you to be my partner in the firm as well as everything else.”

 

For a moment Bodie was stunned by the words:  a full partnership in one of the most profitable and prestigious security firms in the world???  Jase had to be mad to even contemplate giving a partnership to Bodie.  Just the idea of the lifestyle he would be living was mind boggling.

 

For what seemed like an eternity, Bodie kept quiet, playing with the puddle of moisture that had dripped off the glass onto the table, then he voiced a question that had been puzzling him ever since Jase had arrived in the city four weeks ago, “Why are you really here, Jase?  You could get some highly talented individuals to join the firm and you didn’t need to come to London to do that.  You could also get a partner with ease, seein’ the money you pay.  So how come . . .me?”

 

“I’ve missed you, Bodie.  Oh, not the way of life we led when we were together, but after you left to return to England, I decided I was going to get out as well.  Why should I risk my life to do someone else’s dirty work?  I guess security work just came naturally.  I had saved up a few quid from all that muscle and mayhem and I put it to good use.  I invested it when I returned to England, and now I can pretty much pick and choose as I desire, and I des . . . and I would like you to join me in the firm.  What’s so bad about that?”

 

“Nothing, I suppose.  I really appreciate you thinkin’ of me, but I’ve got responsibilities to . . .  people, and I just can’t make decisions like that so fast.”

 

“The Bodie I knew could pick up and move out at the drop of beer, if it meant money and doin’ something new.  You’ve changed; what’s done that?”

 

Bodie shook his head, “Lots of things.  I grew up for one thing.  When I first met you I was 19, I’m not that kid any more.  The Army, SAS have all matured me.  I would think the same thing would have happened to you?”

 

Throwing the ball back into Jase’s court, Bodie waited.

 

Jase nodded, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.  I’ve seen enough blood, chaos, and sheer cruelty to last a lifetime.  My cynicism almost choked me so I got out . . . well, sort of.  I hope what I’m doing now is making things better.  Protecting people for money, instead of slaughtering the enemy for money has got to be better, doesn’t it?”

 

“I’d like to think that I’m doing the same thing, working for CI5.  That’s why I’ve stayed with them longer than with anything else I’ve ever done.”

 

Jase quietly stared at his friend for a moment, seemingly studying every feature of the handsome man, then he nodded and asked the question that had been upper most in his mind “Is doing good for others, the real reason you’ve stayed with CI5?”

 

Bodie suddenly sat up very straight, his deep blue eyes penetrating across the table to the man that he had trusted so long ago.  “What ya mean by that?”

 

Jase shook his head, “Nothing . . . except when we first met a couple of weeks ago . . . when we first got together, you constantly mentioned your partner, Ray Doyle.  Isn’t he really why you stayed with CI5?”

 

Bodie’s handsome face took on a cold look.  It was a look that had frozen many a villain during interrogation sessions, but Jase had seen it over and over again in years past, and he knew that he had struck the nerve that might get his friend to finally be honest with him. 

 

Bodie took a sip of the last few drops of lager obviously playing for time.  Finally, he raised his eyes and focused them directly on the ex-merc across from him.  “It’s none of your business why I’ve stayed with CI5, Jase, and if I go with you, it’s none of your business why I choose to do that either.”

 

“Okay, Bodie, I just thought we knew each other well enough that we could talk about it with openness and honesty.”

 

Without really thinking about his words, Bodie blurted out in a slightly raised voice, “Talk, talk, talk, you remind me of someone else.  Listen, Jase and listen good, you probably know more about my past than almost anyone alive, but the decisions, I make are mine, and they don’t have to be discussed or dragged out _ad nauseum_ , is that clear?”

 

“Perfectly, would you like another lager?”

 

Bodie shook his head in the negative.  He knew that he shouldn’t have been so brusque with Jase, but he needed to feel that he was in command of the situation and recent events seemed to be whirling out of his control.  He had had sex with Doyle, and it had been so good, but nothing, nothing was going to make him commit to his moody partner.  He had been upfront with Doyle and now it seemed like everything was falling apart.

 

Jase’s suggestion about changing jobs had come at a great time.  Bodie had four months to go on his contract; could he stick it out that long, watching Doyle, protecting Doyle, and still not really being with Doyle?  He knew Ray had entered into the relationship because of the events that had occurred with Ann Seaford.  Each time they had come together, it wasn’t because of love or anything sentimental like that; it was because that intimacy fulfilled a real need in each man.  Bodie had found much of the same thing with Jase at a lesser depth while in Jordan and other hell holes, but he was no longer interested in being intimate with Jase, but what did Jase want?

 

Staring into his friend’s eyes, Bodie flung back his head to empty a glass that was already empty.  Jase’s one eyebrow shot up into his forehead.  It was obvious that Bodie’s temper was on the edge of bursting forth and his control was on the brink of being lost.  Yes, this was definitely not the man that the ex-merc had known in the past.  Someone, namely Ray Doyle, had got under his old partner’s skin.  The point now was how that was going to affect Jase’s plans for getting Bodie on board with his security firm.

 

“Let’s go to my hotel room, Bodie.  We need to talk, and we certainly need more privacy than what we’re getting here.”

 

Suddenly, Bodie felt exhausted.  3.7 knew that if he went to the hotel with Jase they would end up in bed together.  Bodie hadn’t been with any man except for Doyle for years.  He had continued to date birds, but his need for a male/male relationship had been satisfied by Doyle.  Would Jase expect them to take up where they had left off, if he took the job with Jase’s firm?  Bodie made up his mind - - no physical intimacy with Jase until he knew exactly where his future lay.

 

Bodie sighed, declaring his intention to go home.  “Sorry, Jase, can’t do that.  I’m on call at headquarters at 600 hours.  George Cowley does not like his men to be late.”

Bodie said this last sentence with so much emphasis that Jase had to laugh at the intended meaning behind the words.

 

As the two men walked out the door of the pub, it was obvious that Jase did not want to take “No” for an answer so he started to encourage Bodie to change his mind.  Instead, however, his perceptive ex-partner suddenly brought up the part of a comment that Jase had hoped Bodie had missed.

 

“What did you mean, Jase, when you said that you wanted me to be partners with you in the firm AND EVERYTHING ELSE?”

 

Jase sighed, a few minutes ago that seemed like the right thing to say, but it was now obvious that Bodie was not interested in a more physical relationship and his question hinted at his possible suspicions.  Jase rapidly tried to recalculate his plan, but he suddenly realized that Bodie’s lack of interest might be indicative of how his friend had changed.  Maybe, just maybe Bodie and Doyle were far more than partners and that was why Bodie had thrown up barriers.  It was time to change tactics, if he was to convince this enigmatic man to join him.

 

“I just meant that I want us to be equals in everything, just as we were in Jordan.  I don’t want you to go home each night and think of yourself as just another cog in SAVING LIVES.  I want your participation, your ideas, and your savvy about security to be committed to the firm.”

 

Bodie almost physically stepped away from the man he had known long ago - - there was that word, committed, once again.  It seemed to follow him around everywhere.  Being in a partnership with Doyle was enough of a commitment because that way he could choose the time that he would leave.

 

Having sex with Doyle had changed none of that, but somehow Doyle seemed to be changing.  Every year after the Ann Seaford episode, Doyle seemed to make a big deal over “celebrating” the physical side of their relationship.  Bodie could always tell when Doyle was planning something in commemoration for an act which probably happened thousands of times a day across the world.  Why did Doyle have to make such a big deal out of it?  That was one reason why Bodie had cooked up an excuse that he had a hot date but refused to tell Doyle anything about his date.

 

  

  1. Rubbing his head as if he had a headache, Bodie turned to the silent Jase who seemed not to mind waiting patiently for a response from Bodie.
  



 

“Ta, Jase.  It’s late and I got to get going.  I’ll think about the job offer, but I want to be honest with you.  I’m not sure it’s for me, but I will think about it.”

 

“That’s all I ask Bodie.”

 

The two men stared at each other for a moment, then turned and went to their respective cars.  Bodie left the parking area immediately, but Jase sat in his Jaguar pondering Bodie’s recent words.  His mind concentrated on the unhappy man that he had just spent time with. Was Bodie unhappy because of the chance for a new job or was he unhappy over his old job?  Or, maybe just maybe, he was unhappy over his relationship with Doyle.  If that was true, it was even better because Jase knew that Bodie and he had had a very good partnership, both professionally and physically.  Jase certainly didn’t mind playing upon the positive aspects of their friendship to get what he wanted:  Bodie in his firm and in his bed.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

When the alarm rang, Ray Doyle was already out of bed.  In fact, he had got up almost an hour before, the call of nature waking him, his fears for what today might bring, had kept him awake.  Knowing that he would not get anymore sleep, Doyle decided to shower, eat, and get to CI5 well before his partner.  It was a good thing that they weren’t driving together today because Doyle intended to confront his sometime bed partner and always work partner and find out what was going on.  Was Bodie serious about this bird?

 

Ray Doyle could tell his handsome partner a lot about being serious and thinking this might be the one.  Doyle’s nine day romance with Ann Holly was still a sore point with Bodie.  In the near five years that the two men had worked together, Doyle’s romantic fling with Ann Holly had been one of the times that they had not been in sync.  Only after the whole thing was over did Doyle finally analyse his partner’s motivations. 

 

In many ways the fiasco had been partly Bodie’s fault.  Why had 3.7 even gone to Cowley to announce that Doyle was getting serious about a certain Ann Holly, who also happened to be the daughter of the prime suspect in a smuggling case?  Doyle’s epiphany that Bodie’s investigation into Ann Holly and her relationship to an active CI5 operation was much like Doyle’s investigation of Marikka Schumann.  Doyle hadn’t liked doing it, but the curly haired 4.5 had never given Bodie the benefit of the doubt and assume that Bodie might also have disliked the repulsive task.

 

In fact, it seemed like, at the time, that Bodie was pushing Doyle into thinking along the lines of marriage, and yet, knowing Bodie’s feelings about commitment, why should Bodie be pushing Doyle towards something that, at the time, he himself wasn’t sure about?  Everything seemed to be happening so fast.  Maybe Ann Holly was the person for him, but a week’s acquaintance now seemed like an amazingly short time to risk jumping into the abyss of a lifelong commitment.

 

Ray Doyle knew William Bodie better than anybody, including Cowley, but there were days that Doyle felt completely lost in his relationship with his friend.  It felt like the two men were struggling against a dark tide of who knew what obstacles.  Today, however, Doyle hoped he would get some answers.

 

  

  1. Walking towards the entrance of headquarters of CI5, Doyle was almost swept away by the battering ram of his partner’s body as the tall, muscular agent rushed towards his car.
  



 

“Bodie, what’s up?  We called out or something?”

 

Even though Bodie was travelling at the speed of sound to his car, his perception had registered the seductive walk of his handsome partner.  Bodie knew that if he slowed down at all, he would fall into Doyle’s clutches and that was something he did not want to do.  He had lucked out when he had got to work early and seen that the assignment board and realized the possibilities of changing his assignment.  After talking to Cowley, he had to move fast because he had to pick up his target at Heathrow in less than an hour.  This was the perfect excuse to avoid the skinny golli and Bodie took complete advantage of it.

 

Rushing to his car, Bodie shouted back as his voice faded in the roar of the Capri’s motor, “Got to babysit, see you later!”

 

Ray stood there staring as the Capri launched itself into supersonic speeds and headed wherever.  Instead of pacifying Doyle’s thoughts that Bodie was just acting strangely, this scenario made him even more wary of his partner’s motives.  What was going on?  Every action the handsome ex-merc took seemed to speak volumes about the necessity for getting away from Doyle.  Entering the building, Doyle went to the assignment board to discover the duties of his partner for the day.  His emotions were feeling the effects of the abrasive treatment they had been enduring for the last several weeks.  CI5 work was difficult enough, but being out of tune with Bodie made the whole effort seem worse than mucking through a swamp.

 

Discovering that he was scheduled for file duty for the day added insult to injury so Doyle decided to impart some of his golden words of wisdom to Cowley, just to make sure that the man really knew how his operative felt.

 

Marching to Betty’s desk, Doyle was on the simmer but the pressure was on and it would not take long to bring him to the boil.  Therefore, when he was admitted to Cowley’s inner sanctum after waiting more than a half hour, Doyle was ready to let loose.

 

“Sir, why is Bodie off on a baby . . . escort job, and I have to do files?  Neither of us is recovering from an injury.  This is a waste of good manpower.”  After the words floated out into the air, the curly haired man realized how insubordinate they sounded, but he wasn’t prepared to back down.

 

Cowley removed his horn-rimmed glasses, staring calmly at the man who was questioning his reasoning for what seemed the thousandth time, then he spoke, “Sit down, Doyle.”

 

Doyle seemed ready to refuse then realized that he had pushed Cowley as far as he could and if he didn’t sit, he might be facing suspension.

 

Cowley waited until Doyle was seated then looked piercingly at the young man.  “I will ignore your insubordination, Doyle because quite frankly I am puzzled as well.  Bodie was here even before I entered the building.  He mentioned that he had heard that Ali Ben Hassam was arriving today and that his usual escort was unavailable.  He promptly offered to escort the man for the day and as long as he was needed.  I did not

ask him to do so, he volunteered.”

 

Doyle sat there even more puzzled.  If there was one kind of duty that Bodie hated, it was anything to do with surveillance or escorting visiting VIPs.  What was going on?  Bodie would rather run around covering the tail of some official than work with his partner?  Had Bodie been hit over the head once too often or was he suffering from very early senility?

 

Noticing Doyle’s face, Cowley could easily read the concern and confusion that lurked behind the green eyes.  4.5 and 3.7 were his best operatives.  Their partnership had become legendary.  Cowley’s desire to find the perfect partner for the footloose Bodie had worked well.  Bodie would stay with CI5 as long as Doyle stayed  . . . well at least he’d thought so, until this morning.  Wondering what Doyle knew about this whole situation, Cowley put down his glasses, wiped his tired eyes, and then stared at the man who could hardly stop fidgeting.

 

“4.5, is there something wrong?”

 

Doyle’s ability to stonewall was of the highest calibre, but his weak spot was William Bodie, and his concern about the man was quite obvious, that made him vulnerable and Cowley decided to go in for the kill.

 

“Doyle, are you aware that Bodie’s present contract with CI5 will expire in exactly four months?”

 

Doyle frowned not exactly seeing what this had to do with anything until he suddenly sat up straight, his handsome face a picture of fear and anger.  “What are you saying, sir?  Has Bodie told you that he is not renewing his contract?”

 

Cowley shook his head, “No, I didn’t say that, but as he was leaving today, he stood at the door and looked extremely pensive, while reminding ME that the contract for his services only had four months to go.  In the past few years, he has always signed his contract early, I just wondered if he had said something to you?”

 

Doyle stood, not really even aware of Cowley anymore; his concern and thoughts were entirely on his partner.  As he wandered towards the door, he seemed to wake up from his confusion, and mumbled to his boss, “No, no, he hasn’t said a thing to me, but he bloody well will, if I have anything to say about it.”

 

Leaving the office without realizing his use of profanity in front of his conservative boss, Doyle headed towards the filing room.  At least, this kind of work had regular hours so that he would be able to leave on time.  That was good because he had every intention of confronting one William Andrew Philip Bodie and finding out what were his partner’s plans and just exactly what technique he would use to break Bodie’s neck if the dumb crud was really thinking about leaving.

 

Working in files was always a long day, but Doyle’s mind was in such a state of confusion that the minutes somehow disappeared.  If Bodie was on escort duty, he would be twelve hours on and twelve off so Doyle could go to Bodie’s flat and confront the moron who was playing fast and loose with their lives.  Why hadn’t Bodie talked to him, if he was dissatisfied with something?  Was he dissatisfied with the partnership or what?  Doyle had to know.

 

It wouldn’t do to go storming in so Doyle decided to get some takeaway and some liquid refreshment from a nearby off license.  Doyle knew he could charm his partner into telling him, and if he couldn’t then there were always more persuasive ways.

 

Kicking at the door to Bodie’s flat, Doyle barely managed to hang onto his sacks of Chinese food.  He had purchased sweet and sour shrimp, moo goo gai pan, some dim sum that both men enjoyed as well as the Chinese spare ribs that always seemed to send Bodie in to a romantic mood.

 

He had been lucky that he had got into the building without buzzing Bodie’s flat.  A little old lady, who was leaving at the time of Doyle’s arrival, had obviously thought him to be a delivery person from some restaurant and had thoughtfully opened the door for him.  Of course, it had helped immeasurably when Doyle poured on his considerable amount of charm.

 

Now Doyle stood in front of his partner’s door, using his foot as a battering ram.  Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.  At least when he had had to buzz through, it gave the horny ex-merc a bit of warning if there was a bird on board.

 

After waiting several minutes, the door opened carefully to a sight that instantly gave Doyle an erection.  There was William Bodie standing there with only a robe on, barefoot, with the deep V- neckline of the robe open almost to the navel.  Doyle had never seen Bodie looking quite so dissolute.  What could Bodie have been doing in the time since he had left escort duty and this moment?

 

Bodie’s face looked puffy and exhausted, and his blue eyes seemed slightly glazed over.  “Doyle, what you want, it’s 2.00am in the morning.”

 

Doyle tried to enter the flat but was stopped by the strong, hard body of his best friend.  “You must really have tied one on, Bodie.  It’s 8.00 in the pm.  I brought you dinner figuring you might need some decent food after working a 12 hour shift.”

 

Instead of seeing pleasure in Bodie’s eyes when he stared at the food, Doyle saw the handsome face turn green.  Quickly his partner turned around and headed for the loo.  Realizing that the food would not be consumed immediately, Doyle took the time to put the recently purchased Chinese goodies away for a time when Bodie felt better.

 

Hearing a sound behind him, Doyle turned swiftly while ready to comment on his efforts to preserve the food.  He stopped, however, as he quickly realized that the man standing behind him in another robe - - in fact, one that Doyle often wore when he stayed with Bodie, was not his partner.

 

The man was tall, sandy-haired, with darkest brown eyes that Doyle had ever seen.  He was so dumbfounded by the scene that he was unable to say anything.  The man obviously wasn’t so reticent as he said in a perfectly pitched voice, “You must be Ray Doyle?  I’m Jase Stephens . . . a very old friend of Bodie’s.”

 

If Doyle had tried to count his thoughts at that moment, he would have been forced to stop as something like 10,000.  The images were running so fast through his mind that they made him dizzy.  The only image that stood out, however, was the one of an incredibly handsome man coming out of Bodie’s bedroom with Bodie’s robe on and both men looking like they were either ill or satiated. 

 

Doyle continued to move his mouth much like his beloved angelfish of moggy demise so many years ago while Jase took control of the situation.  Holding out his hand, Jase said, “Please forgive Bodie, he’s feeling a bit under the weather.  Apparently, Ali Ben Hassam does not keep to all the Muslim rules of behaviour and insisted that Bodie join him.  When Bodie called me to pick him up, we had a bit of an “accident” in the car and so, you see me after I’ve _freshened up_.”

 

Doyle didn’t quite know what to say.  His temper was about two points from exploding, but he was trying.  Why did Bodie call this man and not his own partner or a taxi, and WHY would Bodie be ill, he could hold his liquor better than anyone he knew.  Had Hassam doctored the drinks?  “I would like to see Bodie.”

 

Doyle headed towards the small loo, but quickly felt a powerful hand on his wrist.  “I wouldn’t if I were you.  It would only embarrass Bodie and it’s not worth that.”

 

Doyle pulled his arm away rapidly, turning to prepare to breach the ramparts of the loo when Bodie appeared looking less than well.  Doyle took a step back as he perceived his partner’s extreme paleness.  “You okay, mate?”

 

The blue eyes rimmed in red, looked at the smaller man.  A hoarse whisper came forth, “Do I look like I’m okay?  Ray, I need some time to recover.  I got to be back on duty in about eight hours and I really need to kip.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me, if you were feelin’ so rotten?”

 

“You were working, besides what could you have done?”

 

Staring with the coldest green eyes that had ever penetrated his partner’s barriers, Doyle whispered in a voice meant only for the ears of the ex-merc, “The same thing he did, I suppose.”  Doyle began to back off, obviously reading something in the scenario that was playing out before him:  Bodie became ill while doing his duty; Bodie called Jase for help, Bodie hadn’t even thought of his partner; Jase was running around naked in Bodie’s bathrobe.  What more evidence did he need?

 

Somehow Doyle managed to keep his composure, but he was unable to totally keep his hurt from Bodie’s perceptive stare.  About to say something to Bodie, Doyle’s superb peripheral vision spotted the smug look on Jase’s face and closed his mouth.  Without further delay, Doyle opened the door and made good his escape from Bodie’s flat where he had had such good times with the flat’s occupant.

 

Bodie was in no condition to follow his obviously angry and hurt friend, but once again Jase intervened, “I wouldn’t go too far, if I were you, especially not in that robe.  The threads are barely keepin’ it together as it is.”

 

Bodie realized in that moment how confused and out of it he was.  Jase was right; he was wearing the oldest and scroungiest robe that he had.  Normally he would never have thought of doing that, so he must really be less than focused.  Looking at the closed door once more, he wondered what Doyle was thinking.  He hadn’t meant to hurt his friend, but Doyle might as well face the possibility of Bodie’s leaving.  After all it wasn’t every day that a kid from the docklands of Liverpool got a chance to be a partner in an up and coming security firm.  Sighing in exhaustion, Bodie collapsed on his settee.

 

“Don’t worry, mate.  You’ll talk to him tomorrow or the next day and straighten this all out.  In the meantime, you want me to infiltrate Hassam’s boudoir and find out what game he’s playing?”

 

A bleary eyed Bodie looked at his friend for a long moment, convinced that the man would do exactly that.  Wouldn’t George love that?  Finally he replied, “No, thanks.  I’m not 100 per cent sure that he did anything to the drinks.  He’s legendary for the combinations that he puts together.  Maybe I’m just getting old and can’t take the mixed drinks life anymore.”

 

“YOU, getting old?  No way.  Wouldn’t want you if you were over the hill.  Now let’s get you to bed if you really have to go see Hassam again in just a few hours.”

 

With Jase’s help, Bodie made it in to the bedroom, removed his robe and fell into bed.  Jase left quietly expecting Bodie to immediately go to sleep, but the ex-merc suddenly was wide awake.  Two things were bothering him: 1) what was he going to do about Doyle? And 2) what did Jase mean about not wanting him if he was too old?

 

As he finally faded into sleep the images of Doyle’s sad face rotated with Jase’s smug smile.

 

Six hours later, Bodie woke with a start, his heart and mind filled with the terror of a gun stoppage and Doyle caught in the centre of the sniper’s sight.  A shot rang out as Doyle collapsed down the side of the water tower.  Bodie rushed to Doyle’s side, hearing him whisper, “Thanks.”  Then, Bodie ran over to check on the obviously dead man.  When he turned the body over, the stranger was wearing Jase’s face.

 

Bodie stood in the shower until all the heat ran out, fixed himself some toast, and headed out to his next twelve hour shift.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

After another three weeks, Bodie began to wonder why Jase was still hanging around.  It was true that he was setting up an office in London in one of the posher neighbourhoods, but why was he still “courting” Bodie.  Bodie had promised Jase that he would let him know his decision, but the man was still there.

 

On the other hand, Doyle was not.  It seemed as if every solo or alternate partnership that Cowley could find was given to Doyle.  Maybe Cowley was trying to prepare Doyle for losing his partner when the remaining months of the contract were up.  Bodie’s mind was in turmoil.  He wanted to talk to Doyle, but the comfortable chats in the pub after work, or double dating with two birds, or settling down after a particularly difficult job for some sex were all gone.  Doyle came and went, and Bodie just waited.

 

Waited until a professional thief named Sammy got himself killed and the partners were sent out to meet Marge.  Marge was one in a million, and she fell hard for Ray Doyle.  Bodie couldn’t really blame her, but he wasn’t especially thrilled with being called a lout or being totally ignored while Marge cuddled up to the scrawny, sexy golli.

 

Bodie still remembered the night the two of them were expected to sneak in and find which one of two men supplied heroin.  The image of Doyle dressed all in tight black still caused him to lose his breath.  The man was simply gorgeous.  His touched his groin in remembrance of Doyle naked beneath him.  The very scent of Doyle made Bodie’s body react.  It was so good to be close to Doyle after so many weeks of being separated.  Unfortunately the closeness was over so quickly and the only result was Truitt and Bladon were dead, and another heroin dealer would be deported.

 

Bodie began to count down the days.  He looked at the calendar and circled the day that his contract would be up.  He had approximately three months to decide and he figured that he really needed to let Cowley know before the last minute, but how could he tell Cowley without talking to Ray first?

 

Bodie knew his relationship with Ray had gone from bad to worse as he plunged his fist into Doyle’s stomach.  It was true that he was trying to keep Doyle out of his fight with King Billy, but slugging your partner was not the way to promote better feelings, especially since the tension between the two men was at an all time high as Bodie kept messing up Crane’s drills and exercises.  Doyle had, somehow, managed to keep his temper, but when King Billy’s mob had tried to ride him into the ground during the bike race, the Doyle temper had burst forth.

 

As the two men watched Kate Ross and Cowley leave the impromptu bike races, Bodie realized that there was the distinct possibility that Doyle would return to the city and demand that Cowley re-assign him to a new partner.  The fact that Jase had been out of the city for the last few weeks had not helped.  Doyle had virtually said nothing about the incident in Bodie’s flat, but the time was coming for the molten temper that was Ray Doyle to explode with such a force that it would make Krakatoa look miniscule.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

For the next two weeks the two men were assigned as partners which added to the tension.  Terrorists such as the Dreisinger gang were popping up all over the place, and Cowley needed his top two agents to deal with their target, whatever it was.  When it was almost all over, Bodie found himself beaten, captured, and wearing 15 pounds of explosives on his chest.  It could have ended right there with Werner Dreisinger pushing the trigger in the last few seconds of his life, but once again the skinny body and superb running legs of Ray Doyle headed off a fleeing Bodie and removed the bomb.

 

In the moments after they left the scene, neither man spoke about Doyle’s efforts to save his partner’s life.  In the past five years, both men had saved each other’s life numerous times, but this time seemed more poignant, somehow.  Doyle could not get over the fact that Bodie ran away to avoid killing his partner and Cowley, but Bodie was truly shaken with the knowledge that Doyle had risked his life to run after him and maybe, just maybe be able to get the bomb off in time.

 

Their relationship had been laid bare for both men to see.  Each man had always known that they would give their life, in a second, to save the other, but this time Doyle had actually almost done it.  The man who had become such a stranger in the past few months had not hesitated to demonstrate the ultimate loyalty to his partner, and yet, Bodie was thinking of leaving him and that loyalty behind.

 

Jase and Bodie were eating in a very expensive restaurant.  Bodie was enjoying the food enormously, and Jase’s conversation was witty and entertaining, but suddenly, Bodie’s heart ached for the simple evenings that he and Doyle often put together with just a take away, a match, and some quiet music.  Where had that all gone to and whose fault was it that it was gone?

 

Bodie’s mind wandered back to the long months that both men had endured after Doyle’s shooting.  The sheer hatred that Bodie felt towards May Li had mutated into a constant ache and need to see his partner fully recovered, or, at least, capable of returning to full status with CI5.  He knew that he had to have Doyle return as his back up.  Nothing and no one else would do.  The thousands of cheese and pickle sarnies that he had fixed while sitting with Doyle while he recovered made the dishes that he was now eating seem like so many ashes.  Why was Bodie really contemplating leaving CI5 and Doyle?

 

Jase had held his tongue during the long weeks since he had returned from a business trip to France.  His security firm was expanding so much that he now had offices in five countries, and Jase was still intent on having Bodie become his partner.  In just a few weeks the two men could be partners, sharing their lives, ruling a domain that was both profitable and prestigious.

 

Strangely enough, Jase had not even pushed the physical side of their relationship and Bodie had done nothing to show that he was interesting in continuing with that side of the relationship.  In fact, Bodie had not even dated many women in the past several months.  His mind was so confused about his future without the possibility of Doyle being in it, that the very thought of women occupying his bed, was not up for contemplation.

 

Bodie made up his mind.  He had to confront Doyle; he had to talk to him about his plans.  Of course, that meant that Bodie had to actually know what his plans were.  Every time he was with Jase, the man’s charisma seemed to push Bodie towards accepting the job and getting away from that black hole that seemed to be lurking in the way of committing himself to Doyle.  Certainly he was more than half way there with the friendship and partnership that had become so important to him, but he could not force himself to go farther.

 

He had partly committed himself in the past:  names such as Dulchone, Marikka, and Jimmy Keller readily came to mind and even more quickly they threw the dangers of commitment back in the ex-merc’s face.  Bodie knew that he could walk away from Jase and his partnership whenever he had to, but could he walk away from Doyle and the most satisfying life that he had lead in his very traumatic life?

 

Looking at Jase across the table, Bodie resolved that he had to talk with Doyle before going any further with Jase’s proposal.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Ray Doyle sat in his flat with his long legs crossed on the coffee table, or, at least, that was what Bodie liked to call it.  Doyle smiled because Bodie had moved him in since he was still in the hospital.  Doyle had never questioned the move from his old flat.  The flat that had the stain of his blood soaked into the carpet.  By the time that he had left the hospital, Bodie had moved Doyle lock, stock, and barrel to the new flat. 

 

When Doyle arrived at the new place, after Bodie and a nurse had carried him to the car, he stared at the furnishings and shivered for a moment.  It was probably a good thing that he had left the old flat and its memories far behind.  Bodie refused to talk much about that flat and what had occurred.  They spent the next several months, concentrating on Doyle regaining his strength and his ability to return to CI5.  Frankly, Doyle didn’t know what he would have done without the nagging, demanding softie, who was his partner. 

 

Where had they gone wrong?  Was it the sex?  By that time, they had been having sex off and on for over two years.  Their friendship and partnership had not seemed to suffer from the physical side of their relationship.  Bodie was always there for him  . . . maybe that was the problem, Bodie thought Doyle took him for granted.

 

Or could it be Jase?  The man certainly was handsome, and the two men certainly seemed close.  After all, it was Jase that Bodie had called when he was suffering from the mickey that Hassam had slipped him.  Cowley had made inquiries about the whole mishap and found out that Hassam was planning to kidnap the handsome CI5 operative and take him back to his own country, but fortunately fate had intervened when Hassam had been called home under suspicion of treason.  Bodie had been left behind instead because Hassam had been forced to leave quickly.  They heard later that Hassam had not escaped his country’s justice.

 

Doyle realized that he needed to talk to Bodie.  They had talked very little since Dreisinger had grabbed Bodie and made him into a human time bomb, but Bodie had been furious with his partner for risking his neck to save the fleeing Bodie.  Bodie’s fury had reminded Doyle of the day that Bodie had accused him of mismanaging a bust-in to the flat where hostages were being held.  The words, “You’re supposed to shoot from the door.  Next time you can be the monkey on the string,” had weighed heavily on the slender Doyle.  The very thought that he could have missed the shot and hit Bodie caused shivers to run through his body even now well over two years since the event.

 

He wanted to ask Bodie about renewing his contract.  Was Bodie reluctant to do so because he was dissatisfied with their partnership or maybe he wanted to be with Jase more than he wanted to be with Doyle?

 

Doyle’s heavy eyelids closed as sleep seemed to overtake him, but suddenly he sat up as he realized that someone was hitting the buzzer to his outside door.  Only one person in the world made that rhythm on his buzzer . . . Bodie.  Rushing to let him in, Doyle felt butterflies in his stomach.  What a strange feeling, after almost five years of being partners with the man, and some glorious sex, he was nervous to see his best friend.

 

When the knock came, Doyle almost jumped out of his very tight jeans.  He felt like he had hurt himself as he had difficulty walking to the door.  Opening it, he stood staring at the tall, handsome man who had come to mean so much to him.  Bodie was staring down at the floor then he made that characteristic gesture, scrunching up his beautiful mouth with his two fingers like he didn’t know what to say.  In fact, it seemed as if he really didn’t know what to say because he merely handed some cans of lager to Doyle, as he seemed to still hesitate to come in.

 

Doyle stared at him, his thoughts quickly perceiving that Bodie was as nervous as he was.  Doyle gestured to the younger man to come in as he turned to lead him into the sitting room.  Since the beer was cold, he offered a can to his friend and took one for himself.

 

Both men sat down but on opposite sides of the room.  Doyle thought Bodie seemed to be acting like a gladiator preparing to face a lion.  Saluting Bodie with his can, Doyle threw back his head and took a long drain of the cool liquid.  Bodie on the other hand seemed to stare at Doyle as if he were poetry in motion, studying every graceful movement the man made . . . as if it would be the last time, he would do so.

 

Doyle put the can down and began to study the nervous ex-merc.  He wasn’t used to Bodie being reticent about most things, but their communication skills had been sadly lacking recently.  Doyle decided that he better start the conversation or Bodie might get up and leave without broaching the subject for which he had come.

 

“Somethin’ the matter, sunshine?”

 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

 

Doyle waited, but Bodie didn’t continue, so 4.5 tried again, “So what is it?  What’d I do?”

 

For a moment, Doyle thought Bodie would continue to be silent, then the deep blue eyes flashed, Bodie’s face became red, and he was off, “Why’d you chase after me?  Why’d you risk yourself?  You knew that Dreisinger could trigger the bomb with just a flick of his thumb, you dumb crud, what did you think you were doing?”

 

“I was saving you.”

 

Now there was silence.  Bodie felt like a fist had hit him in the heart.  It wasn’t so much what Doyle had said, it was the way he said it.  It made Bodie sound like he was the most important person in the world to the golli.  Bodie didn’t need to hear such sentimental twaddle right now, not when he was here to tear the guts out of the best partnership that he had ever known.

 

“Ray, I don’t need to hear that.  I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of.  You know some of them.  After all you’ve seen Krivas.  I’m not worth you riskin’ your life for.”

 

Doyle frowned, as he listened to his friend, speaking in such a self-disparaging manner.  Turning red in the face due to his anger, he blurted out, “I think you are, Bodie.”

 

“Well, you’re wrong, mate, but you won’t have to do it anymore.  I’m leaving CI5 when my contract is up, so that gives you three months and twelve days that you have to put up with me.  That’s, of course, if you want to.  I can always ask the Cow for another partner, if you want me to.”

 

Doyle’s heart was pounding more than 100 beats a minute.  He thought sure that Bodie could hear it thudding away.  He hadn’t felt this much pain since MayLi had put two bullets in him and left him to die.  It had been Bodie who had come to his rescue, just as he always did. Now, it was Bodie, who was inflicting the pain by just mentioning the words that he was leaving.

 

Drawing in his breath as if he couldn’t get enough air, Doyle was aghast at a future without Bodie.  Why? Why was his best friend leaving him, and why had he made such a momentous decision without talking it over with him first?  His mind was fumbling around for the words that would make this easier, but there were none.  Only honesty would do now.

 

“I don’t want you to go, but you’re the one who has to make that decision.  It can’t be just because I chased after you to save your bloody hide, so what is it?”

 

“I never promised you anything, Doyle.  I’ve been there for you for the last five years, but you’ve always known that I’m a man who doesn’t stay in one place for long.  Commitments aren’t easy for me, and so I’d like you to look at this as just one more of my character flaws.  You know I’ve got a lot of them.”  Bodie stopped here, trying to come up with a small smile to ease the tension in the room, but Doyle wasn’t having it.

 

“Has it anything to do with Jase?”

 

Bodie closed his eyes for a mere second then took the bull by the horns or a golli by the curls, and stated emphatically, “Not the way you mean.  I’ve known Jase for a long time.  He’s offered me a job with his security firm.  He’s promised me that after I’ve become familiar with the work, I can be a full partner.  It’s time for me to move on.”

 

Doyle sat staring at the man who had made the last five years of his life more bearable, then asked the question he knew would infuriate his soon-to-be ex-partner, “Are you and he lovers?”

 

Bodie stood up, obviously in a rage.  He headed towards the door then whirled around and shouted, “No, he is not, if it is any of your business.  Is that your concern . . . that I’ve replaced you in my bed with HIM?  It’s great to know that’s what you’ve really thought of me these past years.  You never could get over my past, could you?  I’ll see the Cow in the morning and ask for another partner.”

 

Starting to open the door, Doyle, with a speed that Bodie had never seen before, grabbed the ex-merc with a grip that brought pain to the larger man’s bicep, but Bodie refused to show any reaction.  “Damn you, Bodie, I didn’t say that.  You can have anyone you want as a lover, I just wondered why, if Jase had persuaded you to leave, you hadn’t talked it over with me first, that’s all.  Of course, I don’t want another partner.  We can work together for the next three months or three years, unless you think that you can’t handle it.”

 

Bodie gently pulled away from Doyle’s slender hand, shaking himself slightly, he replied in a whisper, “Of course, I can handle it, thought you couldn’t.  You haven’t been the friendliest crud recently.”

 

“You haven’t given me much chance to be friendly.  You’ve been with Jase most of your free time.”

 

Bodie dropped his head, showing the truth in that statement.  “I know, but let’s not let Jase come between us now.  We both need to have our heads on straight if we’re going to handle our jobs otherwise I think Cowley should re-assign one of us.”

 

“All right, Bodie, it’s back to working together.  I’ll do my job, but don’t expect me to forget that you’re leaving.  I hope you’ll be happy in your new job; it will seem strange without you eatin’ me food and drinkin’ me beer, but you deserve the very best.”

 

Quick as a flash the thought _, I have been with the best,_ passed through Bodie’s mind, but he said nothing, just nodded.  “All right, mate.  I’ll pick you up at 7.00 hours tomorrow, and be prepared to do Father’s bidding.”

 

“Right!”

 

Doyle stood with the sickest smile on his face long after Bodie left the flat.  Doyle felt as if he had been crushed by a weight that was so oppressive, he couldn’t even expand his chest cavity to take a much needed breath.  What was he going to do without Bodie?  _Why didn’t I ask if it was having sex with me that had turned him off?  He said that he wasn’t having a physical relationship with Jase so maybe he doesn’t want a man anymore?  Maybe, if I promise to stay away from him . . . in that way, he’ll think again?_

 

Doyle threw himself supine onto the settee.  He didn’t care if he had his boots on; he lay there sprawled out, with one forearm across his eyes as if he couldn’t stand to see his battered image in his own mind.  Five years . . . five years of living in each others’ pockets, laughing, fighting, arguing, being friends and none of it seemed to count for anything.  Doyle had really thought that he had beat Bodie’s jinx of wanting to move on after a few years in one place.  Once again the abyss of commitment had reared its ugly head.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

“Look, if you want my resignation, just ask for it, all right?” 

 

Bodie stood in the small cell, breathing heavily, his handsome face full of fury.  Once again George Cowley had put his partner in jeopardy.  Doyle had been impersonating Pete Van Neikerk for several days.  The South African was a paid assassin who had been picked up at the airport after a quick confrontation inside and outside of an arriving jet.  Doyle had quickly taken on the role of the assassin and now Van Neikerk had escaped.

 

Van Neikerk had already murdered one CI5 agent, who had been bringing him some food, and now he was on the loose obviously going after an unaware Doyle.  Bodie could hear the furious voice of George Cowley telling him that he wanted him to get on the phone and warn Doyle and stop acting like a _prima dona_.  Never in all his years had Bodie come so close to hitting the older man that he was once felt so loyal to.  Doyle had replaced Cowley in his loyalty and now, or at least in a few months, even that loyalty would come to an end.

 

But, for the time being, Ray Doyle was still Bodie’s partner, best friend, and assigned duty, so Bodie would leave no stone unturned to get his partner back and he would worry about the consequences later.

 

Luckily a few hours later, Bodie received a phone call from the missing agent.  Van Neikerk had caught up to Doyle, but instead of killing him, he had stashed him with a sizeable lump on his head in the boot of a parked car.  Van Neikerk could not have foreseen that two young drunken men would take the car and go for a joyride which ended with Doyle being thrown out and the two men going over the side of a hill and the petrol tank blowing up.

 

When Bodie saw Doyle along the side of the rode, he said very little except to ask if Doyle wanted a lift and then to make a sarcastic remark about the location of Doyle’s brains after the golli had rubbed his extremely sore bum.  The whole incident had been like old times, with the two men working together as partners.  Bodie had even gently caressed Doyle’s chest when Doyle had threatened to bang Bodie’s head in retaliation.  It had been so long since the two men had really touched each other.  It felt good to have some of the old camaraderie back, but soon Bodie realized that it was just temporary because the days until his contract expired were winding down very rapidly.

 

Cowley genuinely seemed to be making an effort to keep the two men were working together.  Doyle’s efforts to return to the rural police force to round up the Sangster gang was amply helped by Bodie’s assignment as a sugar beet salesperson.  They worked well together as the gang tried to make off with the Straten 4 device.  Before Bodie had been cuffed, he had taken on a vicious dog to give Doyle time to empty the petrol from the waiting plane.  Their partnership only took on some minor damage when the still-cuffed Bodie was arrested by the rural police who arrived on the scene, just in time to apprehend Sangster and his murdering cohorts.  Bodie pointed out to Doyle, without let up, that he really didn’t appreciate his smelly partner laughing as he was hauled away to the local gaol.

 

Even the death of Diana Molner did not weaken their working relationship, although it was a close run thing.  Doyle was always the one to get involved with the individuals that they were trying to help.  Molner and her brother paid with their lives for their efforts to use drugs to bring down the government in their home country.  The fact that George Cowley had declared the protection of Molner to be an Operation Susie did nothing to undermine their trust in each other, but it badly damaged their trust in George Cowley. 

 

The fury on Doyle’s face when he saw the dead girl, lying in her own blood in the unused train car, would stay with Bodie for a very long time.  It was Bodie, who wanted to take a few with him, in what appeared to be a losing cause, but it was Doyle whose morality was tried to the nth degree when the innocent girl was shot, while supposedly under the two men’s protection.

 

After Diana Molner had been removed by the coroner, the two partners could barely talk to each other.  Doyle’s guilt and fury were at equal levels.  Bodie didn’t know what to do so they returned to CI5 headquarters to write another one of the never ending reports that George Cowley always insisted upon.  Doyle got done first as he often did and stormed out of headquarters not even bothering to talk to Cowley because this time he was really afraid that he would do violence to the older man.

 

It was Bodie, who stayed around, to turn in both reports and who found out that Cowley had used his tremendous influence as leverage against the government minister who was running the search for Diana Molner.  Treason became the lever that got the mission against the innocent woman called off but not in time. 

 

In fact, Bodie was just as upset with Cowley as Doyle was but for a different reason.  Cowley had betrayed Diana Molner because he would not risk CI5 in a confrontation with the Government . . . so Diana Molner paid with her life.  This is what made Doyle furious . . . Cowley preached that innocent civilians must be protected, but everyone and everything became expendable to save CI5, and Doyle could not take it anymore so he walked out of the headquarters, not sure what his plans would be.

 

Bodie, on the other hand, was furious because Cowley, had, once again, made his two agents the scapegoats.  He was used to this concept in the mercs, in the Army and elsewhere, but George Cowley played the game better than anybody, and while Bodie understood it, he could not forgive it this time - - he and especially Doyle had almost lost their lives.  Thinking back to the despair on Doyle’s face as he saw the lifeless body of Diana Molner, Bodie could only think about what would happen to Doyle once Bodie left to join the security firm.

 

Bodie left headquarters and, without thought, drove to Doyle’s flat.  Once he arrived there, he tried to focus his thoughts onto the real reason that he was here.  After all, Doyle was going to have to come to grips with the loss of his partner in just over three months.  Why go and comfort the man now?  Nevertheless, William Bodie left his car and headed towards the outside door to Doyle’s flat.  Banging on the buzzer in his usual rhythmic pattern, Bodie became concerned when the noise didn’t rouse his partner.  He knew Doyle was upset, but was the snarky golli just refusing to answer or was there something seriously wrong?  Bodie’s mind flew back to the most awful day of his life when he had broken into Doyle’s flat and saw the slender man in the white coat, bleeding his life away.

 

If truth were told, Bodie had never been able to forgive himself for forgetting his R/T during the most important crisis of his life.  How could he forget such an important device when it could have cost Doyle his life?  The few extra minutes that it took to run back to the car to call for help might have made the difference and resulted in Doyle’s death and left Bodie all alone.

 

A shudder ran through the ex-merc as he remembered that feeling of being responsible for the possible death of his partner.  Bodie had long ago got used to the feeling of impending death for himself.  There were certainly times in Africa and Jordan where that feeling had been very prevalent and very real, but now that Bodie thought about it, although he had been close to Jase, his death in any of those exotic places would not have meant the same to Bodie as the possibility as Doyle’s loss.

 

The dark abyss of commitment seemed to open as the gates of hell as Bodie suddenly realized how important Doyle had become to him in the past five years.  Maybe that was it:  he had been with Doyle for five years and he had only spent a little over three years, off and on, with Jase.  Time does make the heart grow fonder surmised Bodie as he miss paraphrased the saying.

 

Finally, Bodie heard a sleepy-voiced Doyle answer his buzzer, just as he was preparing to break in.  Bodie let out a sigh of relief as Doyle mumbled, “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

 

Not expecting Doyle to let down his guilt complex long enough to find the time to sleep, Bodie was surprised that his friend had been so out of it that he would not hear the buzzer, but he hoped that the kip had improved his moody partner’s attitude.

 

Rushing up the stairs to the open door, Bodie walked in and looked around.  He could hear Doyle in the small kitchen that went with this new flat.  Walking to the kitchen’s portal, Bodie could still see the curly hair thrown back as Doyle seemed to be draining a jug of juice dry.  Bodie smiled as he remembered that was always Doyle’s remedy for the drowsy effects from an afternoon kip.

 

After Doyle drained the jug, he set it down quietly with a great deal more concentration than the moment warranted.  Obviously, Doyle was struggling for time to regain his composure for what surely was going to be a difficult visit from Bodie.

 

Now that Bodie had Doyle in his sights, he realized that he wasn’t sure what he was going to say or even why he was here.  After all, Ray Doyle was a big boy now and had been in law enforcement for numerous years and had seen death in every one of its ugly forms, and he had survived.  He certainly didn’t need his soon-to-be ex-partner to comfort him, and yet, Bodie, knew that Doyle did need him, and, perhaps, this would be the last time.

 

For a moment the two men stood, staring at each other until Doyle finally burst forth with, “Don’t need a baby-sitter, do I?”

 

“I’m not here to baby-sit.”

 

“Oh, then why are you here?”

 

“Maybe, I need a bit of comfort.”

 

For a moment Doyle stood as if he didn’t know quite what to say, then some of the feeling of abandonment burst forth with his rude question, “Well, why didn’t you go find Jase then?”

 

Bodie’s eyes became hard as the Hope Diamond and somewhat the same colour.  Bodie’s face turned slightly red as he mumbled in the coldest tone he could summon, “Sorry, I bothered.”  He turned quickly and headed towards the front door, but even though Doyle was clearly exhausted, he beat his partner to the door and threw himself in front of it.  He looked up at his partner; his eyes defiant.  “You going to run away from me again?  Before, you would have busted me on the jaw, which I deserve, and then we would have talked.  Is it so hard to talk to me now?”

 

Bodie stood rigidly still, not sure what to say.  Slowly, he brought his left hand up to Doyle’s broken cheek and caressed it.  Doyle closed his eyes as the pleasure seeped through him.  Bodie smiled because Doyle had done this so many times as a prelude to their need for comfort that, more than not, had led to sex.

 

Bodie smiled as he blue eyes sparkled, “You need some sleep, mate.  Let’s go to bed.”

 

For a moment, Doyle’s green orbs flared with anger as he spit out, “Is that all I’m good for now - - sex?”

 

Sadness entered the blue eyes as he continued to stare at the feisty, little mongrel that was prepared to take on both him and the world, if necessary; then Bodie whispered, “No, Angelfish, you’re good for a lot of things, including this.”  Bodie leaned forward and licked the seductive Cupid’s bow lips that had enticed him from the very beginning.  “Let’s go cuddle; won’t have many more times to do so.”

 

For a moment Bodie thought his friend would refuse.  Stubbornness was the very epitome of Doyle’s nature, then something changed in Doyle’s face and the curls began to wiggle as Doyle nodded his head in the affirmative. 

 

By the time the two men were in the bedroom, they were naked.  Doyle occupied his usual side and lay there prepared for whatever Bodie wanted, but after standing by the side of the bed for more than a minute, Bodie shook his head, and said with a great deal of affection.  “Stop playing the martyr, Ray.  This is about both of us, and we both need comfort.  I know you don’t think much of my past, but I’m not into seein’ young women slaughtered either, just to make it more convenient for someone else.”

Slowly, Bodie entered the bed and took the slender, walking wet dream into his arms.  Within seconds the two men were entwined as Doyle laid his head on Bodie’s shoulder.  Their need for comfort overrode everything at the moment, and the tender kisses lavished by Bodie up and down the curly top was like a soporific as Doyle’s eyes became heavier and heavier.  Within seconds, Doyle was asleep.  Bodie, however, continued to look at the exhausted face for several more minutes before, he too fell asleep.

 

When Doyle woke several hours later, it was to the irritating sound of his R/T.  Groping around for it, he knocked it off the nightstand before finally answering the call.  “4.5, what’s up?”

 

“Is that the proper way to answer a call, 4.5?”

 

“Sorry, sir, haven’t had much sleep and I’m a bit groggy on the fundamentals of responding on the R/T.”

 

“Hmmm, I’m looking for 3.7 as well, would you have any idea where he is located?”

 

Realizing that Bodie must have left his R/T in his car, Doyle quickly looked over at the bundled mass that occupied the other side of the bed.  Bodie was just waking up, so his rate of comprehension was only one step above the primordial ooze.  Luckily for the ex-Para, he had been trained to re-focus almost immediately so both men were ready to listen. 

 

Grabbing Doyle’s R/T, Bodie acknowledged his location while Doyle rushed around the room grabbing clothes if an immediate call-out was necessary. 

 

“Very well, 4.5 and 3.7, I will expect you in my office at precisely 9.00 hours tomorrow.  Doyle, be sure that you see the doctor about those burns on your wrists.  We cannot afford to have you less than perfect on the range.”

 

“The range, sir?”

 

“Yes, I believe you do know what that is.  Your recent activities have not permitted you much time to perfect your talents, and then you will see Macklin for a ‘refresher’ course on proper methods during a siege.”

 

Doyle looked at Bodie who seemed to be slightly flustered.  Doyle, on the other hand, was furious.  After what Cowley had done, he had the nerve to question their method of defending themselves.  It was true a civilian was killed, but Cowley had virtually abandoned the three of them to the mercy of the Ministry’s mob.

 

Once again, Bodie took the R/T from his partner’s hand and acknowledged the sign-off.  The temperature was extremely cold in the room, and Bodie knew that it wasn’t from the weather outside.  He could see that Doyle was furious.  Figuring it was better to launch a defence rather than be overwhelmed, Bodie opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately silenced by a cold glare from his partner, and then the famous Doyle temper really took hold.

 

“You’ve already seen Cowley?  You talked to him and did nothing to let him know what we thought of his efforts to save Diana Molner.  How dare you come here last night and try and romance me out of filing a complaint about Cowley’s tactics.  He’s such a hypocrite; he’s always preaching that civilians must come first.  Isn’t that in his golden words of wisdom in his little pep talk to all new recruits?  And you practically go running to him to kiss his . . . well, whatever you kiss.”

 

Doyle was so infuriated that he didn’t see the punch coming, but he certainly felt the message that it left.  Popping back up he immediately threw himself at Bodie’s angry body and the two men began to wrestle.  The bed made it more difficult to get good holds and certainly hindered their mobility, but both men were totally exhausted as they would not call it quits.

 

Finally, difficulty in grabbing the sweat encrusted bodies became so much a preponderance of the match that the two men dropped to the mattress, feeling as if they had been run over by a lorry.

 

The partners lay side by side for several minutes, then a gasping Doyle whispered, “You goin’ to explain yourself?”

 

For a moment, Bodie was silent then he began in a ritual sing-song voice, “Well, I was born in 1946.  I grew up in Liverpool.  I have a tattoo on my . . . “

 

The ex-merc had to give up his sing-song recitation, however, when the air was driven out of his body as Doyle threw himself on his partner’s vulnerable stomach.  The wrestling began anew but ended much quicker as both men were extremely tired.  Doyle sat on his knees for a moment before turning and flopping supine next to his recent wrestling mate.  “I didn’t mean your life story, you moron. I meant explain yourself for betraying our partnership and going to Cowley.”

 

“I didn’t betray our partnership.  Remember, you were the one who flounced out of headquarters today, so I was left with turning in both reports.  Cowley caught me as I was putting them in Betty’s in-box, and told me that he had actually threatened Northcott with a charge of treason in order to get his men called off.  It wasn’t Cowley’s fault that Diana was killed before the order went through.”

 

Doyle said nothing for several minutes so Bodie sat up in bed and stared at the slender, seductive body.  Even in his fury, Doyle was beautiful.  Finally, Doyle spoke, “You know I’m beginnin’ to think that you’re right to get out of this business.  If we have to protect civilians from our own government, then what good are we?”

 

Bodie looked down at the bed as if he didn’t know what answer to give.  “I guess we just do our best, and hope we succeed sometimes.”

 

Doyle sat up and stared with his green eyes looking as frozen as Bodie had ever seen them, “Yeah, I guess that’s why you move on so often, so you don’t have to deal with some of this shite.”  With those words, Doyle bounced off the bed and headed toward the loo.

 

By the time, Doyle was done with his overlong shower which he was deliberately using to calm down his fury; Bodie had left his bed and the flat.  Doyle wiped his eyes in despair.  He had alienated his partner once again.  Maybe it was a good thing that their partnership would come to an end in just a few months.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Rhythmic breathing and tired legs came hand in hand as Doyle continued his running.  He had to make the next telephone kiosk before the time was up.  It was absolutely vital that he be there to take the eerily machine-generated voice.  As Doyle ran, he thought about his ability to compete in running at the Olympics or the Commonwealth games then decided that running for George Cowley was enough for one lifetime.

 

Soon after the next phone message, Doyle met the crude, Ferris, a man so unlikable that he wondered why people hadn’t immediately put a knife in his paunchy gut.  After he heard Ferris’ proposition and then met Twig, he no longer wondered because he decided Twig was such an obnoxious thug that a person trying to decide which one to eliminate first, probably couldn’t do so without inflicting both scum with the effects of a .357 magnum.

 

Doyle and his partner were working together on this effort to bring down a ring of assassins who murdered supposed nobodies.  They were working together and yet they weren’t.  Doyle was trying to infiltrate the assassin’s circle while Bodie had already done so and was working with a blond named Williams.

 

Cowley figured that two inside men, working for CI5, was better than one, but it soon became readily apparent that Doyle’s cover had been blown, probably by the boss of the assassins.  Staring down Williams’ gun, Doyle realized that he might seriously end up dead in the next several seconds if Bodie didn’t react.

 

Doyle felt the adrenalin being pumped into his body as he stood in a forested area with his heart racing as he stared at the unknown man, and it was quite obvious that Williams was ready to shoot.  For the first time in the long history of their partnership, Doyle was no longer sure about Bodie’s actions.  Finally, Bodie did react, but the rage in Doyle’s slender frame overwhelmed him even as he found out that Williams was an MI6 operative working undercover just as he and Bodie were.

 

As Bodie and Doyle took Williams into “custody” to meet Cowley and hear his explanation of how MI6 was involved, Doyle sat in the back of Bodie’s car pondering what had just happened.  His lack of trust in Bodie badly shook the older agent as he realized that perhaps his relationship with Bodie was no longer as solid as it once had been.  How could he tell Bodie that he had really thought, for a second, that Bodie might actually allow his partner to be shot to keep his cover intact?

 

Williams was now being interrogated by Cowley so the two agents were free for a few moments, but the tension between the two of them was so thick that neither said anything.  The problem was that Doyle didn’t think that Bodie really understood why Doyle was so upset.  In Bodie’s own mind, it was only reasonable to wait to the last second to react to the threat to Doyle, and this is what he tried to explain to his neurotic, paranoid partner, but to Doyle, it had been hideously dangerous to allow the scene to have gone so far.  Another second and Doyle would have been dead.  What would Bodie have said then - - “Ta, I didn’t think that he had that fast of reflexes.”  They could have put that on Doyle’s grave stone.

 

Doyle went home, free to leave because he was no longer undercover, but he soon returned to the chase as the traitor was identified.  The need to chase Dawson, Deputy Head of MI6 and long time traitor, was adventurous as well as dramatic.  As Bodie and Doyle returned to CI5 headquarters slightly the worse for wear from having their rubber boat stranded by a lucky shot and their clothes wet with spray, Doyle once again contemplated the choices that were made by both himself and his partner. 

 

Doyle had had to reach across the rapidly racing rubber raft to hang onto Bodie as he nearly fell out of the raft into the Thames.  _What if I hadn’t reached across, would Bodie have been hurt or died?_   In previous years, before the arrival of Jase and all the events that had taken place, Doyle would never have needed to even contemplate that question.  He would have acted instinctively and never thought about it again, but this case had had two remarkable incidents, which showed how far the partners had strayed from their legendary trust:  Bodie had let Williams get dangerously close to killing Doyle and Doyle had to reach his hand across at precisely the right second to save his partner who was barely staying in the raft. 

 

What had had happened to the partners’ natural instincts?

 

Doyle went to his flat, completely exhausted.  He had a headache that would not leave.  He knew it was from tension, but it wasn’t just the tension of the recently completed case, it was the tension that had manifested itself between Ray Doyle and William Bodie.  It was much like the tension that the two men had worked under in their first days of being partners, only this time it was for a different reason, but what really was that reason?

 

Over the next few days, Bodie said very little about what had occurred.  Instinctively, Doyle knew that Bodie was uneasy about what had occurred and had obliquely apologized for letting Doyle get into Williams’ sight when he had said that he hoped the Golli hadn’t pissed his tight jeans when he looked down William’s gun barrel.

 

Doyle had said nothing, but the phrase had grated against Doyle’s sorely wounded feelings and so, once again, as he lay on his settee thinking about the day’s events, he began to question what had happened to the once close partnership.  Was that closeness gone or just damaged by the advent of Jase into Bodie’s life or what?

 

When Ann Holly had made her nine days’ appearance, she had upset the equilibrium for a time, but she was out of Doyle’s life so quickly that Doyle felt that the partnership had made a good recovery.  Maybe the redeemed relationship was more because of Bodie’s attitude, the comfort that he offered even though Doyle had been even more snarky and moody than usual.

 

Maybe that was the problem OR really maybe Doyle was the problem.  He had come to expect and take Bodie’s loyalty for granted.  Doyle’s need for a constant friendship with Bodie opened Doyle’s previously wilfully blind eyes to how selfish he had been with Bodie’s friendship.  Maybe, Bodie had got tired of always being taken for granted, and when Jase re-entered his life, Bodie decided to act upon his feelings.  After all Jase was wealthy, doing important work, and certainly was attractive.  Doyle well knew the wandering lust that Bodie had always possessed.  Why should he be surprised that after five years of the selfish, short-sighted treatment that Doyle had dished out to his partner, that Bodie had called enough and decided to go on to a different life.  Who could blame the man who had been to many parts of the world and done many things, if he was tired of Ray Doyle after five years?

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDD

 

“Hey, mate.  What’s this about a purple bathrobe that you’ve been flouncin’ in?”

 

The two men were back at Doyle’s regular flat after the completion of an undercover op that offered a wide cast of characters, including:  a beautiful and sophisticated prostitute, some horses, a killer who had gunned down an opponent of his country’s government, a supposed “shot” Bodie, and a great deal more.  Top that off with the daughter of a woman’s rights activist staging a spectacular march that permitted CI5 to take one of the scums of the Earth off the streets of London, and the two men had every right to be knackered.  Instead, Bodie was up and running to hear about the purple robe.

 

Green orbs looked at his partner like he was a moron.  For a moment, Bodie could see that Doyle was contemplating playing dumb about the whole thing then he sighed, and replied, “It was just something I wore to look the part of a wealthy man about town so it didn’t look strange for Anna to come to the door.”

 

Bodie smirked rather audaciously as he blurted out, “I think everyone of your neighbours, Doyle would know what SHE was doing there; they would just think it was a bit strange, is all.”

 

Doyle sat up very straight, acting very wary and offended as well.  “What you mean by that, you dumb crud?”

 

“Well, quite frankly, what would a beautiful, sophisticated, and knowledgeable female such as Anna want with a mangy, skinny runt like you?  Of course, she hadn’t seen me yet, so that could explain it; you know - - puttin’ up with the leavings until the _pièce de résistance_ , namely me, showed up to give her a good time.”

 

Doyle snorted and began choking on his lager which his partner had got for him as if the ex-merc was used to making the Doyle’s flat his own.  Since some of the liquor went down the wrong pipe, Doyle began coughing and continued trying to gasp for his breath, until Bodie went over and thumped his partner on the back several times.

 

That stopped the coughing, but caused the red faced golli to come up swinging with his dismay over Bodie’s treatment, “You moron, what’d you hit me so hard for, bet you broke at least three ribs.  I’ll be maimed for weeks.  If I have to go on sick leave, you’ll pay for all me pain and me food while I’m sufferin’ on me bed of misery.”

 

Now it was Bodie’s turn to snort.  His golli had always been a minor hypochondriac when it was something small, but when he had got shot in the heart and was laid up for months, he withdrew and treated everyone with cold distain.  Bodie ignored his partner’s miserable personality during all those weeks, because he knew how fearful Doyle was about ever being able to return to the A Squad.  Bodie thought he knew his partner very well, and to him, it was obvious that Doyle feared his days of street duty were over and then who would guard Bodie’s back?

 

That thought was like a cold slap in the face with a wet flannel.  Doyle had endured untold hours of pain, physical therapy, and meetings with Kate Ross, just to get back on the squad and be Bodie’s partner, and now . . . now it was Bodie walking away to a new life, not because of a career ending wound, but so he could join Jase in making individuals more safe, and, of course, for the money.  Bodie sighed as these thoughts passed through his mind.  He didn’t know why, but they made him feel vaguely guilty, which was ridiculous, since he had nothing to feel guilty about.  Doyle would do the same thing, if he had the chance.

 

Allowing Doyle to regain his breath and his equilibrium, Bodie walked out to the kitchen to get some digestive biscuits and some fresh juice that Bodie knew Doyle always kept in his frig.  As he handed one biscuit and the juice to his partner, he studied the beautiful face very carefully.  It was still slightly red, and somehow the recent coughing fit seemed to emphasize the implant that had been put in the broken right cheek.  Bodie continued to watch the animated face as Doyle took a delicate bite of the biscuit and a sip of the juice.  Then, as though perturbed by Bodie’s constant observation, Doyle looked up and asked, “You see something you don’t like?”

 

Bodie shook his head vigorously and stated affirmatively, “No, mate, you fit me fine, but I’ve never seen you wear a purple robe before, so tell me about it.”

 

“And just how did you know about me wearing a purple robe?

 

Bodie smiled one of his most wicked smiles.  One of the ones that had broken many a female heart, “Anna, of course, she was enamoured with my amazin’ physique and sparkling personality so I talked to her and definitely gave her the time of my day.”

 

Doyle stared into the blue eyes, not believing a thing.  Never at a loss for words, the clever tongued 4.5, muttered, “More like you were like a physic to her and she had to run to the loo every five minutes.”

 

Bodie put on his little boy pout and looked like he was terribly hurt, going so far as to stick out his lower lip.  His whole appearance never failed to make Ray feel sorry for what he said.

 

Doyle sighed and rubbed his tired eyes.  He had not told Bodie how badly shaken he had been when he thought for a moment while in that warehouse that Bodie was dead, either from the villain trying to run Bodie over or that Doyle had killed him with a live bullet that he had thought was blank.  Even though he had been wrapped in his bomber jacket, his slim body shuddered in horror, until he got to his partner who was lying in a prone position on the warehouse floor.

 

“There’s not that much to tell, you licentious monster.  It was purple, made of silk, and came down to my ankles.  All in all, it was quite luxurious; after all I’m not used to such luxury since I’ve had to settle for the dregs of humanity in order to have such a partner.”

 

“Hmmmmm, I would have loved to have seen it; I’ll buy you one just like it for Christmas.”  At that thought, Bodie realized that he would not be with CI5 by the time the Christmas season arrived.  Slightly embarrassed, Bodie quickly hopped onto another subject.  “You were sure one lucky sod to be able to get so close to our dear, blond Anna.  You don’t think Cowley was kind of sweet on her, do you?

 

Doyle went along with Bodie’s change in topic because his pounding heart couldn’t take the pain when reminded that Bodie wouldn’t be with Doyle at Christmas time.  “Nah, I doubt it.  After all that is just not the done thing, surely.”

 

Doyle had said the last phrase in a very haughty and high brow tone of voice which got the result he wanted: Bodie laughed. 

 

“Too bad you had to return the robe to wardrobe so that I couldn’t see it.”

 

Doyle stared for a moment debating what to say.  Finally, he whispered, “I didn’t return it; I told them it was slightly damaged, and they let me buy it for a good price.”

 

Bodie’s eyebrows shot up as the image of a naked Doyle prancing around in his flat with only the purple silk robe to cover his assets.  Bodie’s mouth began to drool at the thought.  Sitting silently for a few minutes, Bodie began sending silent thoughts to Doyle, hoping that the skinny man would read them.

 

Finally, when that didn’t seem to be working, Bodie tried a more direct approach, “Ta mate, I really need to use your loo, you suppose you could get the purple robe out while I’m in there and then show it to me?”

 

Doyle nodded his approval of the plan and Bodie made a B-line, directly to the loo.  When he left it feeling ready to take on anything, however, he was not prepared for what was lying on the bed.  There was Ray Doyle, clothed only in the purple robe, spread out across the snow white sheet with the duvet thrown back so that Doyle was completely on display.

 

Bodie’s mouth dropped open, while a bit of drool gently oozed down his lip.  For about three seconds, Bodie ogled this vision of his seducer, but quickly Bodie’s eyes travelled further down to notice that the lower part of the robe was not completely closed.  Bodie could clearly Ray’s weeping, red cock displayed in all its glory.

 

Bodie felt like he wanted to leap on the bed and have his wicked way with the gorgeous siren who paraded himself in front of him, but he also knew that that action might seriously undermine his resolve for leaving CI5 in the near future, so Bodie hesitated  . . . for about five seconds then he began to strip.

 

Grabbing the slender man, Bodie quickly began caressing the furry chest with his lips.  How he loved the smell of Doyle’s body:  when he was aroused, when he was sweaty, in fact any moment that he was around the most annoying, argumentative, lovable golli in the world.  The past few years, sharing his partner’s bed off and on had been some of the greatest moments of his life.  He had often regretted the pact that they had made that it would be sex only and no commitment, but he had never done anything to change the rules. 

 

Bodie lay there holding the slender man in a tight embrace, working his lips over Doyle’s most erotic tender points.  Bodie had made it a point to discover each and everyone in the three plus years that they had been having sex.  Doyle was a great lover, but that was what Bodie was trying to avoid.  He hadn’t had many lovers, even though his body had known many men and women in his thirty-three years.  The trouble was that every time he had trusted someone or committed himself to someone, they had turned against him, or had been lost.  No, not committing was the safest thing to do because quite frankly, he would not have been able to bear the idea of losing Doyle through death, or somehow betraying his trust.  It was better that he walk away, rather than Doyle and he making a commitment that ended badly.

 

Bodie continued to lay next to Doyle, breathing in the Doyle essence, trying to store it in his olfactory system so that he could bring it forth with just a memory for the years to come - - years that would be filled with being alone.  He had sometimes, while in Africa and other places “settled” for a body that would scratch the itch of need, but Bodie knew that leaving Doyle behind would mean leaving a great deal more of himself than just simple sex.  Every time he saw purple in the future, it would remind him of these moments with Doyle and his gorgeous body wrapped in the purple silk robe.

 

As dawn came peeking through the badly closed drape, Bodie struggled quietly to leave his partner’s side, but the warm body turned so that he was totally entwined with Bodie’s body.  Bodie sighed, this might be the last time that he would ever have this bliss, better make the most of it

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

OJUKA!

 

What a name and what a man, as Bodie drove the Capri up the drive towards the chaos that was a criminal investigation, Bodie thought about a lot of things including a civilian who could personally gun down two bad guys.  When Cowley had called them out, he had been with Phyllis or was it Patty, or maybe Penny, he really couldn’t remember, but he remembered every feature of the sexy, sleepy golli who ran to his car and their day began at this school where the now-dead assassins had disturbed the tranquillity.

 

Bodie’s contract was almost up, and yet he had not taken the final steps to sever his relations with CI5, Cowley, or, of course, his partner.  He knew that he would have to do so in the very near future.  He was usually not this indecisive, and he had never had this much problem moving on in the past.  Maybe Doyle already had his tentacles in Bodie’s body, and it would take more than just a few words to remove himself.  Surgery might be the answer, but was it worth the pain to do so? 

 

Walking up to George Cowley, the two partners saw Major Danby of SIS walk away.  It must be difficult to have to tell a woman that she was now a widow, but 3.7 and 4.5 were hardened agents who had seen many deaths and knew that the same fate could be awaiting them at any time.  They listened to Cowley’s briefing on what had occurred, and what their mission was.  Bodie had heard of Ojuka’s reputation from his days in Africa.  When Cowley gave Bodie the gun that Ojuka had used to kill his would-be assassins, Bodie recognized the proficiency that the man exhibited in dealing with the threat of death.  Still, the handsome black man was here to gain favours from the British government so he better do as Bodie and Doyle said.

 

The first safe house proved to be a disaster.  As Bodie sat in the car on the outside, Doyle’s teasing of his friend as a priapismic monster was one of the few light-hearted moments in a very long day.  Within minutes, both CI5 agents were fighting for their lives with Doyle once again saving Bodie’s life and commenting about Bodie using up his nine lives.

 

The whole mission seemed to go from bad to worse.  As Ojuka was being transported to a new safe house, they were attacked once again, and this time Doyle had to kill two assassins who were bent on killing everyone in Bodie’s Capri.  The three men immediately went to ground at a local hotel, after Doyle gave the receptionists a cock and bull story about being guppy salesmen.

 

Once again the banter between the two partners was natural and comforting.  It had been so long since it seemed as if they could work well together, but Doyle’s story about the guppy lost to the hungry cat earned him another one of Bodie’s nicknames:  Angelfish.

 

This time, however, his Angelfish was captured and almost killed.  Parker and another confederate had broken into the three adjoining rooms, using the receptionist as hostage.  The fight was over quickly because Doyle refused to risk the girl’s life, but Parker killed her anyway, leaving another death on Doyle’s conscience.

 

Dragging the CI5 agent into the car with Ojuka, Doyle was extremely grateful that Bodie had been given a separate assignment to keep surveillance on the house owned by the would-be traitor, John Avery.  Therefore, when Bodie saw Doyle and Ojuka being dragged into that same house a few hours later, Bodie knew his friend was in trouble, but more importantly, Doyle knew that Bodie was nearby.

 

Cowley had given Bodie orders to wait until further back-up arrived, but realizing that waiting might get his partner killed, Bodie moved in closer to the house, prepared to do whatever was necessary to save the life of the man who was so important to him, even though he didn’t want to admit it.

 

A shot rang out.  Bodie’s imagination ran riot with the possibility that Doyle had been killed.  With that fear, causing his stomach to drop and his heart to pound, Bodie moved in and began to kill anyone he saw.  Luckily Doyle soon joined him in the fray and within a few moments, it was all over with Cowley and the back-up team there to clean up the dead bodies and take Ojuka on to his meeting.

 

As the two agents stood watching Cowley driving away with Ojuka in tow, the words, “I wasn’t talking about Ojuka, sir,” still rang in the air.  Cowley had accused 3.7 of forgetting his duty to which Bodie asked the question, “How d’you think you’d feel if you let them get him?”

 

Cowley had totally miss-read the question when he responded, “My concern with Ojuka has got nothing to do with insubordination.”

 

Bodie’s reply could clearly be heard by the man standing nearby rubbing the skin on his wrists, “I wasn’t talking about Ojuka.”

 

Those few words made Doyle feel better, but now was not the time to question his partner about the meaning of the words.  His battle with Parker had exhausted him.  It hadn’t helped that Parker had hit the tied-up man in the stomach and worked him over.  Doyle needed some time to recuperate then he would tackle Bodie’s motives for his recent insubordination.

 

After the reports were written and turned in to the ever-efficient Betty, Bodie sat staring into space.  Very seldom did he and Doyle use their small office unless they were pounding away at the typewriter provided for their reports.  Doyle had sashayed off somewhere, but hadn’t told Bodie where he was going.  Bodie strongly suspected that his partner was in more pain than he would admit to, and had gone to seek out some medical advice.

 

The Ojuka case had shaken Bodie more than almost any other case the two partners had been on.  It was true that seeing the dying Doyle lying in his own pool of blood had to top the list, but the first few minutes as Bodie was racing up the fire escape and not knowing what had happened to Doyle were the worst part.  He had been confident that Doyle would pull through.  He never doubted that the stubborn golli would fight to live.  He had tried to get his partner to talk about those moments when Doyle was unconscious.

 

Bodie was no psychiatrist, but he had seen other men who had not been able to deal with serious wounds, who had just given up, and he was not about to let that happen to 4.5.  This case, however, was different.  That shot had terrified Bodie because he didn’t know what had happened to his partner; he could be lying dead, and it would have been partly Bodie’s fault for not moving in sooner.  Once again the ex-military man had to obey Cowley’s orders.  Bodie closed his eyes, his memory in torment over that gut searing moment when he thought he heard Doyle’s death bullet.

 

The fact that Doyle was alive and came out fighting scarcely alleviated the burden on the ex-merc’s shoulders.  He kept thinking to himself, if I just find Doyle alive I’ll . . ., but what was it he would do?  He had been the one who had set the rules for their physical relationship and Doyle had never seemed to question the parameters.  In fact, Doyle didn’t seem terribly upset about the fact that he was leaving.  Maybe, Bodie had read his partner’s feelings totally wrong?  Doyle was always the sentimental one, but this time he seemed to be maintaining his control very well.

 

Bodie tried to decide if he should track Doyle down.  After all, the man hadn’t exactly explained how he had got the burns on his wrists or what else Parker had done to him.  There had been a haunted look in the skinny sod’s eyes that Bodie didn’t like, but did he have any right to question Doyle if the man didn’t want to tell him?

 

In years past, Bodie knew that he would have persisted until Doyle would have read him out for his nosiness, but now their relationship seemed so far apart.  Bodie risked his job to save Doyle, but the comfort and closeness that they normally enjoyed was gone.

 

Talking to himself, Bodie whispered, “Bet the crud wants to be alone; better just forget it for tonight.  I’ll see him tomorrow and find out what happened.”

 

  

  1. Sleep was a long time coming, however, since the green eyes kept seeing the image of Bodie and Jase’s orgasmic ecstasy being played out against the backdrop of the darkened ceiling.
  



 

Without really realizing it, a bit of moisture slid down Doyle’s broken cheek as he felt the hurt and despair of losing Bodie began to overwhelm.  Silently he vowed to himself that if the moron wanted Jase then Raymond Doyle would do nothing to try and open the idiot’s eyes to the mistake he was making.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Bodie was leaving today.  All the parties had been held, all the presents had been given, and all the kisses (from the female personnel and a few male) had been lavished on the man going away.  Bodie had been with CI5 for over five years.  That in itself was a long time in this tough profession, but the going away, although most people had really tried, still seemed like a wake for a friend, who while not dead was still lost.

 

In the last weeks before Bodie’s exit, the days had been routine with little excitement.  Cowley had been free with rather lengthy leave for Bodie so that he could arrange his affairs, find a new flat, and deal with the thousand and one things that seemed to keep popping up to this man “who had always travelled light.”

 

Now everything was done, even George Cowley’s farewell was over with; only Doyle remained.  Bodie had been pounded on the back so much his shoulders hurt, he kept thinking that he would tell Doyle about all the kisses he got and all the pressies, but then he remembered, that his former partner would scarcely be interested in hearing about it.  He would have to tell Jase about all the goings on, but he wasn’t really sure that the former merc would be terribly interested.

 

Sighing, he had made the rounds, saying good-bye, but now he was looking for his partner . . . ex-partner.  Doyle had been exceedingly quiet and even more moody than usual.  Bodie told himself that he shouldn’t be surprised about that, but still he had hoped that Doyle had come to accept what had to be, and would attend all the festivities with good grace.  He should have known that that was unlikely.

 

Finally, after asking almost everyone in the building if they had seen Doyle, Fred who guarded the door, told Bodie that 4.5 had gone out to the car park several minutes before.  Suddenly, Bodie’s heart began to beat faster, _the crazy golli hadn’t left without saying a word, had he?_

Rushing out to the car park, he quickly spotted his new car.  Jase had insisted that an employee of SAVING LIVES had to have a new vehicle and not anything like a Capri or Escort or anything so common and mundane.  Bodie appreciated the gesture, but secretly he missed the silver Capri that he and Doyle had chased so many bad guys in.

 

Looking at his new silver XJ Jaguar, Bodie saw the once shiny car bedazzled with slogans. The first time he had seen it, it had reminded him of Doyle’s J series Jaguar that had been destroyed by Preston while trying to get his revenge against Doyle.  He had teased Doyle that the car was a relic, while Doyle had insisted it was a classic.

 

Well this silver beauty was brand new, but it didn’t look new since there were also signs hanging from the back.  The agents had really done a number on his new acquisition.  He read a few of them:  WATCH OUT FOR THE STUD, BEWARE: DANGEROUS MAN, etc., but he didn’t stop to read them all.  He didn’t see Doyle so he decided it was better to get out of there.  Entering the car, he saw a piece of notepaper lying on the left side bucket seat.  Picking it up, he knew who it was from.  Opening it very carefully, Bodie read:

 

 _To the best partner a man could ever have._

 _Be careful, Bodie.  You deserve the best.  Remember you work for a security firm now, so keep yourself secure.  CI5 won’t be the same without you._

 _Ray_

The back of Bodie’s throat and roof of the mouth ached with the pain those few words caused.  Damn the man!  If he had had Doyle there now, he would have . . .  what would he have done; probably something that would have embarrassed both of them?

 

Moving out carefully (there was no squealing the tyres with this lady) to go to Doyle’s flat to talk to him, he heard the pips from the mobile phone that Jase had insisted be put in the car.  Not really wanting to hear Jase, Bodie picked up the phone and said, “Yeah, what do you need?”

 

There was amusement in Jase’s voice as it came back over the phone, “Fine way to talk to your boss.  I want you to come on over to my apartment right now.  I have a small party planned to welcome you into the SAVING LIVES fold.  Expect you in thirty minutes.”

 

About to say that he really didn’t want to come, the phone clicked off.  About to ring Jase back, Bodie stopped his hand from making that gesture.  It was about time William Bodie faced the fact that he had started a new life, and it was time to act like it.  The people and the memories of the past were just that, and they had to stay in the past.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

Three months later, William Bodie walked into Jase Stephens’ office with the documents the man had requested.  It had taken Bodie awhile to settle in, but he had to admit that Jase’s firm did handle some pretty exclusive clients along with some individuals who were just plain pains in the arse.  Thanks to his CI5 training, Bodie had handled one and all with ease.  His diplomatic skills had made him popular with the _hoy polloy_ as well as the lesser mortals who tramped the earth.  Bodie figured that Jase had every reason to be pleased with his work, and since this was the first weekend since he had begun to work for SAVING LIVES that he didn’t have to work, he was looking forward to a change.  He had been in contact with Murphy several times and knew that the tall, handsome agent was now working off and on with the highly volatile 4.5.  Bodie wouldn’t admit it, but he wanted to hear more about what his former partner had been doing.

 

Jase read over the documents quickly, signing them immediately.  His sandy hair was glistening, and his boss seemed to be in a good humour.  Bodie stood quietly almost at attention until Jase looked up into Bodie’s deep blue eyes and noticed his rigid stance.  “At ease, Sargeant.”

 

Almost automatically Bodie started to go to parade rest or at least or whatever and then realized that Jase was lightly mocking him.  Bodie smiled at his long time friend then flopped into the large, comfy chair that sat behind him.

 

“This is really good, Bodie.  You certainly have justified my faith in you.  All of your recent assignments have been of a calibre that I would expect from you.  Keep it up, and we’ll be discussing partnership a lot earlier than after a six months trial run.”

 

“Thank you, Jase.  I’m still surprised about the calibre of agents you have working for you.  I thought I noticed a couple that had been at CI5 at one time.”

 

Jase laughed, “Of course, you have.  You don’t think I always let Mr. Cowley have the crème of the crop, do you, and now that I have you, my stable can only get better.”

 

Knowing Jase as well as Bodie did, he was not surprised by Jase’s crude phrasing of his last sentence.  Nevertheless, the words antagonized Bodie for no specific reason, but it did irritate him that he had been somewhat compared to a stud who would now bring in the fillies to be “serviced”.

 

Deciding to ignore Jase’s careless remark, Bodie stood, needlessly straightening his perfectly tailored suit.  Looking at his Rolex (faintly missing his Superman watch), Bodie looked up and smiled at the director of SAVING LIVES, “Well, Jase, if you don’t mind, I am off the time clock and I do have someone I’m going to meet in less than an hour.”

 

Jase studied him for several minutes, as if trying to decide what to do.  Finally, he seemed to decide, “I’m sorry that you’re going to be busy.  I was hoping that you and I could have dinner together and spend sometime in my apartment, talking about your promotion.”

 

Stunned, Bodie was barely able to put two words together so he asked, “Promotion?”

 

“Well, don’t look so surprised.  You must know how well you’ve been doing and how quickly I’ve come to rely on you.  With your knowledge of German and a few other languages, you’re a real find for the firm.  I’m thinking of making you my partner and announcing it in the next month.  That’s what I was hoping to discuss with you this evening, but if you have to go, don’t let me stop you.”

 

Bodie stood there staring, he really wanted to see Murphy and talk over old times, but as he had had to tell himself many times in the last three months, he had moved on, and Murphy would understand.  “Well, of course, if it’s something like that, I’ll be more than happy to talk to you.”  Putting on a smile that was rather forced, he waited for Jase to give him the information he would need.

 

Two hours later Bodie was seated comfortably in Jase’s magnificent lounge.  The apartment had everything that a man could want, including a computer hook-up that was second to none and would give CI5 a real run for its money.  Jase had been the perfect host, even offering Bodie a comfortable satin jacket so that he could relax and get out of his long worn suit jacket.

 

Bodie had declined the offer, but somehow found himself removing his jacket anyway because he had worn it for most of the day.  Several drinks later, the two men were feeling at ease and talking about old times.  The food that Jase kept giving him was delicious.  More than once Bodie had thought about how easy it would be to get used to this life style.

 

Bodie looked at his watch and realized that it was getting late, and they had not yet discussed the promotion that had been the reason for the meeting in the first place.

“Jase, it’s getting late.  Could we talk a bit about your thoughts about my promotion to partner?  I do have some money put aside if that would be necessary.  I don’t think it’s fair that I just move into the job without either more experience with the firm or, at least, contributing monetarily to the assets of the firm.”

 

Jase laughed, looking at the body of his friend in a much different manner than previously.  “Don’t worry about that, mate.  I promise you that you will be making quite a few contributions to the assets of the firm, as you put it.  In fact, you’re right, it is rather late.  Why don’t you bed down here for the night?  I have a big comfortable bed . . . in the guest room that you are welcome to use.  I’m sure I can find you all the appropriate necessities.”

 

For a moment a shiver ran through Bodie’s body at the possible meaning of Jase’s words, but he shook it off.  Jase knew very well that Bodie wasn’t here because of their physical past; he was here to do an important job and nothing else.  In a quiet but barely controlled voice, Bodie said, “I’m sorry, Jase, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.  I want to get to the office early tomorrow.  Remember, the Oppenheimer case might come to a head, and I want to be there since you gave it to me to control.  Besides me getting up might bother you and we wouldn’t want that, do we?”

 

Jase stared at his friend, torn between making a big deal of the invitation and letting it go.  It was perfectly obvious that Bodie was not yet ready to fall into line, but it wouldn’t take much more, if Jase played his cards right.  Smiling, he stood up, and walked over to Bodie and patted him on the shoulder, “You’re absolutely right, my friend, with you on the payroll, I can relax and show up to the office at a decent hour instead of around dawn like I used to.  I promise we’ll talk about you moving up, in the very near future.”

 

Saying good night, Bodie left quickly, his blue eyes displaying a faintly haunted look.  Shrugging his shoulders, he realized that Jase’s behaviour tonight was different from his carefully controlled treatment of Bodie in the last several months.  The two men had split up after Jordan on very good terms, but Bodie wanted to be sure that Jase had not fallen under the false impression that Bodie wanted anything more from him than the partnership that he had been promised.

 

The next morning the Oppenheimer case broke and several agents earned their pay for the month by saving the life of the man they were guarding.  By 11.00 hours the whole thing was wrapped up and Bodie was sitting at his desk, reading the reports on what had occurred.  Bodie looked up to see Jase just entering his own office and waved at him.  Expecting Jase to come over and shoot the breeze with him, as he usually did, Bodie instead heard the sound of the expensive television set blaring out in Jase’s office.

 

Wandering next door to tell Jase about the success of the Oppenheimer case, Bodie turned his head to see Jase concentrating on a news event that had pre-empted the regular programming.  Jase was a junkie for news; he constantly said that it was the life’s blood of the security business.  Bodie hadn’t thought much about it since George Cowley had demanded that all his agents keep up with the news on a regular basis.  Bodie, therefore, had just decided he would return to his office and talk to Jase later when he heard some words that stopped him in his tracks. 

 

Just then Jase seemed to notice Bodie, and motioned him forward.  There seemed to be a glow on his face as he watched the drama play out.  “Hey, it seems some nutter was threatening to explode a nerve gas right in the middle of Battersea Power Station Park, but some of your lads stopped him.  They had a tank out there and everything.  I’ll bet Cowley puts a D-Notice on the whole thing, but in that public a place, he won’t be able to keep the lid on it long.”

 

Bodie stood there staring at the telly, barely understanding what Jase was nattering on about.  His body felt like it had been hooked up to a 20,000 volt generator as his nerve ends began to prickle.  Finally, after a few seconds, Bodie mumbled something like “Excuse me,” and rushed out of Jase’s office.  Jase turned around to look at the rapidly fleeing Bodie, shrugged, and then returned to watching the wind up of the drama at Battersea.

 

Hours later, Bodie practically crawled to the door of his expensive, SAVING LIVES - issued apartment.  It was everything that the CI5 flats never were.  It had running water that stayed hot as long as you wanted; it had lifts that always worked, and it had the most amazing king-size bed that Bodie had ever seen, but, at the moment, he would have traded it and everything he owned to know exactly what had occurred at Battersea. 

 

He had called Murphy to find out what was going on, but the handsome 6.2 was unavailable so Bodie left a message.  Had Ray been involved in the case with the nutter?  Why couldn’t someone at CI5 just tell him if Ray was all right?  They had treated him like he was an outsider!!!  At this thought Bodie dropped his head and stared at the floor, only now recognizing the impact that not renewing his contract would make on his life.

 

Walking into the spacious kitchen, Bodie thought for the hundredth time since he had moved that it was ridiculous to have so much room in a kitchen when he was usually on the go, or ate out or did takeaway.  Grimacing to himself, he realized that the probably had very little in the frig, but hopefully there was something frozen.  Maybe Doris or was it Doreen, or Dora or whatever had left something in there the last time she had been here.

 

In the last three months, Bodie usually came home feeling too tired to do anything so he kept a long list of restaurant pamphlets available for perusal.  He seldom saw anyone and if he did his hours with SAVING LIVES quickly curtailed any relationship.  He had expected Jase to ask him to go to their favourite restaurant, but Jase seemed to have changed from the days when the two men had gone out frequently.  The thought came to Bodie’s mind that maybe all this previous attention had been a ploy on Jase’s part to get Bodie “in his stable” and now he didn’t have to do that.

 

Collapsing on his beautiful sofa while he waited for the restaurant to deliver, Bodie wiped his face.  The tension over the events at Battersea had knotted all the muscles in his back so that they were extremely tender to the touch.  He had remembered the time he had been stabbed in a tower while investigating a killing in Black Town.  He had been delirious for days, but he could remember very clearly one thing:  Doyle’s face and the tears that he was trying to hold back as he walked next to Bodie’s gurney.

 

Bodie couldn’t ever remember one other person who had cried over injuries done to him.  Even Doyle’s words, “Oh, Bodie, you half-Irish son-of-bitch, what did you go and do that for?” had made a lasting impression on the ex-merc who had always worried about number one and had fought tooth and nail to remain independent of anyone, and now here was that scrawny, moody, sentimental golli crying about him.

 

A ringing of the doorbell brought Bodie back to the present.  Expecting the delivery person, Bodie reached into his pocket for his wallet as he opened the door.  It was Murphy, however, instead of the delivery boy.  Bodie stood there stunned.  He had left his new address with Murph, but he had never expected to see him.  Immediately, fear gripped Bodie’s entire body - - why would Murph be here unless . . . unless something awful had happened?  Speechless, he motioned the tall agent into the apartment.

 

Finally, Bodie noticed that Murphy was carrying his takeaway order.  Murph smiled which relieved Bodie’s apprehension slightly.  Taking the food from Murphy, Bodie handed him the money that was owed.

 

Murphy’s eyebrows shot up as he said, “Well, that’s a change; usually I have to beg and plead for months to get paid back.  I saw the delivery guy and I figured that you might invite me to dinner, if I was a good boy?”

 

Bodie smiled, “And are you a good boy?”

 

“Of course, that’s what everyone in CI5 says, besides I’m here bringing news.”

 

For the next several minutes the two men quickly laid out all the goodies on the expensive, antique table, then they sat down to eat.  Murphy did justice to the many choices, but for once Bodie seemed hesitant to eat.  He knew that Doyle must be all right, otherwise Murphy would have said something right away, but why wasn’t Murphy telling him instead of feeding his face?

 

Finally, Murphy seemed to be full so he began to explain.  “If Cowley ever finds out that I told you, I’ll be in files for the rest of me natural life, but when I got your message, I figured you deserved to know what had happened.  The whole case is pretty much wrapped up so the bare facts will be appearing in print in a few days.”

 

Bodie felt a headache coming on and Murphy droned on.  In fact, Bodie was on the verge of letting out a scream and throttling the large agent when Murphy took pity and told the story.  As Murphy completed the tale, Bodie felt drained by the images of Doyle running across the open field after a sniper had shot the uniformed man dead.  They were withholding his name, but Murphy said it was Lawson and the man had felt such guilt over the loss of some of his men in NATO war games that he had decided to use the supposedly “forbidden” poison gas against the population of London.

 

Doyle’s trim, runner’s body had made it to the fallen canister and then thrown it to Murphy who was waiting on top of a tank to dispose of it.  It all went to perfection, and Doyle was the real hero of the day.  He had spotted a blind spot and had called it to Cowley’s attention.  Euphoria spread throughout the military assembled there to watch CI5 handle the situation, and everybody seemed ecstatic that the danger was past.  Only one man seemed to be less than thrilled:  Ray Doyle.  He stood watching the corpse of the fallen soldier for quite awhile and then walked off the field, ignoring all the congratulatory remarks, and pats.

 

“I went back to headquarters with Cowley, but Doyle had already been there, written his report and gone.  I thought I would try and find him, but Cowley said to leave him alone.  It had been a hard day and Doyle needed some time to himself.  That’s when I got your note so I thought I would come and see you.”

 

Murphy stopped talking, but he continued to examine Bodie’s reaction to the amazing story.  He had known Bodie and Doyle for a very long time, and he suspected what Bodie leaving CI5 had done to Doyle, but now he could see what it had done to Bodie.  As much as he was here to praise Doyle, he was here to let Bodie vent his feelings.

 

Murphy was less than pleased, however, when Bodie shook his head and smiled, “Should have known that the golli wouldn’t need me.  He’s the best, and I hope Cowley recognizes it, but how come he was crazy enough to throw such a valuable parcel to you?”

 

Murphy didn’t hesitate as he replied, “4.5 announced to me and everyone that I was so large that he couldn’t possibly miss me.”

 

Bodie laughed briefly then remarked, “Sounds just like my former partner.  Never pulls his punches.”

 

Murphy sat there for a moment, not knowing what to say, but he figured, it was always safe to ask for another beer.  Bodie quickly got him one and then sat down next to his old friend, “So, everything’s goin’ okay, is it?  You workin’ with Doyle now?”

 

“Yeah, sometimes, sometimes Jax, but it hasn’t been easy.  You know Doyle; he’s never easy on you and even harder on himself.”

 

Bodie was disturbed to hear that.  “You know I always said that he’d feel guilty about everything, even the invention of gun powder, but he’ll get over it.  After all with you and Jax to work with, he’ll have the best guarding his back.”

 

“Are you sure that you’re William Bodie?  I don’t think I’ve every heard a compliment comin’ from those lips, but thanks.”  Hesitating for a moment as if trying to decide how to phrase his next words, Murphy continued, “The only trouble is that we are kind of short on healthy agents right now so Doyle has been assigned to an agent from the group that has just finished their training.  Cowley figures that all of the veterans are going to need to train these agents pretty fast.  I’ve got a person named Neal Gresham, and Doyle has . . . Percival Coltrane.”  Murphy stopped and looked at Bodie preparing to see Bodie’s reaction, and it wasn’t long in coming.

 

“PERCIVAL COLTRANE, what kind of “hello Henry” is that?  How did Doyle take it?”

 

“He didn’t say much except that, if Coltrane called him Curly one more time he was going to thump him.”

 

Bodie laughed, sounded just like his part . . . ex-partner.  “Well what do you know about this Coltrane?  Is he Army?”

 

“No, he worked in security for awhile, but that’s about all I know.  He’s a good looking enough, and certainly seems willing.  I think it was love at first sight when he saw Doyle.”

 

Bodie frowned as if a thunderstorm was moving overhead, “What’d you mean by that?”

 

“Just that Coltrane, even though he risks his life by calling 4.5, Curly, really seems to worship Ray.  I suspect, if Doyle doesn’t kill Coltrane in the next few weeks, they might become very good friends.”

 

Bodie’s mouth began to form a pout as he thought back to his first few days with Doyle.  Doyle wasn’t the easiest man to work with, but gain his trust and he would do anything for you, even throw away his life.  That thought devastated Bodie.  He looked up at Murphy, “Doyle’s the best, Coltrane is lucky to have him as his partner.”

 

“Yeah, I guess he is, but something’s not right.  Ray just doesn’t seem the same.  You know he’s always stayed on the outside, but he’s even more that way now.  You don’t hear two words out of him in the restroom.  I sure hope Coltrane can do the job of protecting his back.”

 

At those words, Bodie’s head shot up, a questioning frown lurking on his face, “Why shouldn’t he be able to, after all he’s been trained by CI5?”

 

“Yeah, I know, but he seems a bit too eager to please, both Cowley and Doyle.  Sometimes being too _gung ho_ , doesn’t get you killed, but it doesn’t help your partner.”

 

Silence reigned in the apartment for several seconds then Murphy stood up as he began to clear away the remains of the clutter from the food.  Bodie stopped him by saying, “You don’t have to do that, Murph.  Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it.  I hope you don’t mind if I call you once in awhile . . . you know just to find out how everything is going.” 

 

The insecurity in Bodie’s voice was readily apparent to Murphy, as he nodded while

moving towards the door.  “That’s great, love to hear from you, and, of course, share all this new found wealth that is on display.”  Murphy stopped and stared at his friend; his perception of the man’s unhappiness hidden.  He knew he shouldn’t, but he had to ask, “Have you tried to talk to Ray in the past couple of months?”

 

Bodie stared at the taller man, admiring his audacity.  For just a moment, he felt his anger growing so quickly that he was preparing to retaliate when he realized that Murph had his best interests at heart so all he said was, “Good night, Murph.”

 

William Bodie stood staring at the trash from the food that he and Murphy had eaten.  All his life, he had been trained to keep a clean and neat domicile, whether it was in the jungle, in the barracks, or in a flat, but, at this moment, he could not face one more moment of regimen, of military routine, so he left the clutter there to pick up tomorrow.  Right now he had a lot of thinking to do about the ever widening abyss that was opening before him.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Autumn came and went.  Jase had kept Bodie busy with various trips abroad in which his language expertise was needed.  He had also become a valuable consultant on various types of security.  At first, Jase seemed to want to flaunt the fact that SAVING LIVES had former CI5 agents working there, but Bodie quickly scotched that idea much to Jase’s dismay.  He had teasingly said in front of some other employees, “What’s the good of having a CI5 agent in your stable if you can’t broadcast it?”

 

The other agents laughed at the small joke, but Bodie was not happy to hear Jase’s use of the government organization in that manner.  Bodie tried several times to speak to Jase about his lack of discretion when mentioning CI5, but each time Jase seemed to shove the idea aside, much like he shoved the discussion of Bodie’s partnership into the background.

 

Finally, after almost six months, Bodie came up for his first review.  This was a real stepping stone to further advancement.  As the two men sat across from each other in Jase’s office, the ambience was comfortable and professional.  It was obvious that Jase was pleased with Bodie’s capabilities because he scored him at the highest levels in all the major categories, but yet there seemed to be something missing, and Bodie wanted to know what it was.

 

“Jase, thanks so much for the great marks I got on my report.”

 

“Don’t thank just me.  There were quite a few others who signed off on this document.  You’ll make a fine security agent.”

 

“But,” Bodie questioned.

 

Jase leaned his head sideways much as he had done in Jordan when he was trying to convey something to Bodie that was very difficult to deal with.  “Bodie, you and I have been friends for more than 15 years, and even closer than that physically, which makes me wonder.”

 

“Wonder what, Jase?”

 

“Well, I hate to be crude, but what would it take to get you in my bed again?”

 

For a moment there was utter silence that was cold as an ice house.  Deep blue eyes stared into Jase’s brown eyes, locking their stares together until the brown eyes dropped. 

 

Bodie was trying to hold back his anger and hurt.  So this was what it was all about.  He should have known.  Jase Stephens never did anything without thinking out the percentages, the dangers, and the profits, and in this case the rewards:  Bodie’s arse available whenever he wanted and in return  for a partnership!

 

Clearing his throat, Bodie enunciated clearly, “I thought I had made it plain that that was over.  We were good with each other once.  You made life more bearable in Jordan and the other little hell holes we worked in, but I do not want to have sex with you, just to keep my job or get a promotion.”

 

Clearly Jase had misjudged his friend’s thinking, but it also irritated him that he had done so much for Bodie in recent months and the man seemed to be totally ungrateful.  Jase’s previously controlled temper which hovered just below furious made him bold and careless.  The last time that he had dealt with his friend, William Bodie had been a nineteen year old relatively-new recruit who was open to new experiences, new ideas, training, and most importantly how to get along and move up in the rough world of mercenaries. 

 

 _Maybe he thinks that since he was CI5, he doesn’t have to cut a deal with anyone.  I’ll bet he was more than just a partner with that sex-pot Doyle.  Now there’s a man who fills his jeans like a wet dream!_

Those were Jase’s thoughts when he made the biggest miscalculation of his life as he said, “Yeah, but I bet you didn’t hesitate to have sex with that curly haired, walking wet dream, did you?”

 

For a moment, Jase thought that Bodie wouldn’t be able to control his anger.  Bodie had thrown back the chair as he stood almost nose to nose with Jase even though the older man was still seated at his desk, faintly cowering in the depths of the thick cushions, but after several seconds, Jase noticed that Bodie seemed to recover himself even though his whole demeanour became even more menacing.

 

Then standing almost at attention, Bodie said in a very controlled voice, “You don’t have the right to question my behaviour except as it deals with my job.  It’s none of your business.  I’ve already told you that I took this job for one reason and one reason only, and if you want more from me than that, you can have my resignation . . . NOW.”

 

Jase hastily beat a retreat from his abrasive words, “Bodie, Bodie, I’m sorry.  You’re right I have no right to question your life outside of this office.  I made a mistake, please forgive me.  Put it down to 15 years of missing you and being stupid at the same time.  Of course, you are in line to be a partner, with no strings attached.”

 

Bodie backed up, stood briefly at ease, looking at the man he thought he had known, and then turned the large chair upright.  His demeanour still showed the fury that ran through his body, but he was totally under control.  Sitting back down, he asked, “Is there anything else you would like to discuss, because, if there isn’t, I have several appointments waiting.”

 

Jase seemed to give a sign of relief that the erupting volcano that had almost blown its top off had been derailed.  Jase had learned a valuable lesson: he was going to have to handle his old friend much more carefully in the near future.  “No, I don’t think so, but I would appreciate it if you would keep me updated on the McKinsey case.  He’s an old friend, and I like to keep a personal eye on all of his needs.”

 

Bodie gave a shallow smile, his eyes hardening slightly.  _I’ll just bet you do._  “That’s fine, I’m seeing him tomorrow to give him a further update about the conference.  I’ll update you after that.”

 

“Great!”  Jase stood at that point so Bodie took it as a sign of dismissal.  Quite frankly, he was relieved, because this behaviour by Jase had become a red flag in his relationship with this organization, and maybe, just maybe, he had made a major mistake.  Definitely, the thought of a partnership had become less attractive.

 

The next several days demonstrated that Jase had seemed to have learned his lesson, he was total business whenever Bodie came to him to discuss the McKinsey case or any other individual, but something had been lost, at least it seemed that way to Bodie, but he wasn’t sure if Jase saw it that way.

 

Jase’s crude question brought other incidents to mind for Bodie.  In Jordan, the two men had been fighting for their lives, and the small comfort their bodies could give to each other was important, but now while they were still engaged in a dangerous business, it wasn’t the same, and the fact that Jase seemed to think that they could take up where they had left off fifteen years before was faintly offensive.

 

Bodie’s sense of commitment had always been a problem, and entering into any type of commitment, even a business one, did not sit well with the ex-merc, but Bodie had given up CI5 and Ray Doyle to try and change his life.  Maybe, this experiment with commitment would work, he had told himself, but it appeared he had allowed himself to be fooled once again.  Only one relationship in his entire life had seemed to make him content, and he had thrown that away.  Perhaps, he deserved to spend the rest of his life . . . lonely.  One thing that Bodie had quickly learned . . . to his obvious dismay: Jase could not be trusted.

 

Nevertheless, Bodie continued to do his security job and do it very well.  His training in the military and in CI5 had worked to his benefit.  He was known as a man who did not suffer fools gladly, but could be counted to get results.  As usual, however, he remained a loner and thanks to Jase’s earlier boasts about bringing a CI5 man on board, Bodie was looked upon with suspicion and a minimum of trust.

 

Bodie had become used to the men making small snide remarks behind his back, but after having left CI5 almost nine months before, he had pretty much assumed that the office scuttlebutt about his background had died to a dull roar.  Therefore, as he was walking past a group of agents, he ignored them as usual until he heard the phrase, “Well, I guess those CI5 agents aren’t so great after all; think of it two CI5 men dead and another serious.  I guess even they can’t walk on water, if they would walk into an ambush like that.”

 

Bodie badly wanted to approach the men and demand any more information they had, but he didn’t get along with them so they would probably just clam up.  Fortunately, another of the agents in the tight little group took up the story.

 

“I’ve haven’t heard much about it.  When did this happen?”

 

“Two days ago and I’m not sure that you would hear much since there is a D-Notice issued for it.”

 

“Well then how did you hear about it?  Jase told me.  You know he’s real close with the bigwigs that govern our lives, and he found out from one of them.”

 

“And, what’d he do, call you into his office to give you the personal low down?”

 

“Nah, nothing like that, he made me wait in his outer office while he was on the phone.  These little pink ear holes can pick up a voice at 100 yards so I listened to his conversation.”

 

“You’ll get your severance papers if you get caught listening in.”

 

“Well, he shouldn’t talk so loud besides no body was in the outer office but me.”

 

“Well, what else did he say?”

 

“He seemed to be almost laughing about something, but I couldn’t tell what.  That’s why I didn’t really know what was going on until I heard him mention some terrorists and some poor kid they hanged.”

 

At that point, someone threw in the observation that all terrorists ought to be hanged as well, then the group seemed to be breaking off, but Bodie was long gone by that time because as soon as he heard that Jase had known about the ambush two days before, he rushed to his former partner’s office and burst in, completely ignoring the efforts of Stephens’ secretary to stop him.

 

Jase read the look on Bodie’s face and immediately dismissed the minion who was grovelling as his every word.  Since the conversation several months ago, Jase had played it very low key with Bodie.  The Bodie standing there in the dark blue, perfectly tailored suit was not the young ruffian he had known in Jordan.  This Bodie had a mind of his own, and since he had turned down Jase’s proposal of sex, Jase was no longer sure if he really wanted Bodie on his team, but the man had been doing an excellent job and was a real asset, at least in business, if not in bed.

 

Offering Bodie a drink which the tall, dark-haired quickly declined, Jase asked, “What’s the matter, Bodie?  Has one of the cases gone south?”

 

“No, I want to know what you know about the recent death of two CI5 agents and an injury to another due to terrorists.”

 

Now Jase leaned back in his chair, looking extremely bored, his face screwed up into a grimace and then a look of confusion as he replied, “Why should I know anything?”

 

“Because I heard that you’ve been spreading it around for the last couple of days, and you haven’t said a thing to me?”

 

“Why should I?  You’re no longer with CI5, your focus should be on your job and this company, not those elite policemen who don’t always work wonders.”

 

“I’m not interested in debatin’ CI5’s value with you.  Do you know the names of the agents that were killed or the one injured?”

 

 _Oh, so that’s it.  He’s been with us for nine months and it’s still CI5 that worries him, or is it that sweet hunk of meat, Ray Doyle?_

“Bodie, can I offer you a word of friendly advice.  You don’t work for CI5 anymore; it would be in your best interest to be more interested in SAVING LIVES and its personnel than what is in the past, don’t you think?”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?  I’ve been carrying my weight, and doing my job, but when I hear that some CI5 agents have been killed, I can’t forget that I might know them, and you should have been aware of that.  It wouldn’t have hurt you to mention it to me since you’d know that CI5 is still a concern of mine.”

 

Jase’s brown eyes narrowed into malevolent slits as he asked, “Is it CI5 or Ray Doyle that you’re interested in?”

 

Bodie stood up straight, rigid in his fury, “This isn’t the time to talk about that, just tell me if you heard the names of the three agents who were involved?”

 

“As a matter of fact, my informant didn’t know too many details, but just something about a man named Cookie or Cook or something like that and that your FORMER partner was somehow involved, but he didn’t know how.”

 

Jase stopped there looking up at the tall man.  Jase’s handsome features were distorted by the smugness that revealed his less than sincere sympathy for what had happened.  Bodie reacted immediately.  Without saying another word, he raced out of the door to find a phone.  He would call Murphy and find out what his curly-haired ex-partner had got himself into now.

 

Two hours later he had still not reached Murphy or Cowley.  The operator was new to CI5 and was not at all impressed with the fact that she was talking to the legendary 3.7.  She would neither confirm nor deny any rumours about an ambush that had injured CI5 operatives.  The best that Bodie could do was obtain her promise to tell Murphy to call the former CI5 agent.

 

The next several hours were the longest that Bodie had had to endure except for the time that he waited to find out if Doyle would live after hours of surgery to remove two slugs from Mayli’s gun.  He kept telling himself that there was no proof that Doyle was injured, but he did recognize the name, Cook.  Doyle had recruited him into CI5, and even if Doyle wasn’t hurt, he would be alone and having to deal with the death of his friend.

 

Since the hour was nearing the time that he went home, Bodie was debating whether to stay at the office or go home to await further word.  Fortunately, the phone rang at that point and Bodie had it in his hands in less than one second.  He heard the familiar sound of his friend, Murphy.  Bodie had known Murphy for most of the five years that he had been with CI5, he could hear the exhaustion and tension in his voice.

 

Into the stillness, Bodie heard, “Bodie, are you there?”

 

Realizing that he had been lost in thought, Bodie recovered enough to reply, “Yeah, I’m here.  What’s happened?  I heard there was an ambush; is Ra . . . everybody all right?”

 

Murphy released a sigh, his voice shaking with obvious grief, “No, not everybody’s all right.  We lost Cookie, and Reynolds and Allison are so badly wounded we don’t know if they’ll make it.”

 

Bodie sighed quietly, but Murphy could still hear it over the phone.  “How’s Doyle taking it?”

 

For a moment, Murphy hesitated then replied, “Not good.  You know he was close to Cookie, recruiting him like he did.  He gave himself the job of telling June, and to put in frankly, it did not go very well.  June really laid a number on Ray.  I couldn’t really get him to talk about it, but when he came back to headquarters after the visit, his eyes were red, and his skin was as pale and sickly looking as I’ve ever seen it.”

 

“Where is he now?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“YOU’RE HIS PARTNER, YOU SHOULD KNOW!”

 

“Calm down, Bodie, I’m not his partner remember I told you he’s sort-of-partnered with that new guy, Percival Coltrane.  I tried to talk to Ray, but he looked so out of it, I don’t know where he went to.”

 

“Well, where’s Coltrane; is he with Ray?  What do ya mean, he’s sort of Doyle’s partner?”

 

“Not likely, after Doyle almost took his head off in a recent training exercise.  It took both Towser and Macklin to pull that scrawny guy off of poor Coltrane.”

 

“Why did Ray do that?”

 

“Don’t really know, but somebody said that Coltrane was complaining afterwards that he and Doyle seemed to be working together so great that while they were practicing,  Coltrane mentioned that he had talked to Cowley about making Doyle his permanent partner.  All of a sudden Doyle went off his nutter and started wiping up the mat with the new man.”

 

Bodie closed his eyes, seeing the slender, athletic body of Ray Doyle taking after the new agent.  The kid was lucky he was alive.  Suddenly, he had a headache and didn’t want to talk to Murphy anymore, but he had to ask, “So Doyle is home?”

 

“I guess he is; he’s on suspension for taking out after Coltrane.  I tried to call him, and even went over to his flat, but he’s not answering his buzzer.  I’m not even sure if he would answer his R/T right now.”

 

“Okay, Murph thanks for callin’ and lettin’ me know.  If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.”

 

Bodie put down the phone and stared at the floor for several minutes then he looked up and unseeingly let his eyes wander around his office.  His thoughts were so loud in his head that they seemed to be shouting at him, _It is all your fault.  You ran out on Doyle just as you’ve run out at every commitment in your life, and look what it’s done to you and even more importantly to Doyle.  It’s your fault, now do something about it._

 

With those thoughts in his mind, Bodie stood up and wandered over to the huge windows that allowed him to look out at London, _You’ve done some pretty stupid things in your lifetime, Bodie mate, but this is the biggest.  Look at this place, you don’t belong here.  Ray Doyle is the most important person in your life and your world, what are you going to do to help him?_

Releasing the tie that was suddenly strangling him, Bodie looked around and then began to neatly organize the cases that he was responsible for.  Putting them in the pretentious brief case that he had purchased nine months ago, he headed towards Jase’s office.

 

After hearing the brief knock, Jase yelled, “Come,” expecting to see a very different person, Jase was surprised that it was Bodie and he was seething.  Jase knew that Bodie had come to do battle, but he wasn’t sure what for this time.

 

Bodie threw the case files on Jase’s desk, and glowered at his former friend with a facial expression that said he was an afternoon thunderstorm coming in to break over Jase’s head.  “Why did you let me think that Ray was involved in the ambush, that he might have been wounded?”

 

“I didn’t; I told you that I had heard he had been involved in some way, but I didn’t know how.”

 

Bodie frowned, since he just knew that Jase had meant to upset Bodie with the thought that Ray might have been killed, and even worse Bodie hadn’t been there, but he said nothing, just frowned some more.

 

Jase couldn’t figure out what the big deal was, but he thought he knew a way to divert Bodie’s obvious anger so he blurted out without really thinking, “I’m glad you’re here.  Sit down because I want to talk to you about how well you’ve done with us, and about making you a full partner.”

 

Bodie suddenly rose to his feet even though he had just sat down.  Shoving his face in Jase’s, he bellowed, “I don’t want to be your partner; I had the best partner in the world, and I let him down and ran away like I always do.  Here are my case files; I’m resigning as of this moment.  So you can take your so-called partnership and shove IT wherever is most uncomfortable.”

 

With those words Bodie turned and stormed out of the office, not even hearing Jase’s yells of derision at the audacity of his former employee.  Bodie had already decided he would go see Doyle, but first he had something else to do.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDD

Bodie stood looking at the building which contained Doyle’s flat.  The ex-merc was surprised that Doyle still lived here because it had always been Cowley’s policy to move agents around every six to nine months or so.  _I might be lucky and get that old darlin’, Mrs. Carruthers to let me in, if Doyle won’t._

Sure enough after banging on Doyle’s buzzer in his special code for several minutes, Mrs. Carruthers opened the door and took a step out.  She noticed Bodie right away as her face lit up in a smile.  In a squeaky voice she blurted forth, “Oh Mr. Bodie, it is so good to see you.  It’s been so long, and Mr. Doyle has been missing you ever so much.  He is such a dear, sweet boy, but I am worried about him.  He just doesn’t seem the same since you left.”

 

These simple words made Bodie feel a lot better.  _Maybe that frickin’ sod does feel somethin’ for me and this will be easier than I thought._ It was hard to imagine Doyle as a dear, sweet boy, but Bodie had to admit to himself that he had missed the moody ex-copper, and it wasn’t until the last few weeks that he had realized the depth of his loneliness.

 

Bodie turned on all his charm and smiled at Mrs. Carruthers, “It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Carruthers.  You stay away from that man in number 4; he’s a real heartbreaker, and you must know that I want you all to meself?”

 

Mrs. Carruthers wizened face broke out in a smile as she gently squeezed Bodie’s forearm, “Oh Mr. Bodie, how you do go on.  You go see your friend, ‘cause I have to do some shoppin’, but when I return, I hope you and Mr. Doyle will join me in a cup of tea.”

 

The wistful look on the older woman’s face seemed so unhappy that Bodie readily agreed that both men would be there.  Now all he had to do was convince Doyle to accompany him.

 

Bodie stood knocking at Doyle’s door for several minutes with no answer.  He knew that Ray was in there because his car was outside.  _He must be tryin’ to avoid me, but it ain’t goin’ to work ‘cause I’m goin’ to stay here until he answers the door._

 

After several more minutes of pounding the door finally opened.  Doyle looked a pale image of the man that Bodie remembered so well.  Frankly, the usually feisty golli looked pale and washed out.  He looked as if he didn’t care, and couldn’t even be bothered to be upset with Bodie.

 

Suddenly, Bodie was hesitant, this was not the Doyle that he knew or understood.  In the past, even when Doyle was angry, or moody, or upset by something, there was some life in those superb green eyes, now there was nothing.  _What had June Cook said to him?_

Finally, Bodie found his voice and asked, “Can I come in?”

 

Doyle stared for a moment then waved his visitor in without really seeming to care one way or another.  Usually the scrawny, auburn haired agent would offer his friend a lager or something, but this time, Doyle just went over to a large overstuffed chair and flopped into it, spreading his long legs out, his whole body speaking of utter despair.

 

Bodie made himself at home after going to the frig to get two lagers.  Sitting one down next to Doyle’s chair, Bodie sat down on the settee, opened the can, and took a large drink since his throat now seemed very parched; besides, it gave him a few extra seconds to think what he was going to say.

 

He knew that he had to make Doyle give a damn or this visit would fail, but what could he say?  It seemed strange to be so uncomfortable with Doyle, but he had to try.

“I’m sorry about the ambush.”

 

Green eyes burned into his body, but Doyle said nothing, so Bodie tried again.  “How long are you suspended for?”

 

Doyle’s eyes flickered slightly, but still no words were spoken.  Bodie sighed; he was getting angry now.  Of course, Doyle felt bad, but this was the man who felt guilty over everything so something had to be done, so Bodie tried again, “Why didn’t you try to stop me from leavin’ the mob?”

 

Now there was a flame burnin’ in the green orbs that seemed to penetrate like a laser to his very soul.  _Maybe that got him goin’?_ __

Suddenly, Doyle shouted, “Oh, so now it’s my fault, is it?  Just like you to blame me.  Well, I’ll tell you right now, MATE; I didn’t try and stop you ‘cause I didn’t care.”  Doyle jumped up from the chair and began to pace around the room.  Coming back to the chair, he picked up the can of lager, opened it, and swallowed it in one swallow.  This seemed to revive his anger because he twirled around with such rapid movement that felt Bodie dizzy; then, Doyle started in again.

 

“You make me sick.  Five years of partnership meant nothing to you.  It was Jase this and Jase that.  Well, you got what you wanted:  a fancy new car, a partnership, and that bastard in your bed, so don’t come whingin’ to me.  Don’t feel sorry for me; just go back and be the cuckold of that baby-killin’ ex-merc, if that’s what you want.”

 

Doyle stood there:  his face was red; he was breathing as if he couldn’t get enough air, and his beautiful hands were on his slender hips in a stance that seemed to defy Bodie to take a punch.

 

Suddenly, Bodie smiled as he whispered, “I’ve quit Jase’s business.”

 

For a moment, Doyle stood there with an expression on his face that seemed to say, “And is that supposed to impress me?”  Finally, Doyle shrugged and said, “What, you couldn’t please him enough or what?”

 

“Ray, I haven’t had sex with Jase in 15 years; I didn’t leave CI5 because I wanted to go to bed with him.  I told you that, but you’re so stubborn and blind, you wouldn’t believe me.”

 

“Sure, sure, blame me.  Well, what are you here for, if it isn’t to lord it over me about your new life?”

 

“I’m sorry about Cook.  I know you were close to him.  I heard that you had to tell June Cook; that must have been rough.”

 

“Get out of here.  What do you know about it?  Do you know she even wanted me to kill the dog that Cookie loved?”

 

Doyle dropped his head then flopped back into the large chair, saying nothing.  Bodie could see how much the older man was hurting, and Bodie certainly hadn’t helped.

 

Bodie moved over to a chair that was closer to his former partner.  He hated it when Doyle was hurting.  Normally, when either of them was feeling the trauma of a case gone bad or personal problems, they had turned to each other for comfort which often ended in sex, but not this time.  Sex was not the answer, but maybe comfort was.

 

“Ray, I realize that I failed you when I left, but I’m here now, talk to me.  Tell me what June said.”

 

“You’re not my boss; you don’t order me around, besides, why are you still around?  If you’ve left Jase then why aren’t you looking for a new job in Bora Bora or some other exotic place ‘cause that’s what you always do isn’t it . . . run away?”

 

Bodie sat there staring at his former partner.  Then, he stood up, towering over Doyle, “You’re right, I’ve always run away from commitment.  I thought I loved Dulchone, but Krivas killed her.  I romanced Marikka twice and knew both times that nothing would come of it, and then . . . Jimmy Keller got me in the sack and you know how that ended?  I guess I’m a real loser in choosing someone to be committed to.  I’ve always been afraid of that dark abyss because I’m tired of being hurt.

Since running away is what you expect of me, I might as well fulfil your expectations of a raving lunatic ex-merc.”

 

Bodie turned and headed towards the door, but was stopped when he heard Doyle’s sharp voice demand, “You mentioned Duchone, Marikka, and Keller; how come they count as commitments and I don’t?  Is it because all we had was sex?  If I remember correctly, that’s all you wanted, so that’s what I gave you.  Maybe you better keep on runnin’ ‘cause I’m tired of waitin’ and hopin’.”

 

Bodie turned and stared then nodded his head at the slender man who had become important enough to him that he had hung around for five years.  “I’m sorry I failed you, Doyle, seems that’s all I ever do.  Tell Murph to take care of you or I’ll come and thump him.”

 

Doyle looked at Bodie’s back and then said with a sarcastic voice, “Your brain gone bad?  Murph told me that he told you that I’m paired with Coltrane.  He’s a good partner, RELIABLE, and LOYAL.”

 

Bodie turned once again and said with a large amount of smugness in his voice, “Oh, is that why you thumped him when he told you that he had suggested a permanent partnership to Cowley?”

 

Doyle’s handsome turned several shades of red.  As he pulled his long slender hands out of his pockets, he mumbled, “That Murphy really does have a big mouth . . .

Well, we . . . uh, sort of patched that up.  I told him that I needed to think about a permanent partnership for awhile ‘cause the last partner I had deserted me like rats from a ship.”

 

Bodie was silent for a moment then took a breath and asked, “So, you and Coltrane aren’t cuffed together yet?”

 

“No, but I’m thinkin’ about it.”

 

Bodie’s pouty lips smiled, but his dark blue eyes only showed despair.  “So, you wouldn’t be open to somebody else as a partner?  It has to be . . . Coltrane?”

 

Doyle looked suspiciously into the Mediterranean blue eyes and asked with hesitancy, “Like who?  I like working with Murph and Jax, but Cowley wants to keep them solo, so who you trying to dump me off onto?”

 

“Dump is right.  I remember when I first took you on.  Had to teach you everything you knew.  You were just damn lucky that I put up with a scrawny, know-it-all ex-copper like you.”

 

For a moment Bodie thought that Doyle was going to attack him, but that energetic, power driven machine that was his golli backed down a gear as he folded his arms around his chest and asked, “And just who did you have in mind for me to work with?”

 

“The only perfect agent and man in the department, ‘cause you deserve to work with the best, sunshine, and I’m the best, and you know it.”

 

“Thought you quit CI5?”

 

“Talked to Cowley this afternoon, and he said I could come back to the A Squad anytime I wanted since he needs men like me.  The place has really gone down hill in the months since I left.”

 

“What makes you think that I would want to be your partner anymore?”

 

“’Cause we were the best, and we can still be the best.”

 

Doyle nodded his curls, while replying, “Maybe,” but what about the physical side of the partnership?”

 

“Whatever you want, Ray, you decide.”

 

“No thanks, Bodie.  I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

Bodie stood there stunned. _Ray doesn’t want to be my partner?_

Bodie stood there, feeling his legs begin to buckle.  It had never occurred to him that Doyle would turn him down.  Of course, the crazy golli would rant and rave, but in the end he would come round, and now Doyle was telling him ‘no’!!!!

 

Pulling himself together, Bodie managed to make it to the door without saying a word because he didn’t really trust himself.  He couldn’t blame Doyle for rejecting him, so many others had done the same, but he’d always thought Doyle would come around.  He was just about ready to open the door when a thought came to mind about something Doyle had said, turning he stared at the pugnacious man, standing as if he was braced for another disappointment, “What’d you mean . . . that you were tired of waitin’ and hopin’?”

 

Doyle stared at him; his mouth slightly open as if he were dumbstruck at his stupidity in letting that slip.  Doyle dropped his head, staring at the floor so only his auburn curls could be seen.  Obviously he was playing for time.

 

For the first time Bodie took heart that maybe not all was lost, if he could just get the reticent, moody, stubborn golli to own up to his true feelings.  In a voice barely above a whisper, Bodie put a lot of affection into his next words, “Come on, Angelfish, can’t you tell me?”

 

Doyle shook his head, his curls swinging violently, then he looked up at his former partner, his green eyes like small laser probes penetrating Bodie’s barrier, “Why should I?  Why do I have to be the one to confess?  You left me, remember?”

 

“I know I did sunshine.  I know I did, but I’ve always run when I’ve been afraid.”

 

“Afraid of what?”

 

Bodie waggled his head slightly, “Commitment, I guess.  I’ve trusted too few people in my day because the ones I have trusted have let me down.  Contrary to your opinion of mercs and me especially I can be hurt and I’ve had enough so I run first to avoid it.”

 

“Have you ever thought that maybe that’s why you’ve been hurt?  If you can’t trust someone, how do you suppose they can trust you, if they’re always expectin’ you to run first?  I thought our five years meant something, and then you throw me over for that . . . that handsome hunk who you bedded 15 years before.  Can’t you see how I felt?  I know you think I’m ugly and certainly not worth your time in bed, but I thought you trusted me?”

 

Bodie’s face only showed astonishment at Doyle’s assessment of Bodie’s feelings for his ex-partner.  Fury then replaced his astonishment as he blurted out, “You are a moron, Doyle.  Don’t you know that you are gorgeous . . . especially when you are in bed with me?  I love to see that skinny body on display and when you are taking me, I feel like a king.  No one . . . no one has ever made me feel that way.  You are not ugly; I know I tease you about that but it’s only to protect meself from wantin’ to take you into my arms and hug you.  Haven’t you noticed how I’ve always got me hands on you?  Remember the time when I goosed you practically right in front of Jack.  You went along with it; never said a thing.”

 

Doyle smiled briefly wistfully remembering that moment, but then his face hardened as he remembered, “Well, then what is this with setting parameters about us in bed . . . only sex you said, nothing else.  How many times have you said that to me?  No sentimentality . . . you called it twaddle, don’t tell me that was just more cover, pull the other leg, Bodie.”

 

Bodie shook his head; his eyes showed his despair.  “You’re right, sunshine, I’ve been a twit.  After five years of being with you, smelling your skin, drinking your essence, and needing to be with you, I got shook.  I got scared of needing you so much that I began to tell myself that I was too near to committing me life to you.  Then, Jase came along and I used him as my excuse.  I turned to him, hoping I could forget the image that I had of you writhing in my arms, all wild and crazy.”

 

“I don’t understand. If I meant so much to you and why’d you walk out on me when your contract expired?  You left me to take another job.  Why are you here now after all these months?”

 

“I can’t . . . I never could stand to see you hurt.  When Murph told me about Cook and you havin’ to tell June Cook, I knew you’d be hurtin’ and I didn’t know if you had anybody here to comfort you, especially bein’ suspended and all.”

 

Ice crystals appeared in Doyle’s eyes, “And are you here now to comfort me?”

 

Bodie almost said yes then he realized what Doyle was really asking.  Anger rose in his throat, but he forced it back down as he admitted to himself that he couldn’t blame Doyle, after all he had been the one to set the rules of their intimacy.  Shaking his head, Bodie replied, “I’m here to give you comfort, not sex.  I’m here as a friend, if you’ll have me.  Nothing more.  You mean everything to me, sunshine, but I will take what you can give me.”

 

Doyle stood rigid, finding it hard to believe that the man, who had walked out on so many, including himself, was now ready to give more to a relationship.  In a whisper so quiet, Bodie could barely hear, Doyle asked, “And suppose the only thing I’m willing to give is sex?”

 

Bodie felt his heart break.  He now knew it was over.  He couldn’t treat Doyle as he had so many others.  He stood for a moment, looking at the man that he had lost due to his own fears, and whispered, “I’ll be your friend, your partner, your lover, but I won’t be just your sex mate, not anymore.” Bodie turned towards the door before he broke down entirely.

 

From behind him, Bodie heard the words that he could hardly believe, “I love you, William Bodie.  Will you take that?”

 

Bodie was afraid to turn, for fear that Doyle was making a jest or cruelly taunting him, but he could hear the light steps of the skinny man coming towards him.  Suddenly he was in strong hands that were turning him around.  Doyle embraced him in a hug that almost robbed him of his breath.  Then Doyle kissed him so hard that he felt as if he had lost his tonsils into the vacuum that was Doyle’s mouth.  They had seldom kissed when they were just having sex and this was a new but exciting experience for Bodie.  Doyle’s mouth was wonderful, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

 

“What are you doin’, sunshine?”

 

“Can’t you tell?  And you call me a moron!”

 

“I mean, if all you want is sex, and you don’t want me as your partner, then why are you actin’ like this now?  Are you gettin’ back at me for the way I treated you?”

 

For a moment, Doyle’s temper rose, but then he looked into the insecure and wary eyes that studied him carefully.  Doyle realized that Bodie had had very few people in his life who had trusted and loved him absolutely and that it would take awhile for Bodie to accept that there was nothing that Doyle wouldn’t do for his friend, including jump into the abyss of commitment if Bodie was willing to do the same.

 

Doyle smile lit up his face as he studied the man who had become so much a part of his life.  When that person had so rudely withdrawn from his presence, Doyle had been angry, but he had already realized his true feelings for the dumb crud.  Now if Bodie could just do the same.  After all, Doyle had laid it on the line when he had confessed his love for Bodie, what if Bodie was interested in commitment for a few years until he tired of it?  What if he only lusted after Doyle and nothing else?

 

Bodie read the frown on Doyle’s face perfectly, smiling silently to himself.  His golli would worry himself into a stew if he didn’t do something fast, but before he said anything, the blackness at the edge of the abyss seemed to open up, as he told himself, if you do this, there is no going back because this is Ray.  _If I betray him after he’s given me his love, then he’ll be shattered and never forgive me._  Bodie knew his golli well.  He could hold grudges into eternity, and that’s what would be Bodie’s fate. 

 

In those seconds as thousands of thoughts ran through the ex-merc’s mind, Bodie realized that it would be better to betray Doyle now than let this go any further.  Doyle might get over it that way, at some future time. 

 

Bodie continued to stand there staring into the ever deepening abyss, then he realized that Doyle was there waiting for him so the depths of commitment that Doyle expected from him weren’t so frightening.  His greatest fear was losing Doyle; not committing to the moodiest, sharp-tongued individual on the face of the planet.  Not commiting was stupid because it meant losing Doyle.  Smiling his most endearing smile, Bodie looked deeply into the green orbs at the fear that lurked there.  Kissing his love on his perfect nose, Bodie whispered, “Let’s discuss this more in the privacy of your bedroom.”

 

For a moment Doyle seemed to question Bodie’s motives, but then he looked into the depths of the midnight blue eyes and saw the love and affection that dwelled there.  Nodding, Doyle grabbed Bodie’s hand and led him into the bedroom.  By the time they arrived at the king-size bed both men were undressed.  Without hesitating, Bodie grabbed his lover and dragged him onto the bed. 

 

Bodie began to kiss every inch of the beloved body.  He buried his nose in the furry chest and inched his way down to the auburn curls at the groin.  Doyle’s manhood was standing erect, filled with need.  Quickly Bodie licked the gorgeous cock and then swallowed it into his mouth.  Both men were too far gone to last long.  Within seconds, long spurts of crème erupted into his mouth as  Bodie drank it greedily, swallowing every morsel.  Finally, the two men fell back exhausted into each other’s arms.  Pulling the duvet over their spent bodies, Doyle whispered, “But, what about you, love?”

 

Barely awake, Bodie lightly caressed the nearest Doyle ear as he whispered, “Been too many months without you, couldn’t wait.”

 

Sleepily Doyle looked at his worn-out mate, “You mean you came without me doin’ anything?”

 

“What do ya mean, ‘without doin’ anything, just the smell and look of you was enough to send me overboard.  Don’t you know you’re a walkin’ wet dream?  Now go to sleep.  I have to have my beauty sleep ‘cause I got to report to Macklin for a refresher course in exactly two days.”

 

“You mean you’re going to leave me, just when we got back together after all this time?”

 

“Not exactly.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Uh, well, the Cow thought that you might . . . well, should go along with your partner and have the refresher course too.”

 

“Whaaaatttt?  Why should I do that?  I’ve been on the job all these months; I don’t need a refresher course.”

 

“Well, he said something about partners doing that for their partner.  Thought that was kind of poetic.”

 

“Poetic, I’ll give you poetic, W. A. P. Bodie.  You owe me big time for this.”

 

“I know sweetheart, and I will definitely make it up to you.  After all, I’m going to be your family now, aren’t I?”

 

Suddenly, Doyle ducked his head down into Bodie’s collarbone area as if trying to seek the comfort of the large man.  This simple gesture shook Bodie.  Why was Ray so upset?

 

“What’s the matter, angelfish?”

 

His voice muffled because his mouth was still buried in Bodie’s chest, Doyle whispered, “That’s what June said to me; that I didn’t have a family.  It didn’t matter what happened to me, but I shouldn’t have recruited Cookie into CI5 because he did have a family.”

 

Bodie closed his eyes, realizing why Doyle had been in so much pain; what a lousy thing to say to his partner, but he knew June was hurting, and she wanted to strike back.  Mumbling some nonsense words of comfort, Bodie soothed his upset lover and then reminded him, “Well, I’m your family now; so you hear me good, you got someone to worry about and someone who worries about you, so it does matter what we do since it will be for the rest of our lives.”

 

The two men settled down into each other’s arms and as they slid into sleep, Doyle heard Bodie’s whispered, “Love you, Ray,” as he fell asleep.

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:  Confronting the Abyss

Author:  lbc

Word Count:  32,472

Pairing:  B/D, but D suspects otherwise

 

Note:  Please note that the timeline I have used for the episodes does not follow the series, but they seemed to fit my storyline better.

 

 

 _“Sorry, mate, can’t stay.  Got a hot date tonight.”_ With those words Bodie waggled his eyebrows in a lascivious manner and walked out the door.

 

Ray Doyle continued to stare into the rapidly darkening evening.  He stood at the only window in his flat that fronted the street.  Cowley’s demand for security always made windows the number one taboo on the security list, but Doyle somehow had lucked out and got a flat with one small window.

 

He had stared out that window for what seemed like hours, but it probably had been less than a half hour.  For a few minutes, his hopes burgeoned as Bodie seemed to sit in his Capri staring at something or nothing, but then his partner engaged the gear and was off to whatever “hot date” was awaiting him.

 

Doyle sighed.  That same scene had been played out so many times in the last few months.  Maybe not the same words or the same scenario, but time after time when Doyle had asked his friend to stick around for a meal or a drink or just to watch a match and the response always was the same, “Sorry, mate, gotta go.”

 

In a lot of ways Bodie’s recent attitude reminded him of their early days together. It had definitely not been the best way to begin.  When Cowley had first partnered the two men, antagonism had been so high on the Richter scale with a magnitude better than 8.9 that molten magma seemed to spew forth from the hot tempered Ray Doyle, bludgeoning its way into the cold personality of WAP Bodie.  But, as in the instance of all magma/lava, its cooling formed new land and much like that land, Ray Doyle and William Bodie formed a solid friendship that had a rock solid foundation. 

 

Their partnership marvelled everyone at CI5 because, while they were called the Bisto Kids, Cowley was much more accurate in his appellation of Chalk and Cheese.  They were different from each other: in backgrounds, personalities, and their views of the part morality played in their activities, but they had made it work, and then one day Ray Doyle was shot in the leg while trying to bring the killers of Ann Seaford to justice.

 

Bodie had followed his zealous partner on his journey to vindicate Ann Seaford’s desire to save her daughter from a life of hell.  Doyle had been faintly disturbed by Bodie’s attitude about “nice girls”, but it had been Bodie who had left his date behind in Doyle’s flat and had followed the green-eyed golli on his mission to find Ann Seaford.  Bodie had also been the one who had accompanied the skinny CI5 agent to Seaford’s grave site when Doyle placed flowers on the dead woman’s grave.

 

Doyle had been angry; his seething fury had kept him going, but, at the end, Doyle had collapsed as he re-entered his flat after the graveside visit.  Bodie had been there, waiting quietly, until his partner had settled down.  It had been Bodie who had poured a couple of stiff drinks, handing one to his distraught friend.  It had been Bodie whose ultra clean white handkerchief had magically appeared to wipe away the moisture from Doyle’s red eyes.  It had been Bodie who had pulled Doyle into his warm embrace and lightly kissed the curly mop below his chin. 

 

Very early in his arrival at CI5, William Bodie had made it very clear to everyone that he needed no one.  He was quite capable of working solo and had done so quite well many times before, but it was readily apparent to George Cowley, who had recruited the young man from the Paras that Bodie had no anchor, and if his past work record was any proof, he would not stay but a measured amount of time, therefore, something had to be done, and Ray Doyle was the solution.

 

Now over four years into their partnership, the two men were inseparable.  The rumours about their closeness had started after one too many injuries had kept one or the other partner in the hospital for a certain amount of time.

 

Although the two men’s prowess with the female population was legendary, many CI5 agents also noted the frequency with which each man seemed to dump the latest conquest - - they were always doing the dumping or the two men were being dumped for having to cancel a date or forgetting a date or whatever, but they never dumped each other.

 

Sex became part of their relationship soon after the Ann Seaford incident.  It had begun with the kiss, but had soon exploded into hot, searing need to vent the frustrations and difficulties of the job.  Both men crushed their bodies to each other as if they were practicing osmosis of bodily fluids, but the need for this type of activity seemed limited to times when a case was extra rough or one of the two men needed the comfort that only his partner could give.

 

Standing staring at the now totally dark nightscape, Doyle’s mind raced through some of the early conflicts that he and his partner endured.  Doyle’s stomach still tightened with the thought of Bodie dropping through the open window from the flat above and yelling at Doyle about the correct procedure for taking on two terrorists.  Doyle’s anger was barely controlled as he poured forth his true emotions with the simple words, “And what if I had missed?”

 

Perhaps Bodie’s response was even more an illumination of the younger agent’s feelings with his reply, “Since when do you miss?”

 

Their partnership had started out rough and continued to stay that way when Bodie’s former merc acquaintances showed up in London.  Bodie had talked about a former lover who had been killed by Krivas, and Doyle had been unable to keep back his feelings about the merc way of life with his statement, “You’re no better than he is.”

 

In the early days, the antagonism between the ex-copper and ex-merc were often pitfalls that had to be navigated.  Standing at the window, Doyle’s sad eyes reflected upon his own mirror image in the window, but the scene he saw was an old warehouse where IRA supporters had been gunned down by someone unknown and Doyle questioned his partner’s time in Ireland with the thorny question, “Ah, but whose peace?”

 

Now the partnership seemed to be coming to an end.  Today was the anniversary of that first kiss, that first need to comfort and Bodie had chosen to go on a “hot date”. 

 

Doyle had known from the first that Bodie was not sentimental but incidents like defusing an atomic bomb had made the two men closer.  Sometimes they even seemed to walk in the same skin.  After Cowley had given them the backhanded compliment of being damned good following the defusing of an atomic bomb, shock had set in and Doyle had begun to shiver.  No amount of blankets or liquor could warm the slender man so Bodie had got into Doyle’s bed and comforted the man with warm words and an even warmer body.

 

That is what the relationship became: words of understanding and bodies of comfort.  And then along came a knife in Bodie’s back which brought to the forefront Doyle’s demand for justice along with some tears.  After the Empire Society was disposed of, it was difficult for Ray Doyle to know which hurt more, the beating that he had been given or Bodie walking away with the beautiful black nurse.

 

Ray Doyle never expected Bodie to say thanks for his partner’s efforts on his behalf, but standing there with Jax, Doyle felt the pain radiate throughout his body.

 

Shaking his auburn curls, Doyle left the window.  His body was exhausted; he didn’t even care that the expensive meal that he had stored in the frig, waiting to be prepared  in celebration of their anniversary, would go to waste.  What was there to celebrate? 

 

From the very beginning Bodie made it very clear that their need for each other was just that.  Bad days, bad cases, bad events brought the two men together for a few moments in time, but neither man was committed to anything.  Doyle had agreed, but he was the sentimental one of the two, and he wasn’t quite sure that the two partners could maintain a purely sexual relationship without damaging their friendship.

 

Even after Doyle’s obvious sentimentality in declaring that “Bodie would save him” during the Kathy Mason affair had largely been ignored by his partner, Doyle kept telling himself that Bodie really did care.  Doyle would have been very surprised to hear Bodie’s words threatening Mason’s life when Doyle’s life was in danger from her husband, but Bodie had never told him.  The only time that Bodie seemed to use sentimentality was in defence of CI5 itself when he had come charging into Doyle’s flat, demanding Doyle’s help while Geraldine Mather was battering at the ramparts.

 

Doyle had always known that Bodie had a tremendous loyalty to George Cowley and, therefore, to CI5, but he had hoped that he had gained some of that loyalty as well.  Was Bodie, the man who never settled in one place, getting tired of CI5 and of his partner?

 

Doyle lay on his bed, his green eyes staring at the dark ceiling.  No man had been more loyal than Bodie in the dark days after Doyle had been shot.  The pain, the fears, the questions were all mirrored in the handsome agent’s face every time he came to the hospital to see Doyle in those long weeks of recovery.  Bodie was always there. 

 

After Doyle had been released, it was Bodie who had virtually moved in and made sure that Doyle kept doing his exercises, strengthening his muscles, and the myriad other activities which would see his return to CI5.  Had all that devotion pushed Bodie too near the edge of the abyss of commitment and now Bodie wanted to back off?

 

Throughout their almost five years of partnership, the two men had never given up birds.  The very thought was ridiculous.  Bodie liked women; he loved women; their very being pleased him, but he had always hesitated to commit to any of them so why should he commit to a relationship with his very male partner?  Besides Doyle wasn’t sure that he wanted to make a commitment either; their erratic bouts of lust and sex fit his needs as well so why complain, but something was different about their relationship and had been different for several months.

 

Ray Doyle had always thought he had that leverage over any of Bodie’s women.  Bodie could walk away from any of them, but not his partner, but maybe now that was exactly what he was doing.  As sleep finally overtook the exhausted man, Ray Doyle resolved to confront Bodie the next day and find out just where their relationship stood, and how solid their partnership was.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

On the other side of the city, William Bodie entered the pub that Jase had designated as their meeting place.  Bodie was unfamiliar with this particular pub, but it seemed the typical renovated ex-merc hang-out.  It probably had been, at one time, extremely sleazy with the atmosphere of anonymity that mercs looking for jobs or contacts needed.  Now it was slightly more upscale and the denizens certainly did not resemble the cinema-image of the blood-thirsty merc with the bandana and gun belt draped across a manly chest, using live bullets to pick his teeth.

 

When Jase mentioned the name of the pub, HE WHO FIGHTS, Bodie almost doubled over with laughter but his friend from a very long time ago had promised that this was the only relic left over from the “old” days.  He was right.

 

It had been good to see Jase after almost 15 years.  They had been close, very close.  Those awful days in Jordan and other places had been some of the worst that Bodie had ever known, but Jase had made it more bearable.  Their moments together had been some of the best that Bodie could remember in his young life.  When his old friend and former partner had called several weeks before, Bodie could not ignore his request to meet up “for old times’ sake”.  It had meant deceiving Doyle because Bodie knew how much Doyle hated that aspect of his former life, but seeing Jase again had been well worth the deception.

 

Now, while waiting for Jase to show up, Bodie reflected upon the amount of free time he had committed recently to being with Jase.  Doyle had seemed to be acting so strange that Bodie had hesitated to leave after giving 4.5 his standard excuse, “Gotta a hot date.”

 

The last four+ years with Doyle had been the best of his life.  It had been rough at the beginning and the partners had made a lot of mistakes, and Bodie would never deny that he had made his share of the blunders.  Bodie’s anger with Doyle and Cowley over the Marikka Schumann episode had been a case in point.  He had finally begun to trust Doyle and yet, it seemed, as if the scrawny auburn haired man had betrayed him.  As he stared at Doyle and Marikka talking in the flat, his stomach had churned with a sense of betrayal. 

 

Bodie’s deep blue eyes darkened even more as he remembered some of the other confrontations with his partner.  He had lied to Doyle when the golli had demanded to know how Bodie would feel about losing a partner as Doyle had done when he was a copper.  Bodie had replied that he didn’t know, but in truth he did know.  He had lost so many men in Africa, the Middle East, and Ireland that his feelings almost seemed to be manifested in a rote fashion.  He couldn’t afford to “feel” for those men because it would have driven him insane; it would have tarnished the magnificent war machine that he was. 

 

And now, he had got mixed up with the most opinionated, moody, hot-tempered, compassionate, loyal man in the world.  The very idea of commitment beyond just a partnership had become entwined in his lust for the slender, green-eyed imp who intruded into his every thought.  As Bodie saw Jase enter the pub, an almost unthinkable thought entered the ex-merc’s head:  maybe it was time to take Jase’s offer and leave CI5 to join one of the premier security businesses in the world.

 

Jase was smiling as he headed toward Bodie after picking up two lagers to cool their parched throats.  Jase knew Bodie well enough to know that Bodie always had a parched throat.  The two men had gone through hell in their old merc days, but somehow they had survived it, and now Jase was preaching the idea that it was their turn to enjoy the good life - - leave the fighting to others.

 

Several weeks ago when Jase had first looked Bodie up, 3.7 had quickly dismissed the idea of his becoming one of the elite operatives in Jase’s organization, SAVING LIVES.  Even the name of the business had seemed overblown, but that was the way that Jase had always been.  When the 19 year old Bodie had met Jase, he had been both repelled and attracted to the tall, slender man.  Jase had sandy hair and the deepest brown eyes that Bodie had ever seen.

 

Jase was the veteran when Bodie arrived, and he had taken the newcomer under his tutelage, but within a few months, Jase had moved on and Bodie had had to fend on his own.  It had been Jordan that had brought the two men back together again.  Jase didn’t ask Bodie to be his partner, they just were partners.  When they had met again in Jordan, Bodie told himself that he was as good as Jase now and wouldn’t be the burden he had been two years before.  Bodie was a different which Jase immediately recognized so he decided to begin rubbing away at the supreme cynicism the younger man carried around like a badge.

 

They had sex, they argued, they laughed, they talked, but they never really became lovers.  They did what they had to do to survive, and now Jase was here, standing in front of him, asking Bodie to join one of the most prestigious private security organizations in the world.  Of course, if Bodie had really thought about it, he would have realized that he already was a member of THE most elite security organization in the world, but as in all things, familiarity bred a feeling of taking CI5 for granted.

 

Bodie grabbed the lager being held out to him and took a large swallow.  It tasted so good.  He closed his eyes for a moment remembering how he would have killed to have had a lager in Jordan.  They always seemed to be running out, and as Bodie had shown many times, he could put down a prodigious amount of beer.

 

“’Bout time, mate.  I could have won three fire fights in this amount of time in the old days.”

 

Looking up at the sandy-haired man, the twinkle in his midnight blue eyes, told Jase that Bodie was not really angry, but he went along with Bodie’s banter.

 

“I’m not gettin’ any younger, and it takes me longer to do things than when we were just young ruffians runnin’ around foreign lands.”

 

Bodie snorted into his lager and then swallowed the liquid, handing the glass back with the obvious gesture that he wanted another.  Jase stood staring for a moment then handed him his own lager, turning quickly to head back to the bar. 

 

Bodie closed his dark eyes thankful for a few more minutes respite before Jase asked the inevitable question, “Do you want a job with me?”

 

For the last four weeks, since Jase had first asked that same question, Bodie had been mulling the answer.  A year or so ago, the answer would have been quickly an unequivocal, NO! but things had changed and Bodie wasn’t sure when they had changed.

 

Images of he and Doyle sharing a room in a city run by a bigoted, egotistical copper named Green and his nasty, vicious minion Chives, might have been the first leak in the wall that Bodie had built so carefully.  Having sex with Doyle had been nothing, just a bit of plaster to shore of the crumbling emotions during years of rough cases, but Thomas Pellin’s need for some help with anti-gay bigots had opened Bodie’s eyes to his relationship with his partner.

 

Bodie caught his breath as his remembered the tall, slender ex-copper prancing along in the street with his leather jacket, open shirt, and tight jeans looking like a million quid.  They were pretending to be members of a youth organization for gays and the possibility of being gay hadn’t been terribly hard to adjust to.  Doyle’s claim that this city was the place where he had first had sex with a female had made Bodie laugh until he found himself contemplating the pleasure of being Doyle’s first . . . male.

 

Bodie shook his head at that sentimentality that came rushing forth every time he thought of his partner.  Maybe that was another reason why he should think about taking Jase’s proposal of a good paying job with his security firm.

 

Suddenly, Bodie realized that Jase was back and holding out another lager to him.  Smiling, Bodie replied, “Thanks, mate.  You make a good waiter.  Ever thought about changin’ your line of work?”

 

Jase’s eyes twinkled.  He hadn’t seen Bodie in almost fifteen years, but, at one time, they had been very close, and he felt he could read him now.  Laughing slightly, he replied, “More like, mate, have you thought about changin’ your line of work?”

 

Bodie stopped, stunned at his foolish mistake of walking into the subject that he most wanted to avoid. 

 

Jase sat there patiently for a moment or two then continued.  “Don’t sit there looking like an angelfish, trying to feed, you know it wouldn’t be such a bad life.  We do get to handle some very important cases, and I promise not to be the puppet master that Cowley seems to be.”

 

At the mention of Cowley, Bodie managed to break out of his angelfish impersonation.  Just the mention of an angelfish had made him recall the time that he had heard Doyle’s story about how the cat had eaten his angelfish.  That name had quickly become one of the many nicknames that Bodie had come up with for his friend and partner.

 

“I’ve been thinkin’ on it, and you’re wrong about Cowley.  He appears to be remote and somewhat of a martinet, but he’s got the lives of his agents and the civilian population of England to protect.  You’d be more demanding if all that was laid at your door step wouldn’t you?”

 

Jase could easily see the loyalty that Bodie exhibited for his boss.  George Cowley was important to Bodie, and Bodie was important to Jase so he decided to back down and not push the issue.  Instead he decided to direct the conversation in a slightly different direction.

 

“I’m sure your Mr. Cowley is an excellent leader, but remember those days in Jordan and lesser places; we were pretty good partners then, and I wasn’t too bad of a boss was I?”

 

For a moment, Bodie hesitated, he had never pulled his punches with Jase and now wasn’t the time to start.  “You weren’t me boss in Jordan; we were equals.  I learned a lot . . . after you hauled your arse out of the Congo.  What I learned earned me the right to be your equal and you know it.”

 

Realizing that he had once again made a mistake, Jase nodded, acknowledging Bodie’s point.  “You’re right, mate.  You and I did some damn fine work in Jordan, and you were in every way, my equal.  That’s why I want you to join the firm.  After you get your feet under you, I want you to be my partner in the firm as well as everything else.”

 

For a moment Bodie was stunned by the words:  a full partnership in one of the most profitable and prestigious security firms in the world???  Jase had to be mad to even contemplate giving a partnership to Bodie.  Just the idea of the lifestyle he would be living was mind boggling.

 

For what seemed like an eternity, Bodie kept quiet, playing with the puddle of moisture that had dripped off the glass onto the table, then he voiced a question that had been puzzling him ever since Jase had arrived in the city four weeks ago, “Why are you really here, Jase?  You could get some highly talented individuals to join the firm and you didn’t need to come to London to do that.  You could also get a partner with ease, seein’ the money you pay.  So how come . . .me?”

 

“I’ve missed you, Bodie.  Oh, not the way of life we led when we were together, but after you left to return to England, I decided I was going to get out as well.  Why should I risk my life to do someone else’s dirty work?  I guess security work just came naturally.  I had saved up a few quid from all that muscle and mayhem and I put it to good use.  I invested it when I returned to England, and now I can pretty much pick and choose as I desire, and I des . . . and I would like you to join me in the firm.  What’s so bad about that?”

 

“Nothing, I suppose.  I really appreciate you thinkin’ of me, but I’ve got responsibilities to . . .  people, and I just can’t make decisions like that so fast.”

 

“The Bodie I knew could pick up and move out at the drop of beer, if it meant money and doin’ something new.  You’ve changed; what’s done that?”

 

Bodie shook his head, “Lots of things.  I grew up for one thing.  When I first met you I was 19, I’m not that kid any more.  The Army, SAS have all matured me.  I would think the same thing would have happened to you?”

 

Throwing the ball back into Jase’s court, Bodie waited.

 

Jase nodded, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.  I’ve seen enough blood, chaos, and sheer cruelty to last a lifetime.  My cynicism almost choked me so I got out . . . well, sort of.  I hope what I’m doing now is making things better.  Protecting people for money, instead of slaughtering the enemy for money has got to be better, doesn’t it?”

 

“I’d like to think that I’m doing the same thing, working for CI5.  That’s why I’ve stayed with them longer than with anything else I’ve ever done.”

 

Jase quietly stared at his friend for a moment, seemingly studying every feature of the handsome man, then he nodded and asked the question that had been upper most in his mind “Is doing good for others, the real reason you’ve stayed with CI5?”

 

Bodie suddenly sat up very straight, his deep blue eyes penetrating across the table to the man that he had trusted so long ago.  “What ya mean by that?”

 

Jase shook his head, “Nothing . . . except when we first met a couple of weeks ago . . . when we first got together, you constantly mentioned your partner, Ray Doyle.  Isn’t he really why you stayed with CI5?”

 

Bodie’s handsome face took on a cold look.  It was a look that had frozen many a villain during interrogation sessions, but Jase had seen it over and over again in years past, and he knew that he had struck the nerve that might get his friend to finally be honest with him. 

 

Bodie took a sip of the last few drops of lager obviously playing for time.  Finally, he raised his eyes and focused them directly on the ex-merc across from him.  “It’s none of your business why I’ve stayed with CI5, Jase, and if I go with you, it’s none of your business why I choose to do that either.”

 

“Okay, Bodie, I just thought we knew each other well enough that we could talk about it with openness and honesty.”

 

Without really thinking about his words, Bodie blurted out in a slightly raised voice, “Talk, talk, talk, you remind me of someone else.  Listen, Jase and listen good, you probably know more about my past than almost anyone alive, but the decisions, I make are mine, and they don’t have to be discussed or dragged out _ad nauseum_ , is that clear?”

 

“Perfectly, would you like another lager?”

 

Bodie shook his head in the negative.  He knew that he shouldn’t have been so brusque with Jase, but he needed to feel that he was in command of the situation and recent events seemed to be whirling out of his control.  He had had sex with Doyle, and it had been so good, but nothing, nothing was going to make him commit to his moody partner.  He had been upfront with Doyle and now it seemed like everything was falling apart.

 

Jase’s suggestion about changing jobs had come at a great time.  Bodie had four months to go on his contract; could he stick it out that long, watching Doyle, protecting Doyle, and still not really being with Doyle?  He knew Ray had entered into the relationship because of the events that had occurred with Ann Seaford.  Each time they had come together, it wasn’t because of love or anything sentimental like that; it was because that intimacy fulfilled a real need in each man.  Bodie had found much of the same thing with Jase at a lesser depth while in Jordan and other hell holes, but he was no longer interested in being intimate with Jase, but what did Jase want?

 

Staring into his friend’s eyes, Bodie flung back his head to empty a glass that was already empty.  Jase’s one eyebrow shot up into his forehead.  It was obvious that Bodie’s temper was on the edge of bursting forth and his control was on the brink of being lost.  Yes, this was definitely not the man that the ex-merc had known in the past.  Someone, namely Ray Doyle, had got under his old partner’s skin.  The point now was how that was going to affect Jase’s plans for getting Bodie on board with his security firm.

 

“Let’s go to my hotel room, Bodie.  We need to talk, and we certainly need more privacy than what we’re getting here.”

 

Suddenly, Bodie felt exhausted.  3.7 knew that if he went to the hotel with Jase they would end up in bed together.  Bodie hadn’t been with any man except for Doyle for years.  He had continued to date birds, but his need for a male/male relationship had been satisfied by Doyle.  Would Jase expect them to take up where they had left off, if he took the job with Jase’s firm?  Bodie made up his mind - - no physical intimacy with Jase until he knew exactly where his future lay.

 

Bodie sighed, declaring his intention to go home.  “Sorry, Jase, can’t do that.  I’m on call at headquarters at 600 hours.  George Cowley does not like his men to be late.”

Bodie said this last sentence with so much emphasis that Jase had to laugh at the intended meaning behind the words.

 

As the two men walked out the door of the pub, it was obvious that Jase did not want to take “No” for an answer so he started to encourage Bodie to change his mind.  Instead, however, his perceptive ex-partner suddenly brought up the part of a comment that Jase had hoped Bodie had missed.

 

“What did you mean, Jase, when you said that you wanted me to be partners with you in the firm AND EVERYTHING ELSE?”

 

Jase sighed, a few minutes ago that seemed like the right thing to say, but it was now obvious that Bodie was not interested in a more physical relationship and his question hinted at his possible suspicions.  Jase rapidly tried to recalculate his plan, but he suddenly realized that Bodie’s lack of interest might be indicative of how his friend had changed.  Maybe, just maybe Bodie and Doyle were far more than partners and that was why Bodie had thrown up barriers.  It was time to change tactics, if he was to convince this enigmatic man to join him.

 

“I just meant that I want us to be equals in everything, just as we were in Jordan.  I don’t want you to go home each night and think of yourself as just another cog in SAVING LIVES.  I want your participation, your ideas, and your savvy about security to be committed to the firm.”

 

Bodie almost physically stepped away from the man he had known long ago - - there was that word, committed, once again.  It seemed to follow him around everywhere.  Being in a partnership with Doyle was enough of a commitment because that way he could choose the time that he would leave.

 

Having sex with Doyle had changed none of that, but somehow Doyle seemed to be changing.  Every year after the Ann Seaford episode, Doyle seemed to make a big deal over “celebrating” the physical side of their relationship.  Bodie could always tell when Doyle was planning something in commemoration for an act which probably happened thousands of times a day across the world.  Why did Doyle have to make such a big deal out of it?  That was one reason why Bodie had cooked up an excuse that he had a hot date but refused to tell Doyle anything about his date.

 

  

  1. Rubbing his head as if he had a headache, Bodie turned to the silent Jase who seemed not to mind waiting patiently for a response from Bodie.
  



 

“Ta, Jase.  It’s late and I got to get going.  I’ll think about the job offer, but I want to be honest with you.  I’m not sure it’s for me, but I will think about it.”

 

“That’s all I ask Bodie.”

 

The two men stared at each other for a moment, then turned and went to their respective cars.  Bodie left the parking area immediately, but Jase sat in his Jaguar pondering Bodie’s recent words.  His mind concentrated on the unhappy man that he had just spent time with. Was Bodie unhappy because of the chance for a new job or was he unhappy over his old job?  Or, maybe just maybe, he was unhappy over his relationship with Doyle.  If that was true, it was even better because Jase knew that Bodie and he had had a very good partnership, both professionally and physically.  Jase certainly didn’t mind playing upon the positive aspects of their friendship to get what he wanted:  Bodie in his firm and in his bed.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

When the alarm rang, Ray Doyle was already out of bed.  In fact, he had got up almost an hour before, the call of nature waking him, his fears for what today might bring, had kept him awake.  Knowing that he would not get anymore sleep, Doyle decided to shower, eat, and get to CI5 well before his partner.  It was a good thing that they weren’t driving together today because Doyle intended to confront his sometime bed partner and always work partner and find out what was going on.  Was Bodie serious about this bird?

 

Ray Doyle could tell his handsome partner a lot about being serious and thinking this might be the one.  Doyle’s nine day romance with Ann Holly was still a sore point with Bodie.  In the near five years that the two men had worked together, Doyle’s romantic fling with Ann Holly had been one of the times that they had not been in sync.  Only after the whole thing was over did Doyle finally analyse his partner’s motivations. 

 

In many ways the fiasco had been partly Bodie’s fault.  Why had 3.7 even gone to Cowley to announce that Doyle was getting serious about a certain Ann Holly, who also happened to be the daughter of the prime suspect in a smuggling case?  Doyle’s epiphany that Bodie’s investigation into Ann Holly and her relationship to an active CI5 operation was much like Doyle’s investigation of Marikka Schumann.  Doyle hadn’t liked doing it, but the curly haired 4.5 had never given Bodie the benefit of the doubt and assume that Bodie might also have disliked the repulsive task.

 

In fact, it seemed like, at the time, that Bodie was pushing Doyle into thinking along the lines of marriage, and yet, knowing Bodie’s feelings about commitment, why should Bodie be pushing Doyle towards something that, at the time, he himself wasn’t sure about?  Everything seemed to be happening so fast.  Maybe Ann Holly was the person for him, but a week’s acquaintance now seemed like an amazingly short time to risk jumping into the abyss of a lifelong commitment.

 

Ray Doyle knew William Bodie better than anybody, including Cowley, but there were days that Doyle felt completely lost in his relationship with his friend.  It felt like the two men were struggling against a dark tide of who knew what obstacles.  Today, however, Doyle hoped he would get some answers.

 

  

  1. Walking towards the entrance of headquarters of CI5, Doyle was almost swept away by the battering ram of his partner’s body as the tall, muscular agent rushed towards his car.
  



 

“Bodie, what’s up?  We called out or something?”

 

Even though Bodie was travelling at the speed of sound to his car, his perception had registered the seductive walk of his handsome partner.  Bodie knew that if he slowed down at all, he would fall into Doyle’s clutches and that was something he did not want to do.  He had lucked out when he had got to work early and seen that the assignment board and realized the possibilities of changing his assignment.  After talking to Cowley, he had to move fast because he had to pick up his target at Heathrow in less than an hour.  This was the perfect excuse to avoid the skinny golli and Bodie took complete advantage of it.

 

Rushing to his car, Bodie shouted back as his voice faded in the roar of the Capri’s motor, “Got to babysit, see you later!”

 

Ray stood there staring as the Capri launched itself into supersonic speeds and headed wherever.  Instead of pacifying Doyle’s thoughts that Bodie was just acting strangely, this scenario made him even more wary of his partner’s motives.  What was going on?  Every action the handsome ex-merc took seemed to speak volumes about the necessity for getting away from Doyle.  Entering the building, Doyle went to the assignment board to discover the duties of his partner for the day.  His emotions were feeling the effects of the abrasive treatment they had been enduring for the last several weeks.  CI5 work was difficult enough, but being out of tune with Bodie made the whole effort seem worse than mucking through a swamp.

 

Discovering that he was scheduled for file duty for the day added insult to injury so Doyle decided to impart some of his golden words of wisdom to Cowley, just to make sure that the man really knew how his operative felt.

 

Marching to Betty’s desk, Doyle was on the simmer but the pressure was on and it would not take long to bring him to the boil.  Therefore, when he was admitted to Cowley’s inner sanctum after waiting more than a half hour, Doyle was ready to let loose.

 

“Sir, why is Bodie off on a baby . . . escort job, and I have to do files?  Neither of us is recovering from an injury.  This is a waste of good manpower.”  After the words floated out into the air, the curly haired man realized how insubordinate they sounded, but he wasn’t prepared to back down.

 

Cowley removed his horn-rimmed glasses, staring calmly at the man who was questioning his reasoning for what seemed the thousandth time, then he spoke, “Sit down, Doyle.”

 

Doyle seemed ready to refuse then realized that he had pushed Cowley as far as he could and if he didn’t sit, he might be facing suspension.

 

Cowley waited until Doyle was seated then looked piercingly at the young man.  “I will ignore your insubordination, Doyle because quite frankly I am puzzled as well.  Bodie was here even before I entered the building.  He mentioned that he had heard that Ali Ben Hassam was arriving today and that his usual escort was unavailable.  He promptly offered to escort the man for the day and as long as he was needed.  I did not

ask him to do so, he volunteered.”

 

Doyle sat there even more puzzled.  If there was one kind of duty that Bodie hated, it was anything to do with surveillance or escorting visiting VIPs.  What was going on?  Bodie would rather run around covering the tail of some official than work with his partner?  Had Bodie been hit over the head once too often or was he suffering from very early senility?

 

Noticing Doyle’s face, Cowley could easily read the concern and confusion that lurked behind the green eyes.  4.5 and 3.7 were his best operatives.  Their partnership had become legendary.  Cowley’s desire to find the perfect partner for the footloose Bodie had worked well.  Bodie would stay with CI5 as long as Doyle stayed  . . . well at least he’d thought so, until this morning.  Wondering what Doyle knew about this whole situation, Cowley put down his glasses, wiped his tired eyes, and then stared at the man who could hardly stop fidgeting.

 

“4.5, is there something wrong?”

 

Doyle’s ability to stonewall was of the highest calibre, but his weak spot was William Bodie, and his concern about the man was quite obvious, that made him vulnerable and Cowley decided to go in for the kill.

 

“Doyle, are you aware that Bodie’s present contract with CI5 will expire in exactly four months?”

 

Doyle frowned not exactly seeing what this had to do with anything until he suddenly sat up straight, his handsome face a picture of fear and anger.  “What are you saying, sir?  Has Bodie told you that he is not renewing his contract?”

 

Cowley shook his head, “No, I didn’t say that, but as he was leaving today, he stood at the door and looked extremely pensive, while reminding ME that the contract for his services only had four months to go.  In the past few years, he has always signed his contract early, I just wondered if he had said something to you?”

 

Doyle stood, not really even aware of Cowley anymore; his concern and thoughts were entirely on his partner.  As he wandered towards the door, he seemed to wake up from his confusion, and mumbled to his boss, “No, no, he hasn’t said a thing to me, but he bloody well will, if I have anything to say about it.”

 

Leaving the office without realizing his use of profanity in front of his conservative boss, Doyle headed towards the filing room.  At least, this kind of work had regular hours so that he would be able to leave on time.  That was good because he had every intention of confronting one William Andrew Philip Bodie and finding out what were his partner’s plans and just exactly what technique he would use to break Bodie’s neck if the dumb crud was really thinking about leaving.

 

Working in files was always a long day, but Doyle’s mind was in such a state of confusion that the minutes somehow disappeared.  If Bodie was on escort duty, he would be twelve hours on and twelve off so Doyle could go to Bodie’s flat and confront the moron who was playing fast and loose with their lives.  Why hadn’t Bodie talked to him, if he was dissatisfied with something?  Was he dissatisfied with the partnership or what?  Doyle had to know.

 

It wouldn’t do to go storming in so Doyle decided to get some takeaway and some liquid refreshment from a nearby off license.  Doyle knew he could charm his partner into telling him, and if he couldn’t then there were always more persuasive ways.

 

Kicking at the door to Bodie’s flat, Doyle barely managed to hang onto his sacks of Chinese food.  He had purchased sweet and sour shrimp, moo goo gai pan, some dim sum that both men enjoyed as well as the Chinese spare ribs that always seemed to send Bodie in to a romantic mood.

 

He had been lucky that he had got into the building without buzzing Bodie’s flat.  A little old lady, who was leaving at the time of Doyle’s arrival, had obviously thought him to be a delivery person from some restaurant and had thoughtfully opened the door for him.  Of course, it had helped immeasurably when Doyle poured on his considerable amount of charm.

 

Now Doyle stood in front of his partner’s door, using his foot as a battering ram.  Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.  At least when he had had to buzz through, it gave the horny ex-merc a bit of warning if there was a bird on board.

 

After waiting several minutes, the door opened carefully to a sight that instantly gave Doyle an erection.  There was William Bodie standing there with only a robe on, barefoot, with the deep V- neckline of the robe open almost to the navel.  Doyle had never seen Bodie looking quite so dissolute.  What could Bodie have been doing in the time since he had left escort duty and this moment?

 

Bodie’s face looked puffy and exhausted, and his blue eyes seemed slightly glazed over.  “Doyle, what you want, it’s 2.00am in the morning.”

 

Doyle tried to enter the flat but was stopped by the strong, hard body of his best friend.  “You must really have tied one on, Bodie.  It’s 8.00 in the pm.  I brought you dinner figuring you might need some decent food after working a 12 hour shift.”

 

Instead of seeing pleasure in Bodie’s eyes when he stared at the food, Doyle saw the handsome face turn green.  Quickly his partner turned around and headed for the loo.  Realizing that the food would not be consumed immediately, Doyle took the time to put the recently purchased Chinese goodies away for a time when Bodie felt better.

 

Hearing a sound behind him, Doyle turned swiftly while ready to comment on his efforts to preserve the food.  He stopped, however, as he quickly realized that the man standing behind him in another robe - - in fact, one that Doyle often wore when he stayed with Bodie, was not his partner.

 

The man was tall, sandy-haired, with darkest brown eyes that Doyle had ever seen.  He was so dumbfounded by the scene that he was unable to say anything.  The man obviously wasn’t so reticent as he said in a perfectly pitched voice, “You must be Ray Doyle?  I’m Jase Stephens . . . a very old friend of Bodie’s.”

 

If Doyle had tried to count his thoughts at that moment, he would have been forced to stop as something like 10,000.  The images were running so fast through his mind that they made him dizzy.  The only image that stood out, however, was the one of an incredibly handsome man coming out of Bodie’s bedroom with Bodie’s robe on and both men looking like they were either ill or satiated. 

 

Doyle continued to move his mouth much like his beloved angelfish of moggy demise so many years ago while Jase took control of the situation.  Holding out his hand, Jase said, “Please forgive Bodie, he’s feeling a bit under the weather.  Apparently, Ali Ben Hassam does not keep to all the Muslim rules of behaviour and insisted that Bodie join him.  When Bodie called me to pick him up, we had a bit of an “accident” in the car and so, you see me after I’ve _freshened up_.”

 

Doyle didn’t quite know what to say.  His temper was about two points from exploding, but he was trying.  Why did Bodie call this man and not his own partner or a taxi, and WHY would Bodie be ill, he could hold his liquor better than anyone he knew.  Had Hassam doctored the drinks?  “I would like to see Bodie.”

 

Doyle headed towards the small loo, but quickly felt a powerful hand on his wrist.  “I wouldn’t if I were you.  It would only embarrass Bodie and it’s not worth that.”

 

Doyle pulled his arm away rapidly, turning to prepare to breach the ramparts of the loo when Bodie appeared looking less than well.  Doyle took a step back as he perceived his partner’s extreme paleness.  “You okay, mate?”

 

The blue eyes rimmed in red, looked at the smaller man.  A hoarse whisper came forth, “Do I look like I’m okay?  Ray, I need some time to recover.  I got to be back on duty in about eight hours and I really need to kip.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me, if you were feelin’ so rotten?”

 

“You were working, besides what could you have done?”

 

Staring with the coldest green eyes that had ever penetrated his partner’s barriers, Doyle whispered in a voice meant only for the ears of the ex-merc, “The same thing he did, I suppose.”  Doyle began to back off, obviously reading something in the scenario that was playing out before him:  Bodie became ill while doing his duty; Bodie called Jase for help, Bodie hadn’t even thought of his partner; Jase was running around naked in Bodie’s bathrobe.  What more evidence did he need?

 

Somehow Doyle managed to keep his composure, but he was unable to totally keep his hurt from Bodie’s perceptive stare.  About to say something to Bodie, Doyle’s superb peripheral vision spotted the smug look on Jase’s face and closed his mouth.  Without further delay, Doyle opened the door and made good his escape from Bodie’s flat where he had had such good times with the flat’s occupant.

 

Bodie was in no condition to follow his obviously angry and hurt friend, but once again Jase intervened, “I wouldn’t go too far, if I were you, especially not in that robe.  The threads are barely keepin’ it together as it is.”

 

Bodie realized in that moment how confused and out of it he was.  Jase was right; he was wearing the oldest and scroungiest robe that he had.  Normally he would never have thought of doing that, so he must really be less than focused.  Looking at the closed door once more, he wondered what Doyle was thinking.  He hadn’t meant to hurt his friend, but Doyle might as well face the possibility of Bodie’s leaving.  After all it wasn’t every day that a kid from the docklands of Liverpool got a chance to be a partner in an up and coming security firm.  Sighing in exhaustion, Bodie collapsed on his settee.

 

“Don’t worry, mate.  You’ll talk to him tomorrow or the next day and straighten this all out.  In the meantime, you want me to infiltrate Hassam’s boudoir and find out what game he’s playing?”

 

A bleary eyed Bodie looked at his friend for a long moment, convinced that the man would do exactly that.  Wouldn’t George love that?  Finally he replied, “No, thanks.  I’m not 100 per cent sure that he did anything to the drinks.  He’s legendary for the combinations that he puts together.  Maybe I’m just getting old and can’t take the mixed drinks life anymore.”

 

“YOU, getting old?  No way.  Wouldn’t want you if you were over the hill.  Now let’s get you to bed if you really have to go see Hassam again in just a few hours.”

 

With Jase’s help, Bodie made it in to the bedroom, removed his robe and fell into bed.  Jase left quietly expecting Bodie to immediately go to sleep, but the ex-merc suddenly was wide awake.  Two things were bothering him: 1) what was he going to do about Doyle? And 2) what did Jase mean about not wanting him if he was too old?

 

As he finally faded into sleep the images of Doyle’s sad face rotated with Jase’s smug smile.

 

Six hours later, Bodie woke with a start, his heart and mind filled with the terror of a gun stoppage and Doyle caught in the centre of the sniper’s sight.  A shot rang out as Doyle collapsed down the side of the water tower.  Bodie rushed to Doyle’s side, hearing him whisper, “Thanks.”  Then, Bodie ran over to check on the obviously dead man.  When he turned the body over, the stranger was wearing Jase’s face.

 

Bodie stood in the shower until all the heat ran out, fixed himself some toast, and headed out to his next twelve hour shift.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

After another three weeks, Bodie began to wonder why Jase was still hanging around.  It was true that he was setting up an office in London in one of the posher neighbourhoods, but why was he still “courting” Bodie.  Bodie had promised Jase that he would let him know his decision, but the man was still there.

 

On the other hand, Doyle was not.  It seemed as if every solo or alternate partnership that Cowley could find was given to Doyle.  Maybe Cowley was trying to prepare Doyle for losing his partner when the remaining months of the contract were up.  Bodie’s mind was in turmoil.  He wanted to talk to Doyle, but the comfortable chats in the pub after work, or double dating with two birds, or settling down after a particularly difficult job for some sex were all gone.  Doyle came and went, and Bodie just waited.

 

Waited until a professional thief named Sammy got himself killed and the partners were sent out to meet Marge.  Marge was one in a million, and she fell hard for Ray Doyle.  Bodie couldn’t really blame her, but he wasn’t especially thrilled with being called a lout or being totally ignored while Marge cuddled up to the scrawny, sexy golli.

 

Bodie still remembered the night the two of them were expected to sneak in and find which one of two men supplied heroin.  The image of Doyle dressed all in tight black still caused him to lose his breath.  The man was simply gorgeous.  His touched his groin in remembrance of Doyle naked beneath him.  The very scent of Doyle made Bodie’s body react.  It was so good to be close to Doyle after so many weeks of being separated.  Unfortunately the closeness was over so quickly and the only result was Truitt and Bladon were dead, and another heroin dealer would be deported.

 

Bodie began to count down the days.  He looked at the calendar and circled the day that his contract would be up.  He had approximately three months to decide and he figured that he really needed to let Cowley know before the last minute, but how could he tell Cowley without talking to Ray first?

 

Bodie knew his relationship with Ray had gone from bad to worse as he plunged his fist into Doyle’s stomach.  It was true that he was trying to keep Doyle out of his fight with King Billy, but slugging your partner was not the way to promote better feelings, especially since the tension between the two men was at an all time high as Bodie kept messing up Crane’s drills and exercises.  Doyle had, somehow, managed to keep his temper, but when King Billy’s mob had tried to ride him into the ground during the bike race, the Doyle temper had burst forth.

 

As the two men watched Kate Ross and Cowley leave the impromptu bike races, Bodie realized that there was the distinct possibility that Doyle would return to the city and demand that Cowley re-assign him to a new partner.  The fact that Jase had been out of the city for the last few weeks had not helped.  Doyle had virtually said nothing about the incident in Bodie’s flat, but the time was coming for the molten temper that was Ray Doyle to explode with such a force that it would make Krakatoa look miniscule.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

For the next two weeks the two men were assigned as partners which added to the tension.  Terrorists such as the Dreisinger gang were popping up all over the place, and Cowley needed his top two agents to deal with their target, whatever it was.  When it was almost all over, Bodie found himself beaten, captured, and wearing 15 pounds of explosives on his chest.  It could have ended right there with Werner Dreisinger pushing the trigger in the last few seconds of his life, but once again the skinny body and superb running legs of Ray Doyle headed off a fleeing Bodie and removed the bomb.

 

In the moments after they left the scene, neither man spoke about Doyle’s efforts to save his partner’s life.  In the past five years, both men had saved each other’s life numerous times, but this time seemed more poignant, somehow.  Doyle could not get over the fact that Bodie ran away to avoid killing his partner and Cowley, but Bodie was truly shaken with the knowledge that Doyle had risked his life to run after him and maybe, just maybe be able to get the bomb off in time.

 

Their relationship had been laid bare for both men to see.  Each man had always known that they would give their life, in a second, to save the other, but this time Doyle had actually almost done it.  The man who had become such a stranger in the past few months had not hesitated to demonstrate the ultimate loyalty to his partner, and yet, Bodie was thinking of leaving him and that loyalty behind.

 

Jase and Bodie were eating in a very expensive restaurant.  Bodie was enjoying the food enormously, and Jase’s conversation was witty and entertaining, but suddenly, Bodie’s heart ached for the simple evenings that he and Doyle often put together with just a take away, a match, and some quiet music.  Where had that all gone to and whose fault was it that it was gone?

 

Bodie’s mind wandered back to the long months that both men had endured after Doyle’s shooting.  The sheer hatred that Bodie felt towards May Li had mutated into a constant ache and need to see his partner fully recovered, or, at least, capable of returning to full status with CI5.  He knew that he had to have Doyle return as his back up.  Nothing and no one else would do.  The thousands of cheese and pickle sarnies that he had fixed while sitting with Doyle while he recovered made the dishes that he was now eating seem like so many ashes.  Why was Bodie really contemplating leaving CI5 and Doyle?

 

Jase had held his tongue during the long weeks since he had returned from a business trip to France.  His security firm was expanding so much that he now had offices in five countries, and Jase was still intent on having Bodie become his partner.  In just a few weeks the two men could be partners, sharing their lives, ruling a domain that was both profitable and prestigious.

 

Strangely enough, Jase had not even pushed the physical side of their relationship and Bodie had done nothing to show that he was interesting in continuing with that side of the relationship.  In fact, Bodie had not even dated many women in the past several months.  His mind was so confused about his future without the possibility of Doyle being in it, that the very thought of women occupying his bed, was not up for contemplation.

 

Bodie made up his mind.  He had to confront Doyle; he had to talk to him about his plans.  Of course, that meant that Bodie had to actually know what his plans were.  Every time he was with Jase, the man’s charisma seemed to push Bodie towards accepting the job and getting away from that black hole that seemed to be lurking in the way of committing himself to Doyle.  Certainly he was more than half way there with the friendship and partnership that had become so important to him, but he could not force himself to go farther.

 

He had partly committed himself in the past:  names such as Dulchone, Marikka, and Jimmy Keller readily came to mind and even more quickly they threw the dangers of commitment back in the ex-merc’s face.  Bodie knew that he could walk away from Jase and his partnership whenever he had to, but could he walk away from Doyle and the most satisfying life that he had lead in his very traumatic life?

 

Looking at Jase across the table, Bodie resolved that he had to talk with Doyle before going any further with Jase’s proposal.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Ray Doyle sat in his flat with his long legs crossed on the coffee table, or, at least, that was what Bodie liked to call it.  Doyle smiled because Bodie had moved him in since he was still in the hospital.  Doyle had never questioned the move from his old flat.  The flat that had the stain of his blood soaked into the carpet.  By the time that he had left the hospital, Bodie had moved Doyle lock, stock, and barrel to the new flat. 

 

When Doyle arrived at the new place, after Bodie and a nurse had carried him to the car, he stared at the furnishings and shivered for a moment.  It was probably a good thing that he had left the old flat and its memories far behind.  Bodie refused to talk much about that flat and what had occurred.  They spent the next several months, concentrating on Doyle regaining his strength and his ability to return to CI5.  Frankly, Doyle didn’t know what he would have done without the nagging, demanding softie, who was his partner. 

 

Where had they gone wrong?  Was it the sex?  By that time, they had been having sex off and on for over two years.  Their friendship and partnership had not seemed to suffer from the physical side of their relationship.  Bodie was always there for him  . . . maybe that was the problem, Bodie thought Doyle took him for granted.

 

Or could it be Jase?  The man certainly was handsome, and the two men certainly seemed close.  After all, it was Jase that Bodie had called when he was suffering from the mickey that Hassam had slipped him.  Cowley had made inquiries about the whole mishap and found out that Hassam was planning to kidnap the handsome CI5 operative and take him back to his own country, but fortunately fate had intervened when Hassam had been called home under suspicion of treason.  Bodie had been left behind instead because Hassam had been forced to leave quickly.  They heard later that Hassam had not escaped his country’s justice.

 

Doyle realized that he needed to talk to Bodie.  They had talked very little since Dreisinger had grabbed Bodie and made him into a human time bomb, but Bodie had been furious with his partner for risking his neck to save the fleeing Bodie.  Bodie’s fury had reminded Doyle of the day that Bodie had accused him of mismanaging a bust-in to the flat where hostages were being held.  The words, “You’re supposed to shoot from the door.  Next time you can be the monkey on the string,” had weighed heavily on the slender Doyle.  The very thought that he could have missed the shot and hit Bodie caused shivers to run through his body even now well over two years since the event.

 

He wanted to ask Bodie about renewing his contract.  Was Bodie reluctant to do so because he was dissatisfied with their partnership or maybe he wanted to be with Jase more than he wanted to be with Doyle?

 

Doyle’s heavy eyelids closed as sleep seemed to overtake him, but suddenly he sat up as he realized that someone was hitting the buzzer to his outside door.  Only one person in the world made that rhythm on his buzzer . . . Bodie.  Rushing to let him in, Doyle felt butterflies in his stomach.  What a strange feeling, after almost five years of being partners with the man, and some glorious sex, he was nervous to see his best friend.

 

When the knock came, Doyle almost jumped out of his very tight jeans.  He felt like he had hurt himself as he had difficulty walking to the door.  Opening it, he stood staring at the tall, handsome man who had come to mean so much to him.  Bodie was staring down at the floor then he made that characteristic gesture, scrunching up his beautiful mouth with his two fingers like he didn’t know what to say.  In fact, it seemed as if he really didn’t know what to say because he merely handed some cans of lager to Doyle, as he seemed to still hesitate to come in.

 

Doyle stared at him, his thoughts quickly perceiving that Bodie was as nervous as he was.  Doyle gestured to the younger man to come in as he turned to lead him into the sitting room.  Since the beer was cold, he offered a can to his friend and took one for himself.

 

Both men sat down but on opposite sides of the room.  Doyle thought Bodie seemed to be acting like a gladiator preparing to face a lion.  Saluting Bodie with his can, Doyle threw back his head and took a long drain of the cool liquid.  Bodie on the other hand seemed to stare at Doyle as if he were poetry in motion, studying every graceful movement the man made . . . as if it would be the last time, he would do so.

 

Doyle put the can down and began to study the nervous ex-merc.  He wasn’t used to Bodie being reticent about most things, but their communication skills had been sadly lacking recently.  Doyle decided that he better start the conversation or Bodie might get up and leave without broaching the subject for which he had come.

 

“Somethin’ the matter, sunshine?”

 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

 

Doyle waited, but Bodie didn’t continue, so 4.5 tried again, “So what is it?  What’d I do?”

 

For a moment, Doyle thought Bodie would continue to be silent, then the deep blue eyes flashed, Bodie’s face became red, and he was off, “Why’d you chase after me?  Why’d you risk yourself?  You knew that Dreisinger could trigger the bomb with just a flick of his thumb, you dumb crud, what did you think you were doing?”

 

“I was saving you.”

 

Now there was silence.  Bodie felt like a fist had hit him in the heart.  It wasn’t so much what Doyle had said, it was the way he said it.  It made Bodie sound like he was the most important person in the world to the golli.  Bodie didn’t need to hear such sentimental twaddle right now, not when he was here to tear the guts out of the best partnership that he had ever known.

 

“Ray, I don’t need to hear that.  I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of.  You know some of them.  After all you’ve seen Krivas.  I’m not worth you riskin’ your life for.”

 

Doyle frowned, as he listened to his friend, speaking in such a self-disparaging manner.  Turning red in the face due to his anger, he blurted out, “I think you are, Bodie.”

 

“Well, you’re wrong, mate, but you won’t have to do it anymore.  I’m leaving CI5 when my contract is up, so that gives you three months and twelve days that you have to put up with me.  That’s, of course, if you want to.  I can always ask the Cow for another partner, if you want me to.”

 

Doyle’s heart was pounding more than 100 beats a minute.  He thought sure that Bodie could hear it thudding away.  He hadn’t felt this much pain since MayLi had put two bullets in him and left him to die.  It had been Bodie who had come to his rescue, just as he always did. Now, it was Bodie, who was inflicting the pain by just mentioning the words that he was leaving.

 

Drawing in his breath as if he couldn’t get enough air, Doyle was aghast at a future without Bodie.  Why? Why was his best friend leaving him, and why had he made such a momentous decision without talking it over with him first?  His mind was fumbling around for the words that would make this easier, but there were none.  Only honesty would do now.

 

“I don’t want you to go, but you’re the one who has to make that decision.  It can’t be just because I chased after you to save your bloody hide, so what is it?”

 

“I never promised you anything, Doyle.  I’ve been there for you for the last five years, but you’ve always known that I’m a man who doesn’t stay in one place for long.  Commitments aren’t easy for me, and so I’d like you to look at this as just one more of my character flaws.  You know I’ve got a lot of them.”  Bodie stopped here, trying to come up with a small smile to ease the tension in the room, but Doyle wasn’t having it.

 

“Has it anything to do with Jase?”

 

Bodie closed his eyes for a mere second then took the bull by the horns or a golli by the curls, and stated emphatically, “Not the way you mean.  I’ve known Jase for a long time.  He’s offered me a job with his security firm.  He’s promised me that after I’ve become familiar with the work, I can be a full partner.  It’s time for me to move on.”

 

Doyle sat staring at the man who had made the last five years of his life more bearable, then asked the question he knew would infuriate his soon-to-be ex-partner, “Are you and he lovers?”

 

Bodie stood up, obviously in a rage.  He headed towards the door then whirled around and shouted, “No, he is not, if it is any of your business.  Is that your concern . . . that I’ve replaced you in my bed with HIM?  It’s great to know that’s what you’ve really thought of me these past years.  You never could get over my past, could you?  I’ll see the Cow in the morning and ask for another partner.”

 

Starting to open the door, Doyle, with a speed that Bodie had never seen before, grabbed the ex-merc with a grip that brought pain to the larger man’s bicep, but Bodie refused to show any reaction.  “Damn you, Bodie, I didn’t say that.  You can have anyone you want as a lover, I just wondered why, if Jase had persuaded you to leave, you hadn’t talked it over with me first, that’s all.  Of course, I don’t want another partner.  We can work together for the next three months or three years, unless you think that you can’t handle it.”

 

Bodie gently pulled away from Doyle’s slender hand, shaking himself slightly, he replied in a whisper, “Of course, I can handle it, thought you couldn’t.  You haven’t been the friendliest crud recently.”

 

“You haven’t given me much chance to be friendly.  You’ve been with Jase most of your free time.”

 

Bodie dropped his head, showing the truth in that statement.  “I know, but let’s not let Jase come between us now.  We both need to have our heads on straight if we’re going to handle our jobs otherwise I think Cowley should re-assign one of us.”

 

“All right, Bodie, it’s back to working together.  I’ll do my job, but don’t expect me to forget that you’re leaving.  I hope you’ll be happy in your new job; it will seem strange without you eatin’ me food and drinkin’ me beer, but you deserve the very best.”

 

Quick as a flash the thought _, I have been with the best,_ passed through Bodie’s mind, but he said nothing, just nodded.  “All right, mate.  I’ll pick you up at 7.00 hours tomorrow, and be prepared to do Father’s bidding.”

 

“Right!”

 

Doyle stood with the sickest smile on his face long after Bodie left the flat.  Doyle felt as if he had been crushed by a weight that was so oppressive, he couldn’t even expand his chest cavity to take a much needed breath.  What was he going to do without Bodie?  _Why didn’t I ask if it was having sex with me that had turned him off?  He said that he wasn’t having a physical relationship with Jase so maybe he doesn’t want a man anymore?  Maybe, if I promise to stay away from him . . . in that way, he’ll think again?_

 

Doyle threw himself supine onto the settee.  He didn’t care if he had his boots on; he lay there sprawled out, with one forearm across his eyes as if he couldn’t stand to see his battered image in his own mind.  Five years . . . five years of living in each others’ pockets, laughing, fighting, arguing, being friends and none of it seemed to count for anything.  Doyle had really thought that he had beat Bodie’s jinx of wanting to move on after a few years in one place.  Once again the abyss of commitment had reared its ugly head.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

“Look, if you want my resignation, just ask for it, all right?” 

 

Bodie stood in the small cell, breathing heavily, his handsome face full of fury.  Once again George Cowley had put his partner in jeopardy.  Doyle had been impersonating Pete Van Neikerk for several days.  The South African was a paid assassin who had been picked up at the airport after a quick confrontation inside and outside of an arriving jet.  Doyle had quickly taken on the role of the assassin and now Van Neikerk had escaped.

 

Van Neikerk had already murdered one CI5 agent, who had been bringing him some food, and now he was on the loose obviously going after an unaware Doyle.  Bodie could hear the furious voice of George Cowley telling him that he wanted him to get on the phone and warn Doyle and stop acting like a _prima dona_.  Never in all his years had Bodie come so close to hitting the older man that he was once felt so loyal to.  Doyle had replaced Cowley in his loyalty and now, or at least in a few months, even that loyalty would come to an end.

 

But, for the time being, Ray Doyle was still Bodie’s partner, best friend, and assigned duty, so Bodie would leave no stone unturned to get his partner back and he would worry about the consequences later.

 

Luckily a few hours later, Bodie received a phone call from the missing agent.  Van Neikerk had caught up to Doyle, but instead of killing him, he had stashed him with a sizeable lump on his head in the boot of a parked car.  Van Neikerk could not have foreseen that two young drunken men would take the car and go for a joyride which ended with Doyle being thrown out and the two men going over the side of a hill and the petrol tank blowing up.

 

When Bodie saw Doyle along the side of the rode, he said very little except to ask if Doyle wanted a lift and then to make a sarcastic remark about the location of Doyle’s brains after the golli had rubbed his extremely sore bum.  The whole incident had been like old times, with the two men working together as partners.  Bodie had even gently caressed Doyle’s chest when Doyle had threatened to bang Bodie’s head in retaliation.  It had been so long since the two men had really touched each other.  It felt good to have some of the old camaraderie back, but soon Bodie realized that it was just temporary because the days until his contract expired were winding down very rapidly.

 

Cowley genuinely seemed to be making an effort to keep the two men were working together.  Doyle’s efforts to return to the rural police force to round up the Sangster gang was amply helped by Bodie’s assignment as a sugar beet salesperson.  They worked well together as the gang tried to make off with the Straten 4 device.  Before Bodie had been cuffed, he had taken on a vicious dog to give Doyle time to empty the petrol from the waiting plane.  Their partnership only took on some minor damage when the still-cuffed Bodie was arrested by the rural police who arrived on the scene, just in time to apprehend Sangster and his murdering cohorts.  Bodie pointed out to Doyle, without let up, that he really didn’t appreciate his smelly partner laughing as he was hauled away to the local gaol.

 

Even the death of Diana Molner did not weaken their working relationship, although it was a close run thing.  Doyle was always the one to get involved with the individuals that they were trying to help.  Molner and her brother paid with their lives for their efforts to use drugs to bring down the government in their home country.  The fact that George Cowley had declared the protection of Molner to be an Operation Susie did nothing to undermine their trust in each other, but it badly damaged their trust in George Cowley. 

 

The fury on Doyle’s face when he saw the dead girl, lying in her own blood in the unused train car, would stay with Bodie for a very long time.  It was Bodie, who wanted to take a few with him, in what appeared to be a losing cause, but it was Doyle whose morality was tried to the nth degree when the innocent girl was shot, while supposedly under the two men’s protection.

 

After Diana Molner had been removed by the coroner, the two partners could barely talk to each other.  Doyle’s guilt and fury were at equal levels.  Bodie didn’t know what to do so they returned to CI5 headquarters to write another one of the never ending reports that George Cowley always insisted upon.  Doyle got done first as he often did and stormed out of headquarters not even bothering to talk to Cowley because this time he was really afraid that he would do violence to the older man.

 

It was Bodie, who stayed around, to turn in both reports and who found out that Cowley had used his tremendous influence as leverage against the government minister who was running the search for Diana Molner.  Treason became the lever that got the mission against the innocent woman called off but not in time. 

 

In fact, Bodie was just as upset with Cowley as Doyle was but for a different reason.  Cowley had betrayed Diana Molner because he would not risk CI5 in a confrontation with the Government . . . so Diana Molner paid with her life.  This is what made Doyle furious . . . Cowley preached that innocent civilians must be protected, but everyone and everything became expendable to save CI5, and Doyle could not take it anymore so he walked out of the headquarters, not sure what his plans would be.

 

Bodie, on the other hand, was furious because Cowley, had, once again, made his two agents the scapegoats.  He was used to this concept in the mercs, in the Army and elsewhere, but George Cowley played the game better than anybody, and while Bodie understood it, he could not forgive it this time - - he and especially Doyle had almost lost their lives.  Thinking back to the despair on Doyle’s face as he saw the lifeless body of Diana Molner, Bodie could only think about what would happen to Doyle once Bodie left to join the security firm.

 

Bodie left headquarters and, without thought, drove to Doyle’s flat.  Once he arrived there, he tried to focus his thoughts onto the real reason that he was here.  After all, Doyle was going to have to come to grips with the loss of his partner in just over three months.  Why go and comfort the man now?  Nevertheless, William Bodie left his car and headed towards the outside door to Doyle’s flat.  Banging on the buzzer in his usual rhythmic pattern, Bodie became concerned when the noise didn’t rouse his partner.  He knew Doyle was upset, but was the snarky golli just refusing to answer or was there something seriously wrong?  Bodie’s mind flew back to the most awful day of his life when he had broken into Doyle’s flat and saw the slender man in the white coat, bleeding his life away.

 

If truth were told, Bodie had never been able to forgive himself for forgetting his R/T during the most important crisis of his life.  How could he forget such an important device when it could have cost Doyle his life?  The few extra minutes that it took to run back to the car to call for help might have made the difference and resulted in Doyle’s death and left Bodie all alone.

 

A shudder ran through the ex-merc as he remembered that feeling of being responsible for the possible death of his partner.  Bodie had long ago got used to the feeling of impending death for himself.  There were certainly times in Africa and Jordan where that feeling had been very prevalent and very real, but now that Bodie thought about it, although he had been close to Jase, his death in any of those exotic places would not have meant the same to Bodie as the possibility as Doyle’s loss.

 

The dark abyss of commitment seemed to open as the gates of hell as Bodie suddenly realized how important Doyle had become to him in the past five years.  Maybe that was it:  he had been with Doyle for five years and he had only spent a little over three years, off and on, with Jase.  Time does make the heart grow fonder surmised Bodie as he miss paraphrased the saying.

 

Finally, Bodie heard a sleepy-voiced Doyle answer his buzzer, just as he was preparing to break in.  Bodie let out a sigh of relief as Doyle mumbled, “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

 

Not expecting Doyle to let down his guilt complex long enough to find the time to sleep, Bodie was surprised that his friend had been so out of it that he would not hear the buzzer, but he hoped that the kip had improved his moody partner’s attitude.

 

Rushing up the stairs to the open door, Bodie walked in and looked around.  He could hear Doyle in the small kitchen that went with this new flat.  Walking to the kitchen’s portal, Bodie could still see the curly hair thrown back as Doyle seemed to be draining a jug of juice dry.  Bodie smiled as he remembered that was always Doyle’s remedy for the drowsy effects from an afternoon kip.

 

After Doyle drained the jug, he set it down quietly with a great deal more concentration than the moment warranted.  Obviously, Doyle was struggling for time to regain his composure for what surely was going to be a difficult visit from Bodie.

 

Now that Bodie had Doyle in his sights, he realized that he wasn’t sure what he was going to say or even why he was here.  After all, Ray Doyle was a big boy now and had been in law enforcement for numerous years and had seen death in every one of its ugly forms, and he had survived.  He certainly didn’t need his soon-to-be ex-partner to comfort him, and yet, Bodie, knew that Doyle did need him, and, perhaps, this would be the last time.

 

For a moment the two men stood, staring at each other until Doyle finally burst forth with, “Don’t need a baby-sitter, do I?”

 

“I’m not here to baby-sit.”

 

“Oh, then why are you here?”

 

“Maybe, I need a bit of comfort.”

 

For a moment Doyle stood as if he didn’t know quite what to say, then some of the feeling of abandonment burst forth with his rude question, “Well, why didn’t you go find Jase then?”

 

Bodie’s eyes became hard as the Hope Diamond and somewhat the same colour.  Bodie’s face turned slightly red as he mumbled in the coldest tone he could summon, “Sorry, I bothered.”  He turned quickly and headed towards the front door, but even though Doyle was clearly exhausted, he beat his partner to the door and threw himself in front of it.  He looked up at his partner; his eyes defiant.  “You going to run away from me again?  Before, you would have busted me on the jaw, which I deserve, and then we would have talked.  Is it so hard to talk to me now?”

 

Bodie stood rigidly still, not sure what to say.  Slowly, he brought his left hand up to Doyle’s broken cheek and caressed it.  Doyle closed his eyes as the pleasure seeped through him.  Bodie smiled because Doyle had done this so many times as a prelude to their need for comfort that, more than not, had led to sex.

 

Bodie smiled as he blue eyes sparkled, “You need some sleep, mate.  Let’s go to bed.”

 

For a moment, Doyle’s green orbs flared with anger as he spit out, “Is that all I’m good for now - - sex?”

 

Sadness entered the blue eyes as he continued to stare at the feisty, little mongrel that was prepared to take on both him and the world, if necessary; then Bodie whispered, “No, Angelfish, you’re good for a lot of things, including this.”  Bodie leaned forward and licked the seductive Cupid’s bow lips that had enticed him from the very beginning.  “Let’s go cuddle; won’t have many more times to do so.”

 

For a moment Bodie thought his friend would refuse.  Stubbornness was the very epitome of Doyle’s nature, then something changed in Doyle’s face and the curls began to wiggle as Doyle nodded his head in the affirmative. 

 

By the time the two men were in the bedroom, they were naked.  Doyle occupied his usual side and lay there prepared for whatever Bodie wanted, but after standing by the side of the bed for more than a minute, Bodie shook his head, and said with a great deal of affection.  “Stop playing the martyr, Ray.  This is about both of us, and we both need comfort.  I know you don’t think much of my past, but I’m not into seein’ young women slaughtered either, just to make it more convenient for someone else.”

Slowly, Bodie entered the bed and took the slender, walking wet dream into his arms.  Within seconds the two men were entwined as Doyle laid his head on Bodie’s shoulder.  Their need for comfort overrode everything at the moment, and the tender kisses lavished by Bodie up and down the curly top was like a soporific as Doyle’s eyes became heavier and heavier.  Within seconds, Doyle was asleep.  Bodie, however, continued to look at the exhausted face for several more minutes before, he too fell asleep.

 

When Doyle woke several hours later, it was to the irritating sound of his R/T.  Groping around for it, he knocked it off the nightstand before finally answering the call.  “4.5, what’s up?”

 

“Is that the proper way to answer a call, 4.5?”

 

“Sorry, sir, haven’t had much sleep and I’m a bit groggy on the fundamentals of responding on the R/T.”

 

“Hmmm, I’m looking for 3.7 as well, would you have any idea where he is located?”

 

Realizing that Bodie must have left his R/T in his car, Doyle quickly looked over at the bundled mass that occupied the other side of the bed.  Bodie was just waking up, so his rate of comprehension was only one step above the primordial ooze.  Luckily for the ex-Para, he had been trained to re-focus almost immediately so both men were ready to listen. 

 

Grabbing Doyle’s R/T, Bodie acknowledged his location while Doyle rushed around the room grabbing clothes if an immediate call-out was necessary. 

 

“Very well, 4.5 and 3.7, I will expect you in my office at precisely 9.00 hours tomorrow.  Doyle, be sure that you see the doctor about those burns on your wrists.  We cannot afford to have you less than perfect on the range.”

 

“The range, sir?”

 

“Yes, I believe you do know what that is.  Your recent activities have not permitted you much time to perfect your talents, and then you will see Macklin for a ‘refresher’ course on proper methods during a siege.”

 

Doyle looked at Bodie who seemed to be slightly flustered.  Doyle, on the other hand, was furious.  After what Cowley had done, he had the nerve to question their method of defending themselves.  It was true a civilian was killed, but Cowley had virtually abandoned the three of them to the mercy of the Ministry’s mob.

 

Once again, Bodie took the R/T from his partner’s hand and acknowledged the sign-off.  The temperature was extremely cold in the room, and Bodie knew that it wasn’t from the weather outside.  He could see that Doyle was furious.  Figuring it was better to launch a defence rather than be overwhelmed, Bodie opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately silenced by a cold glare from his partner, and then the famous Doyle temper really took hold.

 

“You’ve already seen Cowley?  You talked to him and did nothing to let him know what we thought of his efforts to save Diana Molner.  How dare you come here last night and try and romance me out of filing a complaint about Cowley’s tactics.  He’s such a hypocrite; he’s always preaching that civilians must come first.  Isn’t that in his golden words of wisdom in his little pep talk to all new recruits?  And you practically go running to him to kiss his . . . well, whatever you kiss.”

 

Doyle was so infuriated that he didn’t see the punch coming, but he certainly felt the message that it left.  Popping back up he immediately threw himself at Bodie’s angry body and the two men began to wrestle.  The bed made it more difficult to get good holds and certainly hindered their mobility, but both men were totally exhausted as they would not call it quits.

 

Finally, difficulty in grabbing the sweat encrusted bodies became so much a preponderance of the match that the two men dropped to the mattress, feeling as if they had been run over by a lorry.

 

The partners lay side by side for several minutes, then a gasping Doyle whispered, “You goin’ to explain yourself?”

 

For a moment, Bodie was silent then he began in a ritual sing-song voice, “Well, I was born in 1946.  I grew up in Liverpool.  I have a tattoo on my . . . “

 

The ex-merc had to give up his sing-song recitation, however, when the air was driven out of his body as Doyle threw himself on his partner’s vulnerable stomach.  The wrestling began anew but ended much quicker as both men were extremely tired.  Doyle sat on his knees for a moment before turning and flopping supine next to his recent wrestling mate.  “I didn’t mean your life story, you moron. I meant explain yourself for betraying our partnership and going to Cowley.”

 

“I didn’t betray our partnership.  Remember, you were the one who flounced out of headquarters today, so I was left with turning in both reports.  Cowley caught me as I was putting them in Betty’s in-box, and told me that he had actually threatened Northcott with a charge of treason in order to get his men called off.  It wasn’t Cowley’s fault that Diana was killed before the order went through.”

 

Doyle said nothing for several minutes so Bodie sat up in bed and stared at the slender, seductive body.  Even in his fury, Doyle was beautiful.  Finally, Doyle spoke, “You know I’m beginnin’ to think that you’re right to get out of this business.  If we have to protect civilians from our own government, then what good are we?”

 

Bodie looked down at the bed as if he didn’t know what answer to give.  “I guess we just do our best, and hope we succeed sometimes.”

 

Doyle sat up and stared with his green eyes looking as frozen as Bodie had ever seen them, “Yeah, I guess that’s why you move on so often, so you don’t have to deal with some of this shite.”  With those words, Doyle bounced off the bed and headed toward the loo.

 

By the time, Doyle was done with his overlong shower which he was deliberately using to calm down his fury; Bodie had left his bed and the flat.  Doyle wiped his eyes in despair.  He had alienated his partner once again.  Maybe it was a good thing that their partnership would come to an end in just a few months.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Rhythmic breathing and tired legs came hand in hand as Doyle continued his running.  He had to make the next telephone kiosk before the time was up.  It was absolutely vital that he be there to take the eerily machine-generated voice.  As Doyle ran, he thought about his ability to compete in running at the Olympics or the Commonwealth games then decided that running for George Cowley was enough for one lifetime.

 

Soon after the next phone message, Doyle met the crude, Ferris, a man so unlikable that he wondered why people hadn’t immediately put a knife in his paunchy gut.  After he heard Ferris’ proposition and then met Twig, he no longer wondered because he decided Twig was such an obnoxious thug that a person trying to decide which one to eliminate first, probably couldn’t do so without inflicting both scum with the effects of a .357 magnum.

 

Doyle and his partner were working together on this effort to bring down a ring of assassins who murdered supposed nobodies.  They were working together and yet they weren’t.  Doyle was trying to infiltrate the assassin’s circle while Bodie had already done so and was working with a blond named Williams.

 

Cowley figured that two inside men, working for CI5, was better than one, but it soon became readily apparent that Doyle’s cover had been blown, probably by the boss of the assassins.  Staring down Williams’ gun, Doyle realized that he might seriously end up dead in the next several seconds if Bodie didn’t react.

 

Doyle felt the adrenalin being pumped into his body as he stood in a forested area with his heart racing as he stared at the unknown man, and it was quite obvious that Williams was ready to shoot.  For the first time in the long history of their partnership, Doyle was no longer sure about Bodie’s actions.  Finally, Bodie did react, but the rage in Doyle’s slender frame overwhelmed him even as he found out that Williams was an MI6 operative working undercover just as he and Bodie were.

 

As Bodie and Doyle took Williams into “custody” to meet Cowley and hear his explanation of how MI6 was involved, Doyle sat in the back of Bodie’s car pondering what had just happened.  His lack of trust in Bodie badly shook the older agent as he realized that perhaps his relationship with Bodie was no longer as solid as it once had been.  How could he tell Bodie that he had really thought, for a second, that Bodie might actually allow his partner to be shot to keep his cover intact?

 

Williams was now being interrogated by Cowley so the two agents were free for a few moments, but the tension between the two of them was so thick that neither said anything.  The problem was that Doyle didn’t think that Bodie really understood why Doyle was so upset.  In Bodie’s own mind, it was only reasonable to wait to the last second to react to the threat to Doyle, and this is what he tried to explain to his neurotic, paranoid partner, but to Doyle, it had been hideously dangerous to allow the scene to have gone so far.  Another second and Doyle would have been dead.  What would Bodie have said then - - “Ta, I didn’t think that he had that fast of reflexes.”  They could have put that on Doyle’s grave stone.

 

Doyle went home, free to leave because he was no longer undercover, but he soon returned to the chase as the traitor was identified.  The need to chase Dawson, Deputy Head of MI6 and long time traitor, was adventurous as well as dramatic.  As Bodie and Doyle returned to CI5 headquarters slightly the worse for wear from having their rubber boat stranded by a lucky shot and their clothes wet with spray, Doyle once again contemplated the choices that were made by both himself and his partner. 

 

Doyle had had to reach across the rapidly racing rubber raft to hang onto Bodie as he nearly fell out of the raft into the Thames.  _What if I hadn’t reached across, would Bodie have been hurt or died?_   In previous years, before the arrival of Jase and all the events that had taken place, Doyle would never have needed to even contemplate that question.  He would have acted instinctively and never thought about it again, but this case had had two remarkable incidents, which showed how far the partners had strayed from their legendary trust:  Bodie had let Williams get dangerously close to killing Doyle and Doyle had to reach his hand across at precisely the right second to save his partner who was barely staying in the raft. 

 

What had had happened to the partners’ natural instincts?

 

Doyle went to his flat, completely exhausted.  He had a headache that would not leave.  He knew it was from tension, but it wasn’t just the tension of the recently completed case, it was the tension that had manifested itself between Ray Doyle and William Bodie.  It was much like the tension that the two men had worked under in their first days of being partners, only this time it was for a different reason, but what really was that reason?

 

Over the next few days, Bodie said very little about what had occurred.  Instinctively, Doyle knew that Bodie was uneasy about what had occurred and had obliquely apologized for letting Doyle get into Williams’ sight when he had said that he hoped the Golli hadn’t pissed his tight jeans when he looked down William’s gun barrel.

 

Doyle had said nothing, but the phrase had grated against Doyle’s sorely wounded feelings and so, once again, as he lay on his settee thinking about the day’s events, he began to question what had happened to the once close partnership.  Was that closeness gone or just damaged by the advent of Jase into Bodie’s life or what?

 

When Ann Holly had made her nine days’ appearance, she had upset the equilibrium for a time, but she was out of Doyle’s life so quickly that Doyle felt that the partnership had made a good recovery.  Maybe the redeemed relationship was more because of Bodie’s attitude, the comfort that he offered even though Doyle had been even more snarky and moody than usual.

 

Maybe that was the problem OR really maybe Doyle was the problem.  He had come to expect and take Bodie’s loyalty for granted.  Doyle’s need for a constant friendship with Bodie opened Doyle’s previously wilfully blind eyes to how selfish he had been with Bodie’s friendship.  Maybe, Bodie had got tired of always being taken for granted, and when Jase re-entered his life, Bodie decided to act upon his feelings.  After all Jase was wealthy, doing important work, and certainly was attractive.  Doyle well knew the wandering lust that Bodie had always possessed.  Why should he be surprised that after five years of the selfish, short-sighted treatment that Doyle had dished out to his partner, that Bodie had called enough and decided to go on to a different life.  Who could blame the man who had been to many parts of the world and done many things, if he was tired of Ray Doyle after five years?

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDD

 

“Hey, mate.  What’s this about a purple bathrobe that you’ve been flouncin’ in?”

 

The two men were back at Doyle’s regular flat after the completion of an undercover op that offered a wide cast of characters, including:  a beautiful and sophisticated prostitute, some horses, a killer who had gunned down an opponent of his country’s government, a supposed “shot” Bodie, and a great deal more.  Top that off with the daughter of a woman’s rights activist staging a spectacular march that permitted CI5 to take one of the scums of the Earth off the streets of London, and the two men had every right to be knackered.  Instead, Bodie was up and running to hear about the purple robe.

 

Green orbs looked at his partner like he was a moron.  For a moment, Bodie could see that Doyle was contemplating playing dumb about the whole thing then he sighed, and replied, “It was just something I wore to look the part of a wealthy man about town so it didn’t look strange for Anna to come to the door.”

 

Bodie smirked rather audaciously as he blurted out, “I think everyone of your neighbours, Doyle would know what SHE was doing there; they would just think it was a bit strange, is all.”

 

Doyle sat up very straight, acting very wary and offended as well.  “What you mean by that, you dumb crud?”

 

“Well, quite frankly, what would a beautiful, sophisticated, and knowledgeable female such as Anna want with a mangy, skinny runt like you?  Of course, she hadn’t seen me yet, so that could explain it; you know - - puttin’ up with the leavings until the _pièce de résistance_ , namely me, showed up to give her a good time.”

 

Doyle snorted and began choking on his lager which his partner had got for him as if the ex-merc was used to making the Doyle’s flat his own.  Since some of the liquor went down the wrong pipe, Doyle began coughing and continued trying to gasp for his breath, until Bodie went over and thumped his partner on the back several times.

 

That stopped the coughing, but caused the red faced golli to come up swinging with his dismay over Bodie’s treatment, “You moron, what’d you hit me so hard for, bet you broke at least three ribs.  I’ll be maimed for weeks.  If I have to go on sick leave, you’ll pay for all me pain and me food while I’m sufferin’ on me bed of misery.”

 

Now it was Bodie’s turn to snort.  His golli had always been a minor hypochondriac when it was something small, but when he had got shot in the heart and was laid up for months, he withdrew and treated everyone with cold distain.  Bodie ignored his partner’s miserable personality during all those weeks, because he knew how fearful Doyle was about ever being able to return to the A Squad.  Bodie thought he knew his partner very well, and to him, it was obvious that Doyle feared his days of street duty were over and then who would guard Bodie’s back?

 

That thought was like a cold slap in the face with a wet flannel.  Doyle had endured untold hours of pain, physical therapy, and meetings with Kate Ross, just to get back on the squad and be Bodie’s partner, and now . . . now it was Bodie walking away to a new life, not because of a career ending wound, but so he could join Jase in making individuals more safe, and, of course, for the money.  Bodie sighed as these thoughts passed through his mind.  He didn’t know why, but they made him feel vaguely guilty, which was ridiculous, since he had nothing to feel guilty about.  Doyle would do the same thing, if he had the chance.

 

Allowing Doyle to regain his breath and his equilibrium, Bodie walked out to the kitchen to get some digestive biscuits and some fresh juice that Bodie knew Doyle always kept in his frig.  As he handed one biscuit and the juice to his partner, he studied the beautiful face very carefully.  It was still slightly red, and somehow the recent coughing fit seemed to emphasize the implant that had been put in the broken right cheek.  Bodie continued to watch the animated face as Doyle took a delicate bite of the biscuit and a sip of the juice.  Then, as though perturbed by Bodie’s constant observation, Doyle looked up and asked, “You see something you don’t like?”

 

Bodie shook his head vigorously and stated affirmatively, “No, mate, you fit me fine, but I’ve never seen you wear a purple robe before, so tell me about it.”

 

“And just how did you know about me wearing a purple robe?

 

Bodie smiled one of his most wicked smiles.  One of the ones that had broken many a female heart, “Anna, of course, she was enamoured with my amazin’ physique and sparkling personality so I talked to her and definitely gave her the time of my day.”

 

Doyle stared into the blue eyes, not believing a thing.  Never at a loss for words, the clever tongued 4.5, muttered, “More like you were like a physic to her and she had to run to the loo every five minutes.”

 

Bodie put on his little boy pout and looked like he was terribly hurt, going so far as to stick out his lower lip.  His whole appearance never failed to make Ray feel sorry for what he said.

 

Doyle sighed and rubbed his tired eyes.  He had not told Bodie how badly shaken he had been when he thought for a moment while in that warehouse that Bodie was dead, either from the villain trying to run Bodie over or that Doyle had killed him with a live bullet that he had thought was blank.  Even though he had been wrapped in his bomber jacket, his slim body shuddered in horror, until he got to his partner who was lying in a prone position on the warehouse floor.

 

“There’s not that much to tell, you licentious monster.  It was purple, made of silk, and came down to my ankles.  All in all, it was quite luxurious; after all I’m not used to such luxury since I’ve had to settle for the dregs of humanity in order to have such a partner.”

 

“Hmmmmm, I would have loved to have seen it; I’ll buy you one just like it for Christmas.”  At that thought, Bodie realized that he would not be with CI5 by the time the Christmas season arrived.  Slightly embarrassed, Bodie quickly hopped onto another subject.  “You were sure one lucky sod to be able to get so close to our dear, blond Anna.  You don’t think Cowley was kind of sweet on her, do you?

 

Doyle went along with Bodie’s change in topic because his pounding heart couldn’t take the pain when reminded that Bodie wouldn’t be with Doyle at Christmas time.  “Nah, I doubt it.  After all that is just not the done thing, surely.”

 

Doyle had said the last phrase in a very haughty and high brow tone of voice which got the result he wanted: Bodie laughed. 

 

“Too bad you had to return the robe to wardrobe so that I couldn’t see it.”

 

Doyle stared for a moment debating what to say.  Finally, he whispered, “I didn’t return it; I told them it was slightly damaged, and they let me buy it for a good price.”

 

Bodie’s eyebrows shot up as the image of a naked Doyle prancing around in his flat with only the purple silk robe to cover his assets.  Bodie’s mouth began to drool at the thought.  Sitting silently for a few minutes, Bodie began sending silent thoughts to Doyle, hoping that the skinny man would read them.

 

Finally, when that didn’t seem to be working, Bodie tried a more direct approach, “Ta mate, I really need to use your loo, you suppose you could get the purple robe out while I’m in there and then show it to me?”

 

Doyle nodded his approval of the plan and Bodie made a B-line, directly to the loo.  When he left it feeling ready to take on anything, however, he was not prepared for what was lying on the bed.  There was Ray Doyle, clothed only in the purple robe, spread out across the snow white sheet with the duvet thrown back so that Doyle was completely on display.

 

Bodie’s mouth dropped open, while a bit of drool gently oozed down his lip.  For about three seconds, Bodie ogled this vision of his seducer, but quickly Bodie’s eyes travelled further down to notice that the lower part of the robe was not completely closed.  Bodie could clearly Ray’s weeping, red cock displayed in all its glory.

 

Bodie felt like he wanted to leap on the bed and have his wicked way with the gorgeous siren who paraded himself in front of him, but he also knew that that action might seriously undermine his resolve for leaving CI5 in the near future, so Bodie hesitated  . . . for about five seconds then he began to strip.

 

Grabbing the slender man, Bodie quickly began caressing the furry chest with his lips.  How he loved the smell of Doyle’s body:  when he was aroused, when he was sweaty, in fact any moment that he was around the most annoying, argumentative, lovable golli in the world.  The past few years, sharing his partner’s bed off and on had been some of the greatest moments of his life.  He had often regretted the pact that they had made that it would be sex only and no commitment, but he had never done anything to change the rules. 

 

Bodie lay there holding the slender man in a tight embrace, working his lips over Doyle’s most erotic tender points.  Bodie had made it a point to discover each and everyone in the three plus years that they had been having sex.  Doyle was a great lover, but that was what Bodie was trying to avoid.  He hadn’t had many lovers, even though his body had known many men and women in his thirty-three years.  The trouble was that every time he had trusted someone or committed himself to someone, they had turned against him, or had been lost.  No, not committing was the safest thing to do because quite frankly, he would not have been able to bear the idea of losing Doyle through death, or somehow betraying his trust.  It was better that he walk away, rather than Doyle and he making a commitment that ended badly.

 

Bodie continued to lay next to Doyle, breathing in the Doyle essence, trying to store it in his olfactory system so that he could bring it forth with just a memory for the years to come - - years that would be filled with being alone.  He had sometimes, while in Africa and other places “settled” for a body that would scratch the itch of need, but Bodie knew that leaving Doyle behind would mean leaving a great deal more of himself than just simple sex.  Every time he saw purple in the future, it would remind him of these moments with Doyle and his gorgeous body wrapped in the purple silk robe.

 

As dawn came peeking through the badly closed drape, Bodie struggled quietly to leave his partner’s side, but the warm body turned so that he was totally entwined with Bodie’s body.  Bodie sighed, this might be the last time that he would ever have this bliss, better make the most of it

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

OJUKA!

 

What a name and what a man, as Bodie drove the Capri up the drive towards the chaos that was a criminal investigation, Bodie thought about a lot of things including a civilian who could personally gun down two bad guys.  When Cowley had called them out, he had been with Phyllis or was it Patty, or maybe Penny, he really couldn’t remember, but he remembered every feature of the sexy, sleepy golli who ran to his car and their day began at this school where the now-dead assassins had disturbed the tranquillity.

 

Bodie’s contract was almost up, and yet he had not taken the final steps to sever his relations with CI5, Cowley, or, of course, his partner.  He knew that he would have to do so in the very near future.  He was usually not this indecisive, and he had never had this much problem moving on in the past.  Maybe Doyle already had his tentacles in Bodie’s body, and it would take more than just a few words to remove himself.  Surgery might be the answer, but was it worth the pain to do so? 

 

Walking up to George Cowley, the two partners saw Major Danby of SIS walk away.  It must be difficult to have to tell a woman that she was now a widow, but 3.7 and 4.5 were hardened agents who had seen many deaths and knew that the same fate could be awaiting them at any time.  They listened to Cowley’s briefing on what had occurred, and what their mission was.  Bodie had heard of Ojuka’s reputation from his days in Africa.  When Cowley gave Bodie the gun that Ojuka had used to kill his would-be assassins, Bodie recognized the proficiency that the man exhibited in dealing with the threat of death.  Still, the handsome black man was here to gain favours from the British government so he better do as Bodie and Doyle said.

 

The first safe house proved to be a disaster.  As Bodie sat in the car on the outside, Doyle’s teasing of his friend as a priapismic monster was one of the few light-hearted moments in a very long day.  Within minutes, both CI5 agents were fighting for their lives with Doyle once again saving Bodie’s life and commenting about Bodie using up his nine lives.

 

The whole mission seemed to go from bad to worse.  As Ojuka was being transported to a new safe house, they were attacked once again, and this time Doyle had to kill two assassins who were bent on killing everyone in Bodie’s Capri.  The three men immediately went to ground at a local hotel, after Doyle gave the receptionists a cock and bull story about being guppy salesmen.

 

Once again the banter between the two partners was natural and comforting.  It had been so long since it seemed as if they could work well together, but Doyle’s story about the guppy lost to the hungry cat earned him another one of Bodie’s nicknames:  Angelfish.

 

This time, however, his Angelfish was captured and almost killed.  Parker and another confederate had broken into the three adjoining rooms, using the receptionist as hostage.  The fight was over quickly because Doyle refused to risk the girl’s life, but Parker killed her anyway, leaving another death on Doyle’s conscience.

 

Dragging the CI5 agent into the car with Ojuka, Doyle was extremely grateful that Bodie had been given a separate assignment to keep surveillance on the house owned by the would-be traitor, John Avery.  Therefore, when Bodie saw Doyle and Ojuka being dragged into that same house a few hours later, Bodie knew his friend was in trouble, but more importantly, Doyle knew that Bodie was nearby.

 

Cowley had given Bodie orders to wait until further back-up arrived, but realizing that waiting might get his partner killed, Bodie moved in closer to the house, prepared to do whatever was necessary to save the life of the man who was so important to him, even though he didn’t want to admit it.

 

A shot rang out.  Bodie’s imagination ran riot with the possibility that Doyle had been killed.  With that fear, causing his stomach to drop and his heart to pound, Bodie moved in and began to kill anyone he saw.  Luckily Doyle soon joined him in the fray and within a few moments, it was all over with Cowley and the back-up team there to clean up the dead bodies and take Ojuka on to his meeting.

 

As the two agents stood watching Cowley driving away with Ojuka in tow, the words, “I wasn’t talking about Ojuka, sir,” still rang in the air.  Cowley had accused 3.7 of forgetting his duty to which Bodie asked the question, “How d’you think you’d feel if you let them get him?”

 

Cowley had totally miss-read the question when he responded, “My concern with Ojuka has got nothing to do with insubordination.”

 

Bodie’s reply could clearly be heard by the man standing nearby rubbing the skin on his wrists, “I wasn’t talking about Ojuka.”

 

Those few words made Doyle feel better, but now was not the time to question his partner about the meaning of the words.  His battle with Parker had exhausted him.  It hadn’t helped that Parker had hit the tied-up man in the stomach and worked him over.  Doyle needed some time to recuperate then he would tackle Bodie’s motives for his recent insubordination.

 

After the reports were written and turned in to the ever-efficient Betty, Bodie sat staring into space.  Very seldom did he and Doyle use their small office unless they were pounding away at the typewriter provided for their reports.  Doyle had sashayed off somewhere, but hadn’t told Bodie where he was going.  Bodie strongly suspected that his partner was in more pain than he would admit to, and had gone to seek out some medical advice.

 

The Ojuka case had shaken Bodie more than almost any other case the two partners had been on.  It was true that seeing the dying Doyle lying in his own pool of blood had to top the list, but the first few minutes as Bodie was racing up the fire escape and not knowing what had happened to Doyle were the worst part.  He had been confident that Doyle would pull through.  He never doubted that the stubborn golli would fight to live.  He had tried to get his partner to talk about those moments when Doyle was unconscious.

 

Bodie was no psychiatrist, but he had seen other men who had not been able to deal with serious wounds, who had just given up, and he was not about to let that happen to 4.5.  This case, however, was different.  That shot had terrified Bodie because he didn’t know what had happened to his partner; he could be lying dead, and it would have been partly Bodie’s fault for not moving in sooner.  Once again the ex-military man had to obey Cowley’s orders.  Bodie closed his eyes, his memory in torment over that gut searing moment when he thought he heard Doyle’s death bullet.

 

The fact that Doyle was alive and came out fighting scarcely alleviated the burden on the ex-merc’s shoulders.  He kept thinking to himself, if I just find Doyle alive I’ll . . ., but what was it he would do?  He had been the one who had set the rules for their physical relationship and Doyle had never seemed to question the parameters.  In fact, Doyle didn’t seem terribly upset about the fact that he was leaving.  Maybe, Bodie had read his partner’s feelings totally wrong?  Doyle was always the sentimental one, but this time he seemed to be maintaining his control very well.

 

Bodie tried to decide if he should track Doyle down.  After all, the man hadn’t exactly explained how he had got the burns on his wrists or what else Parker had done to him.  There had been a haunted look in the skinny sod’s eyes that Bodie didn’t like, but did he have any right to question Doyle if the man didn’t want to tell him?

 

In years past, Bodie knew that he would have persisted until Doyle would have read him out for his nosiness, but now their relationship seemed so far apart.  Bodie risked his job to save Doyle, but the comfort and closeness that they normally enjoyed was gone.

 

Talking to himself, Bodie whispered, “Bet the crud wants to be alone; better just forget it for tonight.  I’ll see him tomorrow and find out what happened.”

 

  

  1. Sleep was a long time coming, however, since the green eyes kept seeing the image of Bodie and Jase’s orgasmic ecstasy being played out against the backdrop of the darkened ceiling.
  



 

Without really realizing it, a bit of moisture slid down Doyle’s broken cheek as he felt the hurt and despair of losing Bodie began to overwhelm.  Silently he vowed to himself that if the moron wanted Jase then Raymond Doyle would do nothing to try and open the idiot’s eyes to the mistake he was making.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Bodie was leaving today.  All the parties had been held, all the presents had been given, and all the kisses (from the female personnel and a few male) had been lavished on the man going away.  Bodie had been with CI5 for over five years.  That in itself was a long time in this tough profession, but the going away, although most people had really tried, still seemed like a wake for a friend, who while not dead was still lost.

 

In the last weeks before Bodie’s exit, the days had been routine with little excitement.  Cowley had been free with rather lengthy leave for Bodie so that he could arrange his affairs, find a new flat, and deal with the thousand and one things that seemed to keep popping up to this man “who had always travelled light.”

 

Now everything was done, even George Cowley’s farewell was over with; only Doyle remained.  Bodie had been pounded on the back so much his shoulders hurt, he kept thinking that he would tell Doyle about all the kisses he got and all the pressies, but then he remembered, that his former partner would scarcely be interested in hearing about it.  He would have to tell Jase about all the goings on, but he wasn’t really sure that the former merc would be terribly interested.

 

Sighing, he had made the rounds, saying good-bye, but now he was looking for his partner . . . ex-partner.  Doyle had been exceedingly quiet and even more moody than usual.  Bodie told himself that he shouldn’t be surprised about that, but still he had hoped that Doyle had come to accept what had to be, and would attend all the festivities with good grace.  He should have known that that was unlikely.

 

Finally, after asking almost everyone in the building if they had seen Doyle, Fred who guarded the door, told Bodie that 4.5 had gone out to the car park several minutes before.  Suddenly, Bodie’s heart began to beat faster, _the crazy golli hadn’t left without saying a word, had he?_

Rushing out to the car park, he quickly spotted his new car.  Jase had insisted that an employee of SAVING LIVES had to have a new vehicle and not anything like a Capri or Escort or anything so common and mundane.  Bodie appreciated the gesture, but secretly he missed the silver Capri that he and Doyle had chased so many bad guys in.

 

Looking at his new silver XJ Jaguar, Bodie saw the once shiny car bedazzled with slogans. The first time he had seen it, it had reminded him of Doyle’s J series Jaguar that had been destroyed by Preston while trying to get his revenge against Doyle.  He had teased Doyle that the car was a relic, while Doyle had insisted it was a classic.

 

Well this silver beauty was brand new, but it didn’t look new since there were also signs hanging from the back.  The agents had really done a number on his new acquisition.  He read a few of them:  WATCH OUT FOR THE STUD, BEWARE: DANGEROUS MAN, etc., but he didn’t stop to read them all.  He didn’t see Doyle so he decided it was better to get out of there.  Entering the car, he saw a piece of notepaper lying on the left side bucket seat.  Picking it up, he knew who it was from.  Opening it very carefully, Bodie read:

 

 _To the best partner a man could ever have._

 _Be careful, Bodie.  You deserve the best.  Remember you work for a security firm now, so keep yourself secure.  CI5 won’t be the same without you._

 _Ray_

The back of Bodie’s throat and roof of the mouth ached with the pain those few words caused.  Damn the man!  If he had had Doyle there now, he would have . . .  what would he have done; probably something that would have embarrassed both of them?

 

Moving out carefully (there was no squealing the tyres with this lady) to go to Doyle’s flat to talk to him, he heard the pips from the mobile phone that Jase had insisted be put in the car.  Not really wanting to hear Jase, Bodie picked up the phone and said, “Yeah, what do you need?”

 

There was amusement in Jase’s voice as it came back over the phone, “Fine way to talk to your boss.  I want you to come on over to my apartment right now.  I have a small party planned to welcome you into the SAVING LIVES fold.  Expect you in thirty minutes.”

 

About to say that he really didn’t want to come, the phone clicked off.  About to ring Jase back, Bodie stopped his hand from making that gesture.  It was about time William Bodie faced the fact that he had started a new life, and it was time to act like it.  The people and the memories of the past were just that, and they had to stay in the past.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

 

Three months later, William Bodie walked into Jase Stephens’ office with the documents the man had requested.  It had taken Bodie awhile to settle in, but he had to admit that Jase’s firm did handle some pretty exclusive clients along with some individuals who were just plain pains in the arse.  Thanks to his CI5 training, Bodie had handled one and all with ease.  His diplomatic skills had made him popular with the _hoy polloy_ as well as the lesser mortals who tramped the earth.  Bodie figured that Jase had every reason to be pleased with his work, and since this was the first weekend since he had begun to work for SAVING LIVES that he didn’t have to work, he was looking forward to a change.  He had been in contact with Murphy several times and knew that the tall, handsome agent was now working off and on with the highly volatile 4.5.  Bodie wouldn’t admit it, but he wanted to hear more about what his former partner had been doing.

 

Jase read over the documents quickly, signing them immediately.  His sandy hair was glistening, and his boss seemed to be in a good humour.  Bodie stood quietly almost at attention until Jase looked up into Bodie’s deep blue eyes and noticed his rigid stance.  “At ease, Sargeant.”

 

Almost automatically Bodie started to go to parade rest or at least or whatever and then realized that Jase was lightly mocking him.  Bodie smiled at his long time friend then flopped into the large, comfy chair that sat behind him.

 

“This is really good, Bodie.  You certainly have justified my faith in you.  All of your recent assignments have been of a calibre that I would expect from you.  Keep it up, and we’ll be discussing partnership a lot earlier than after a six months trial run.”

 

“Thank you, Jase.  I’m still surprised about the calibre of agents you have working for you.  I thought I noticed a couple that had been at CI5 at one time.”

 

Jase laughed, “Of course, you have.  You don’t think I always let Mr. Cowley have the crème of the crop, do you, and now that I have you, my stable can only get better.”

 

Knowing Jase as well as Bodie did, he was not surprised by Jase’s crude phrasing of his last sentence.  Nevertheless, the words antagonized Bodie for no specific reason, but it did irritate him that he had been somewhat compared to a stud who would now bring in the fillies to be “serviced”.

 

Deciding to ignore Jase’s careless remark, Bodie stood, needlessly straightening his perfectly tailored suit.  Looking at his Rolex (faintly missing his Superman watch), Bodie looked up and smiled at the director of SAVING LIVES, “Well, Jase, if you don’t mind, I am off the time clock and I do have someone I’m going to meet in less than an hour.”

 

Jase studied him for several minutes, as if trying to decide what to do.  Finally, he seemed to decide, “I’m sorry that you’re going to be busy.  I was hoping that you and I could have dinner together and spend sometime in my apartment, talking about your promotion.”

 

Stunned, Bodie was barely able to put two words together so he asked, “Promotion?”

 

“Well, don’t look so surprised.  You must know how well you’ve been doing and how quickly I’ve come to rely on you.  With your knowledge of German and a few other languages, you’re a real find for the firm.  I’m thinking of making you my partner and announcing it in the next month.  That’s what I was hoping to discuss with you this evening, but if you have to go, don’t let me stop you.”

 

Bodie stood there staring, he really wanted to see Murphy and talk over old times, but as he had had to tell himself many times in the last three months, he had moved on, and Murphy would understand.  “Well, of course, if it’s something like that, I’ll be more than happy to talk to you.”  Putting on a smile that was rather forced, he waited for Jase to give him the information he would need.

 

Two hours later Bodie was seated comfortably in Jase’s magnificent lounge.  The apartment had everything that a man could want, including a computer hook-up that was second to none and would give CI5 a real run for its money.  Jase had been the perfect host, even offering Bodie a comfortable satin jacket so that he could relax and get out of his long worn suit jacket.

 

Bodie had declined the offer, but somehow found himself removing his jacket anyway because he had worn it for most of the day.  Several drinks later, the two men were feeling at ease and talking about old times.  The food that Jase kept giving him was delicious.  More than once Bodie had thought about how easy it would be to get used to this life style.

 

Bodie looked at his watch and realized that it was getting late, and they had not yet discussed the promotion that had been the reason for the meeting in the first place.

“Jase, it’s getting late.  Could we talk a bit about your thoughts about my promotion to partner?  I do have some money put aside if that would be necessary.  I don’t think it’s fair that I just move into the job without either more experience with the firm or, at least, contributing monetarily to the assets of the firm.”

 

Jase laughed, looking at the body of his friend in a much different manner than previously.  “Don’t worry about that, mate.  I promise you that you will be making quite a few contributions to the assets of the firm, as you put it.  In fact, you’re right, it is rather late.  Why don’t you bed down here for the night?  I have a big comfortable bed . . . in the guest room that you are welcome to use.  I’m sure I can find you all the appropriate necessities.”

 

For a moment a shiver ran through Bodie’s body at the possible meaning of Jase’s words, but he shook it off.  Jase knew very well that Bodie wasn’t here because of their physical past; he was here to do an important job and nothing else.  In a quiet but barely controlled voice, Bodie said, “I’m sorry, Jase, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.  I want to get to the office early tomorrow.  Remember, the Oppenheimer case might come to a head, and I want to be there since you gave it to me to control.  Besides me getting up might bother you and we wouldn’t want that, do we?”

 

Jase stared at his friend, torn between making a big deal of the invitation and letting it go.  It was perfectly obvious that Bodie was not yet ready to fall into line, but it wouldn’t take much more, if Jase played his cards right.  Smiling, he stood up, and walked over to Bodie and patted him on the shoulder, “You’re absolutely right, my friend, with you on the payroll, I can relax and show up to the office at a decent hour instead of around dawn like I used to.  I promise we’ll talk about you moving up, in the very near future.”

 

Saying good night, Bodie left quickly, his blue eyes displaying a faintly haunted look.  Shrugging his shoulders, he realized that Jase’s behaviour tonight was different from his carefully controlled treatment of Bodie in the last several months.  The two men had split up after Jordan on very good terms, but Bodie wanted to be sure that Jase had not fallen under the false impression that Bodie wanted anything more from him than the partnership that he had been promised.

 

The next morning the Oppenheimer case broke and several agents earned their pay for the month by saving the life of the man they were guarding.  By 11.00 hours the whole thing was wrapped up and Bodie was sitting at his desk, reading the reports on what had occurred.  Bodie looked up to see Jase just entering his own office and waved at him.  Expecting Jase to come over and shoot the breeze with him, as he usually did, Bodie instead heard the sound of the expensive television set blaring out in Jase’s office.

 

Wandering next door to tell Jase about the success of the Oppenheimer case, Bodie turned his head to see Jase concentrating on a news event that had pre-empted the regular programming.  Jase was a junkie for news; he constantly said that it was the life’s blood of the security business.  Bodie hadn’t thought much about it since George Cowley had demanded that all his agents keep up with the news on a regular basis.  Bodie, therefore, had just decided he would return to his office and talk to Jase later when he heard some words that stopped him in his tracks. 

 

Just then Jase seemed to notice Bodie, and motioned him forward.  There seemed to be a glow on his face as he watched the drama play out.  “Hey, it seems some nutter was threatening to explode a nerve gas right in the middle of Battersea Power Station Park, but some of your lads stopped him.  They had a tank out there and everything.  I’ll bet Cowley puts a D-Notice on the whole thing, but in that public a place, he won’t be able to keep the lid on it long.”

 

Bodie stood there staring at the telly, barely understanding what Jase was nattering on about.  His body felt like it had been hooked up to a 20,000 volt generator as his nerve ends began to prickle.  Finally, after a few seconds, Bodie mumbled something like “Excuse me,” and rushed out of Jase’s office.  Jase turned around to look at the rapidly fleeing Bodie, shrugged, and then returned to watching the wind up of the drama at Battersea.

 

Hours later, Bodie practically crawled to the door of his expensive, SAVING LIVES - issued apartment.  It was everything that the CI5 flats never were.  It had running water that stayed hot as long as you wanted; it had lifts that always worked, and it had the most amazing king-size bed that Bodie had ever seen, but, at the moment, he would have traded it and everything he owned to know exactly what had occurred at Battersea. 

 

He had called Murphy to find out what was going on, but the handsome 6.2 was unavailable so Bodie left a message.  Had Ray been involved in the case with the nutter?  Why couldn’t someone at CI5 just tell him if Ray was all right?  They had treated him like he was an outsider!!!  At this thought Bodie dropped his head and stared at the floor, only now recognizing the impact that not renewing his contract would make on his life.

 

Walking into the spacious kitchen, Bodie thought for the hundredth time since he had moved that it was ridiculous to have so much room in a kitchen when he was usually on the go, or ate out or did takeaway.  Grimacing to himself, he realized that the probably had very little in the frig, but hopefully there was something frozen.  Maybe Doris or was it Doreen, or Dora or whatever had left something in there the last time she had been here.

 

In the last three months, Bodie usually came home feeling too tired to do anything so he kept a long list of restaurant pamphlets available for perusal.  He seldom saw anyone and if he did his hours with SAVING LIVES quickly curtailed any relationship.  He had expected Jase to ask him to go to their favourite restaurant, but Jase seemed to have changed from the days when the two men had gone out frequently.  The thought came to Bodie’s mind that maybe all this previous attention had been a ploy on Jase’s part to get Bodie “in his stable” and now he didn’t have to do that.

 

Collapsing on his beautiful sofa while he waited for the restaurant to deliver, Bodie wiped his face.  The tension over the events at Battersea had knotted all the muscles in his back so that they were extremely tender to the touch.  He had remembered the time he had been stabbed in a tower while investigating a killing in Black Town.  He had been delirious for days, but he could remember very clearly one thing:  Doyle’s face and the tears that he was trying to hold back as he walked next to Bodie’s gurney.

 

Bodie couldn’t ever remember one other person who had cried over injuries done to him.  Even Doyle’s words, “Oh, Bodie, you half-Irish son-of-bitch, what did you go and do that for?” had made a lasting impression on the ex-merc who had always worried about number one and had fought tooth and nail to remain independent of anyone, and now here was that scrawny, moody, sentimental golli crying about him.

 

A ringing of the doorbell brought Bodie back to the present.  Expecting the delivery person, Bodie reached into his pocket for his wallet as he opened the door.  It was Murphy, however, instead of the delivery boy.  Bodie stood there stunned.  He had left his new address with Murph, but he had never expected to see him.  Immediately, fear gripped Bodie’s entire body - - why would Murph be here unless . . . unless something awful had happened?  Speechless, he motioned the tall agent into the apartment.

 

Finally, Bodie noticed that Murphy was carrying his takeaway order.  Murph smiled which relieved Bodie’s apprehension slightly.  Taking the food from Murphy, Bodie handed him the money that was owed.

 

Murphy’s eyebrows shot up as he said, “Well, that’s a change; usually I have to beg and plead for months to get paid back.  I saw the delivery guy and I figured that you might invite me to dinner, if I was a good boy?”

 

Bodie smiled, “And are you a good boy?”

 

“Of course, that’s what everyone in CI5 says, besides I’m here bringing news.”

 

For the next several minutes the two men quickly laid out all the goodies on the expensive, antique table, then they sat down to eat.  Murphy did justice to the many choices, but for once Bodie seemed hesitant to eat.  He knew that Doyle must be all right, otherwise Murphy would have said something right away, but why wasn’t Murphy telling him instead of feeding his face?

 

Finally, Murphy seemed to be full so he began to explain.  “If Cowley ever finds out that I told you, I’ll be in files for the rest of me natural life, but when I got your message, I figured you deserved to know what had happened.  The whole case is pretty much wrapped up so the bare facts will be appearing in print in a few days.”

 

Bodie felt a headache coming on and Murphy droned on.  In fact, Bodie was on the verge of letting out a scream and throttling the large agent when Murphy took pity and told the story.  As Murphy completed the tale, Bodie felt drained by the images of Doyle running across the open field after a sniper had shot the uniformed man dead.  They were withholding his name, but Murphy said it was Lawson and the man had felt such guilt over the loss of some of his men in NATO war games that he had decided to use the supposedly “forbidden” poison gas against the population of London.

 

Doyle’s trim, runner’s body had made it to the fallen canister and then thrown it to Murphy who was waiting on top of a tank to dispose of it.  It all went to perfection, and Doyle was the real hero of the day.  He had spotted a blind spot and had called it to Cowley’s attention.  Euphoria spread throughout the military assembled there to watch CI5 handle the situation, and everybody seemed ecstatic that the danger was past.  Only one man seemed to be less than thrilled:  Ray Doyle.  He stood watching the corpse of the fallen soldier for quite awhile and then walked off the field, ignoring all the congratulatory remarks, and pats.

 

“I went back to headquarters with Cowley, but Doyle had already been there, written his report and gone.  I thought I would try and find him, but Cowley said to leave him alone.  It had been a hard day and Doyle needed some time to himself.  That’s when I got your note so I thought I would come and see you.”

 

Murphy stopped talking, but he continued to examine Bodie’s reaction to the amazing story.  He had known Bodie and Doyle for a very long time, and he suspected what Bodie leaving CI5 had done to Doyle, but now he could see what it had done to Bodie.  As much as he was here to praise Doyle, he was here to let Bodie vent his feelings.

 

Murphy was less than pleased, however, when Bodie shook his head and smiled, “Should have known that the golli wouldn’t need me.  He’s the best, and I hope Cowley recognizes it, but how come he was crazy enough to throw such a valuable parcel to you?”

 

Murphy didn’t hesitate as he replied, “4.5 announced to me and everyone that I was so large that he couldn’t possibly miss me.”

 

Bodie laughed briefly then remarked, “Sounds just like my former partner.  Never pulls his punches.”

 

Murphy sat there for a moment, not knowing what to say, but he figured, it was always safe to ask for another beer.  Bodie quickly got him one and then sat down next to his old friend, “So, everything’s goin’ okay, is it?  You workin’ with Doyle now?”

 

“Yeah, sometimes, sometimes Jax, but it hasn’t been easy.  You know Doyle; he’s never easy on you and even harder on himself.”

 

Bodie was disturbed to hear that.  “You know I always said that he’d feel guilty about everything, even the invention of gun powder, but he’ll get over it.  After all with you and Jax to work with, he’ll have the best guarding his back.”

 

“Are you sure that you’re William Bodie?  I don’t think I’ve every heard a compliment comin’ from those lips, but thanks.”  Hesitating for a moment as if trying to decide how to phrase his next words, Murphy continued, “The only trouble is that we are kind of short on healthy agents right now so Doyle has been assigned to an agent from the group that has just finished their training.  Cowley figures that all of the veterans are going to need to train these agents pretty fast.  I’ve got a person named Neal Gresham, and Doyle has . . . Percival Coltrane.”  Murphy stopped and looked at Bodie preparing to see Bodie’s reaction, and it wasn’t long in coming.

 

“PERCIVAL COLTRANE, what kind of “hello Henry” is that?  How did Doyle take it?”

 

“He didn’t say much except that, if Coltrane called him Curly one more time he was going to thump him.”

 

Bodie laughed, sounded just like his part . . . ex-partner.  “Well what do you know about this Coltrane?  Is he Army?”

 

“No, he worked in security for awhile, but that’s about all I know.  He’s a good looking enough, and certainly seems willing.  I think it was love at first sight when he saw Doyle.”

 

Bodie frowned as if a thunderstorm was moving overhead, “What’d you mean by that?”

 

“Just that Coltrane, even though he risks his life by calling 4.5, Curly, really seems to worship Ray.  I suspect, if Doyle doesn’t kill Coltrane in the next few weeks, they might become very good friends.”

 

Bodie’s mouth began to form a pout as he thought back to his first few days with Doyle.  Doyle wasn’t the easiest man to work with, but gain his trust and he would do anything for you, even throw away his life.  That thought devastated Bodie.  He looked up at Murphy, “Doyle’s the best, Coltrane is lucky to have him as his partner.”

 

“Yeah, I guess he is, but something’s not right.  Ray just doesn’t seem the same.  You know he’s always stayed on the outside, but he’s even more that way now.  You don’t hear two words out of him in the restroom.  I sure hope Coltrane can do the job of protecting his back.”

 

At those words, Bodie’s head shot up, a questioning frown lurking on his face, “Why shouldn’t he be able to, after all he’s been trained by CI5?”

 

“Yeah, I know, but he seems a bit too eager to please, both Cowley and Doyle.  Sometimes being too _gung ho_ , doesn’t get you killed, but it doesn’t help your partner.”

 

Silence reigned in the apartment for several seconds then Murphy stood up as he began to clear away the remains of the clutter from the food.  Bodie stopped him by saying, “You don’t have to do that, Murph.  Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it.  I hope you don’t mind if I call you once in awhile . . . you know just to find out how everything is going.” 

 

The insecurity in Bodie’s voice was readily apparent to Murphy, as he nodded while

moving towards the door.  “That’s great, love to hear from you, and, of course, share all this new found wealth that is on display.”  Murphy stopped and stared at his friend; his perception of the man’s unhappiness hidden.  He knew he shouldn’t, but he had to ask, “Have you tried to talk to Ray in the past couple of months?”

 

Bodie stared at the taller man, admiring his audacity.  For just a moment, he felt his anger growing so quickly that he was preparing to retaliate when he realized that Murph had his best interests at heart so all he said was, “Good night, Murph.”

 

William Bodie stood staring at the trash from the food that he and Murphy had eaten.  All his life, he had been trained to keep a clean and neat domicile, whether it was in the jungle, in the barracks, or in a flat, but, at this moment, he could not face one more moment of regimen, of military routine, so he left the clutter there to pick up tomorrow.  Right now he had a lot of thinking to do about the ever widening abyss that was opening before him.

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

 

Autumn came and went.  Jase had kept Bodie busy with various trips abroad in which his language expertise was needed.  He had also become a valuable consultant on various types of security.  At first, Jase seemed to want to flaunt the fact that SAVING LIVES had former CI5 agents working there, but Bodie quickly scotched that idea much to Jase’s dismay.  He had teasingly said in front of some other employees, “What’s the good of having a CI5 agent in your stable if you can’t broadcast it?”

 

The other agents laughed at the small joke, but Bodie was not happy to hear Jase’s use of the government organization in that manner.  Bodie tried several times to speak to Jase about his lack of discretion when mentioning CI5, but each time Jase seemed to shove the idea aside, much like he shoved the discussion of Bodie’s partnership into the background.

 

Finally, after almost six months, Bodie came up for his first review.  This was a real stepping stone to further advancement.  As the two men sat across from each other in Jase’s office, the ambience was comfortable and professional.  It was obvious that Jase was pleased with Bodie’s capabilities because he scored him at the highest levels in all the major categories, but yet there seemed to be something missing, and Bodie wanted to know what it was.

 

“Jase, thanks so much for the great marks I got on my report.”

 

“Don’t thank just me.  There were quite a few others who signed off on this document.  You’ll make a fine security agent.”

 

“But,” Bodie questioned.

 

Jase leaned his head sideways much as he had done in Jordan when he was trying to convey something to Bodie that was very difficult to deal with.  “Bodie, you and I have been friends for more than 15 years, and even closer than that physically, which makes me wonder.”

 

“Wonder what, Jase?”

 

“Well, I hate to be crude, but what would it take to get you in my bed again?”

 

For a moment there was utter silence that was cold as an ice house.  Deep blue eyes stared into Jase’s brown eyes, locking their stares together until the brown eyes dropped. 

 

Bodie was trying to hold back his anger and hurt.  So this was what it was all about.  He should have known.  Jase Stephens never did anything without thinking out the percentages, the dangers, and the profits, and in this case the rewards:  Bodie’s arse available whenever he wanted and in return  for a partnership!

 

Clearing his throat, Bodie enunciated clearly, “I thought I had made it plain that that was over.  We were good with each other once.  You made life more bearable in Jordan and the other little hell holes we worked in, but I do not want to have sex with you, just to keep my job or get a promotion.”

 

Clearly Jase had misjudged his friend’s thinking, but it also irritated him that he had done so much for Bodie in recent months and the man seemed to be totally ungrateful.  Jase’s previously controlled temper which hovered just below furious made him bold and careless.  The last time that he had dealt with his friend, William Bodie had been a nineteen year old relatively-new recruit who was open to new experiences, new ideas, training, and most importantly how to get along and move up in the rough world of mercenaries. 

 

 _Maybe he thinks that since he was CI5, he doesn’t have to cut a deal with anyone.  I’ll bet he was more than just a partner with that sex-pot Doyle.  Now there’s a man who fills his jeans like a wet dream!_

Those were Jase’s thoughts when he made the biggest miscalculation of his life as he said, “Yeah, but I bet you didn’t hesitate to have sex with that curly haired, walking wet dream, did you?”

 

For a moment, Jase thought that Bodie wouldn’t be able to control his anger.  Bodie had thrown back the chair as he stood almost nose to nose with Jase even though the older man was still seated at his desk, faintly cowering in the depths of the thick cushions, but after several seconds, Jase noticed that Bodie seemed to recover himself even though his whole demeanour became even more menacing.

 

Then standing almost at attention, Bodie said in a very controlled voice, “You don’t have the right to question my behaviour except as it deals with my job.  It’s none of your business.  I’ve already told you that I took this job for one reason and one reason only, and if you want more from me than that, you can have my resignation . . . NOW.”

 

Jase hastily beat a retreat from his abrasive words, “Bodie, Bodie, I’m sorry.  You’re right I have no right to question your life outside of this office.  I made a mistake, please forgive me.  Put it down to 15 years of missing you and being stupid at the same time.  Of course, you are in line to be a partner, with no strings attached.”

 

Bodie backed up, stood briefly at ease, looking at the man he thought he had known, and then turned the large chair upright.  His demeanour still showed the fury that ran through his body, but he was totally under control.  Sitting back down, he asked, “Is there anything else you would like to discuss, because, if there isn’t, I have several appointments waiting.”

 

Jase seemed to give a sign of relief that the erupting volcano that had almost blown its top off had been derailed.  Jase had learned a valuable lesson: he was going to have to handle his old friend much more carefully in the near future.  “No, I don’t think so, but I would appreciate it if you would keep me updated on the McKinsey case.  He’s an old friend, and I like to keep a personal eye on all of his needs.”

 

Bodie gave a shallow smile, his eyes hardening slightly.  _I’ll just bet you do._  “That’s fine, I’m seeing him tomorrow to give him a further update about the conference.  I’ll update you after that.”

 

“Great!”  Jase stood at that point so Bodie took it as a sign of dismissal.  Quite frankly, he was relieved, because this behaviour by Jase had become a red flag in his relationship with this organization, and maybe, just maybe, he had made a major mistake.  Definitely, the thought of a partnership had become less attractive.

 

The next several days demonstrated that Jase had seemed to have learned his lesson, he was total business whenever Bodie came to him to discuss the McKinsey case or any other individual, but something had been lost, at least it seemed that way to Bodie, but he wasn’t sure if Jase saw it that way.

 

Jase’s crude question brought other incidents to mind for Bodie.  In Jordan, the two men had been fighting for their lives, and the small comfort their bodies could give to each other was important, but now while they were still engaged in a dangerous business, it wasn’t the same, and the fact that Jase seemed to think that they could take up where they had left off fifteen years before was faintly offensive.

 

Bodie’s sense of commitment had always been a problem, and entering into any type of commitment, even a business one, did not sit well with the ex-merc, but Bodie had given up CI5 and Ray Doyle to try and change his life.  Maybe, this experiment with commitment would work, he had told himself, but it appeared he had allowed himself to be fooled once again.  Only one relationship in his entire life had seemed to make him content, and he had thrown that away.  Perhaps, he deserved to spend the rest of his life . . . lonely.  One thing that Bodie had quickly learned . . . to his obvious dismay: Jase could not be trusted.

 

Nevertheless, Bodie continued to do his security job and do it very well.  His training in the military and in CI5 had worked to his benefit.  He was known as a man who did not suffer fools gladly, but could be counted to get results.  As usual, however, he remained a loner and thanks to Jase’s earlier boasts about bringing a CI5 man on board, Bodie was looked upon with suspicion and a minimum of trust.

 

Bodie had become used to the men making small snide remarks behind his back, but after having left CI5 almost nine months before, he had pretty much assumed that the office scuttlebutt about his background had died to a dull roar.  Therefore, as he was walking past a group of agents, he ignored them as usual until he heard the phrase, “Well, I guess those CI5 agents aren’t so great after all; think of it two CI5 men dead and another serious.  I guess even they can’t walk on water, if they would walk into an ambush like that.”

 

Bodie badly wanted to approach the men and demand any more information they had, but he didn’t get along with them so they would probably just clam up.  Fortunately, another of the agents in the tight little group took up the story.

 

“I’ve haven’t heard much about it.  When did this happen?”

 

“Two days ago and I’m not sure that you would hear much since there is a D-Notice issued for it.”

 

“Well then how did you hear about it?  Jase told me.  You know he’s real close with the bigwigs that govern our lives, and he found out from one of them.”

 

“And, what’d he do, call you into his office to give you the personal low down?”

 

“Nah, nothing like that, he made me wait in his outer office while he was on the phone.  These little pink ear holes can pick up a voice at 100 yards so I listened to his conversation.”

 

“You’ll get your severance papers if you get caught listening in.”

 

“Well, he shouldn’t talk so loud besides no body was in the outer office but me.”

 

“Well, what else did he say?”

 

“He seemed to be almost laughing about something, but I couldn’t tell what.  That’s why I didn’t really know what was going on until I heard him mention some terrorists and some poor kid they hanged.”

 

At that point, someone threw in the observation that all terrorists ought to be hanged as well, then the group seemed to be breaking off, but Bodie was long gone by that time because as soon as he heard that Jase had known about the ambush two days before, he rushed to his former partner’s office and burst in, completely ignoring the efforts of Stephens’ secretary to stop him.

 

Jase read the look on Bodie’s face and immediately dismissed the minion who was grovelling as his every word.  Since the conversation several months ago, Jase had played it very low key with Bodie.  The Bodie standing there in the dark blue, perfectly tailored suit was not the young ruffian he had known in Jordan.  This Bodie had a mind of his own, and since he had turned down Jase’s proposal of sex, Jase was no longer sure if he really wanted Bodie on his team, but the man had been doing an excellent job and was a real asset, at least in business, if not in bed.

 

Offering Bodie a drink which the tall, dark-haired quickly declined, Jase asked, “What’s the matter, Bodie?  Has one of the cases gone south?”

 

“No, I want to know what you know about the recent death of two CI5 agents and an injury to another due to terrorists.”

 

Now Jase leaned back in his chair, looking extremely bored, his face screwed up into a grimace and then a look of confusion as he replied, “Why should I know anything?”

 

“Because I heard that you’ve been spreading it around for the last couple of days, and you haven’t said a thing to me?”

 

“Why should I?  You’re no longer with CI5, your focus should be on your job and this company, not those elite policemen who don’t always work wonders.”

 

“I’m not interested in debatin’ CI5’s value with you.  Do you know the names of the agents that were killed or the one injured?”

 

 _Oh, so that’s it.  He’s been with us for nine months and it’s still CI5 that worries him, or is it that sweet hunk of meat, Ray Doyle?_

“Bodie, can I offer you a word of friendly advice.  You don’t work for CI5 anymore; it would be in your best interest to be more interested in SAVING LIVES and its personnel than what is in the past, don’t you think?”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?  I’ve been carrying my weight, and doing my job, but when I hear that some CI5 agents have been killed, I can’t forget that I might know them, and you should have been aware of that.  It wouldn’t have hurt you to mention it to me since you’d know that CI5 is still a concern of mine.”

 

Jase’s brown eyes narrowed into malevolent slits as he asked, “Is it CI5 or Ray Doyle that you’re interested in?”

 

Bodie stood up straight, rigid in his fury, “This isn’t the time to talk about that, just tell me if you heard the names of the three agents who were involved?”

 

“As a matter of fact, my informant didn’t know too many details, but just something about a man named Cookie or Cook or something like that and that your FORMER partner was somehow involved, but he didn’t know how.”

 

Jase stopped there looking up at the tall man.  Jase’s handsome features were distorted by the smugness that revealed his less than sincere sympathy for what had happened.  Bodie reacted immediately.  Without saying another word, he raced out of the door to find a phone.  He would call Murphy and find out what his curly-haired ex-partner had got himself into now.

 

Two hours later he had still not reached Murphy or Cowley.  The operator was new to CI5 and was not at all impressed with the fact that she was talking to the legendary 3.7.  She would neither confirm nor deny any rumours about an ambush that had injured CI5 operatives.  The best that Bodie could do was obtain her promise to tell Murphy to call the former CI5 agent.

 

The next several hours were the longest that Bodie had had to endure except for the time that he waited to find out if Doyle would live after hours of surgery to remove two slugs from Mayli’s gun.  He kept telling himself that there was no proof that Doyle was injured, but he did recognize the name, Cook.  Doyle had recruited him into CI5, and even if Doyle wasn’t hurt, he would be alone and having to deal with the death of his friend.

 

Since the hour was nearing the time that he went home, Bodie was debating whether to stay at the office or go home to await further word.  Fortunately, the phone rang at that point and Bodie had it in his hands in less than one second.  He heard the familiar sound of his friend, Murphy.  Bodie had known Murphy for most of the five years that he had been with CI5, he could hear the exhaustion and tension in his voice.

 

Into the stillness, Bodie heard, “Bodie, are you there?”

 

Realizing that he had been lost in thought, Bodie recovered enough to reply, “Yeah, I’m here.  What’s happened?  I heard there was an ambush; is Ra . . . everybody all right?”

 

Murphy released a sigh, his voice shaking with obvious grief, “No, not everybody’s all right.  We lost Cookie, and Reynolds and Allison are so badly wounded we don’t know if they’ll make it.”

 

Bodie sighed quietly, but Murphy could still hear it over the phone.  “How’s Doyle taking it?”

 

For a moment, Murphy hesitated then replied, “Not good.  You know he was close to Cookie, recruiting him like he did.  He gave himself the job of telling June, and to put in frankly, it did not go very well.  June really laid a number on Ray.  I couldn’t really get him to talk about it, but when he came back to headquarters after the visit, his eyes were red, and his skin was as pale and sickly looking as I’ve ever seen it.”

 

“Where is he now?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“YOU’RE HIS PARTNER, YOU SHOULD KNOW!”

 

“Calm down, Bodie, I’m not his partner remember I told you he’s sort-of-partnered with that new guy, Percival Coltrane.  I tried to talk to Ray, but he looked so out of it, I don’t know where he went to.”

 

“Well, where’s Coltrane; is he with Ray?  What do ya mean, he’s sort of Doyle’s partner?”

 

“Not likely, after Doyle almost took his head off in a recent training exercise.  It took both Towser and Macklin to pull that scrawny guy off of poor Coltrane.”

 

“Why did Ray do that?”

 

“Don’t really know, but somebody said that Coltrane was complaining afterwards that he and Doyle seemed to be working together so great that while they were practicing,  Coltrane mentioned that he had talked to Cowley about making Doyle his permanent partner.  All of a sudden Doyle went off his nutter and started wiping up the mat with the new man.”

 

Bodie closed his eyes, seeing the slender, athletic body of Ray Doyle taking after the new agent.  The kid was lucky he was alive.  Suddenly, he had a headache and didn’t want to talk to Murphy anymore, but he had to ask, “So Doyle is home?”

 

“I guess he is; he’s on suspension for taking out after Coltrane.  I tried to call him, and even went over to his flat, but he’s not answering his buzzer.  I’m not even sure if he would answer his R/T right now.”

 

“Okay, Murph thanks for callin’ and lettin’ me know.  If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.”

 

Bodie put down the phone and stared at the floor for several minutes then he looked up and unseeingly let his eyes wander around his office.  His thoughts were so loud in his head that they seemed to be shouting at him, _It is all your fault.  You ran out on Doyle just as you’ve run out at every commitment in your life, and look what it’s done to you and even more importantly to Doyle.  It’s your fault, now do something about it._

 

With those thoughts in his mind, Bodie stood up and wandered over to the huge windows that allowed him to look out at London, _You’ve done some pretty stupid things in your lifetime, Bodie mate, but this is the biggest.  Look at this place, you don’t belong here.  Ray Doyle is the most important person in your life and your world, what are you going to do to help him?_

Releasing the tie that was suddenly strangling him, Bodie looked around and then began to neatly organize the cases that he was responsible for.  Putting them in the pretentious brief case that he had purchased nine months ago, he headed towards Jase’s office.

 

After hearing the brief knock, Jase yelled, “Come,” expecting to see a very different person, Jase was surprised that it was Bodie and he was seething.  Jase knew that Bodie had come to do battle, but he wasn’t sure what for this time.

 

Bodie threw the case files on Jase’s desk, and glowered at his former friend with a facial expression that said he was an afternoon thunderstorm coming in to break over Jase’s head.  “Why did you let me think that Ray was involved in the ambush, that he might have been wounded?”

 

“I didn’t; I told you that I had heard he had been involved in some way, but I didn’t know how.”

 

Bodie frowned, since he just knew that Jase had meant to upset Bodie with the thought that Ray might have been killed, and even worse Bodie hadn’t been there, but he said nothing, just frowned some more.

 

Jase couldn’t figure out what the big deal was, but he thought he knew a way to divert Bodie’s obvious anger so he blurted out without really thinking, “I’m glad you’re here.  Sit down because I want to talk to you about how well you’ve done with us, and about making you a full partner.”

 

Bodie suddenly rose to his feet even though he had just sat down.  Shoving his face in Jase’s, he bellowed, “I don’t want to be your partner; I had the best partner in the world, and I let him down and ran away like I always do.  Here are my case files; I’m resigning as of this moment.  So you can take your so-called partnership and shove IT wherever is most uncomfortable.”

 

With those words Bodie turned and stormed out of the office, not even hearing Jase’s yells of derision at the audacity of his former employee.  Bodie had already decided he would go see Doyle, but first he had something else to do.

 

 

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDD

Bodie stood looking at the building which contained Doyle’s flat.  The ex-merc was surprised that Doyle still lived here because it had always been Cowley’s policy to move agents around every six to nine months or so.  _I might be lucky and get that old darlin’, Mrs. Carruthers to let me in, if Doyle won’t._

Sure enough after banging on Doyle’s buzzer in his special code for several minutes, Mrs. Carruthers opened the door and took a step out.  She noticed Bodie right away as her face lit up in a smile.  In a squeaky voice she blurted forth, “Oh Mr. Bodie, it is so good to see you.  It’s been so long, and Mr. Doyle has been missing you ever so much.  He is such a dear, sweet boy, but I am worried about him.  He just doesn’t seem the same since you left.”

 

These simple words made Bodie feel a lot better.  _Maybe that frickin’ sod does feel somethin’ for me and this will be easier than I thought._ It was hard to imagine Doyle as a dear, sweet boy, but Bodie had to admit to himself that he had missed the moody ex-copper, and it wasn’t until the last few weeks that he had realized the depth of his loneliness.

 

Bodie turned on all his charm and smiled at Mrs. Carruthers, “It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Carruthers.  You stay away from that man in number 4; he’s a real heartbreaker, and you must know that I want you all to meself?”

 

Mrs. Carruthers wizened face broke out in a smile as she gently squeezed Bodie’s forearm, “Oh Mr. Bodie, how you do go on.  You go see your friend, ‘cause I have to do some shoppin’, but when I return, I hope you and Mr. Doyle will join me in a cup of tea.”

 

The wistful look on the older woman’s face seemed so unhappy that Bodie readily agreed that both men would be there.  Now all he had to do was convince Doyle to accompany him.

 

Bodie stood knocking at Doyle’s door for several minutes with no answer.  He knew that Ray was in there because his car was outside.  _He must be tryin’ to avoid me, but it ain’t goin’ to work ‘cause I’m goin’ to stay here until he answers the door._

 

After several more minutes of pounding the door finally opened.  Doyle looked a pale image of the man that Bodie remembered so well.  Frankly, the usually feisty golli looked pale and washed out.  He looked as if he didn’t care, and couldn’t even be bothered to be upset with Bodie.

 

Suddenly, Bodie was hesitant, this was not the Doyle that he knew or understood.  In the past, even when Doyle was angry, or moody, or upset by something, there was some life in those superb green eyes, now there was nothing.  _What had June Cook said to him?_

Finally, Bodie found his voice and asked, “Can I come in?”

 

Doyle stared for a moment then waved his visitor in without really seeming to care one way or another.  Usually the scrawny, auburn haired agent would offer his friend a lager or something, but this time, Doyle just went over to a large overstuffed chair and flopped into it, spreading his long legs out, his whole body speaking of utter despair.

 

Bodie made himself at home after going to the frig to get two lagers.  Sitting one down next to Doyle’s chair, Bodie sat down on the settee, opened the can, and took a large drink since his throat now seemed very parched; besides, it gave him a few extra seconds to think what he was going to say.

 

He knew that he had to make Doyle give a damn or this visit would fail, but what could he say?  It seemed strange to be so uncomfortable with Doyle, but he had to try.

“I’m sorry about the ambush.”

 

Green eyes burned into his body, but Doyle said nothing, so Bodie tried again.  “How long are you suspended for?”

 

Doyle’s eyes flickered slightly, but still no words were spoken.  Bodie sighed; he was getting angry now.  Of course, Doyle felt bad, but this was the man who felt guilty over everything so something had to be done, so Bodie tried again, “Why didn’t you try to stop me from leavin’ the mob?”

 

Now there was a flame burnin’ in the green orbs that seemed to penetrate like a laser to his very soul.  _Maybe that got him goin’?_ __

Suddenly, Doyle shouted, “Oh, so now it’s my fault, is it?  Just like you to blame me.  Well, I’ll tell you right now, MATE; I didn’t try and stop you ‘cause I didn’t care.”  Doyle jumped up from the chair and began to pace around the room.  Coming back to the chair, he picked up the can of lager, opened it, and swallowed it in one swallow.  This seemed to revive his anger because he twirled around with such rapid movement that felt Bodie dizzy; then, Doyle started in again.

 

“You make me sick.  Five years of partnership meant nothing to you.  It was Jase this and Jase that.  Well, you got what you wanted:  a fancy new car, a partnership, and that bastard in your bed, so don’t come whingin’ to me.  Don’t feel sorry for me; just go back and be the cuckold of that baby-killin’ ex-merc, if that’s what you want.”

 

Doyle stood there:  his face was red; he was breathing as if he couldn’t get enough air, and his beautiful hands were on his slender hips in a stance that seemed to defy Bodie to take a punch.

 

Suddenly, Bodie smiled as he whispered, “I’ve quit Jase’s business.”

 

For a moment, Doyle stood there with an expression on his face that seemed to say, “And is that supposed to impress me?”  Finally, Doyle shrugged and said, “What, you couldn’t please him enough or what?”

 

“Ray, I haven’t had sex with Jase in 15 years; I didn’t leave CI5 because I wanted to go to bed with him.  I told you that, but you’re so stubborn and blind, you wouldn’t believe me.”

 

“Sure, sure, blame me.  Well, what are you here for, if it isn’t to lord it over me about your new life?”

 

“I’m sorry about Cook.  I know you were close to him.  I heard that you had to tell June Cook; that must have been rough.”

 

“Get out of here.  What do you know about it?  Do you know she even wanted me to kill the dog that Cookie loved?”

 

Doyle dropped his head then flopped back into the large chair, saying nothing.  Bodie could see how much the older man was hurting, and Bodie certainly hadn’t helped.

 

Bodie moved over to a chair that was closer to his former partner.  He hated it when Doyle was hurting.  Normally, when either of them was feeling the trauma of a case gone bad or personal problems, they had turned to each other for comfort which often ended in sex, but not this time.  Sex was not the answer, but maybe comfort was.

 

“Ray, I realize that I failed you when I left, but I’m here now, talk to me.  Tell me what June said.”

 

“You’re not my boss; you don’t order me around, besides, why are you still around?  If you’ve left Jase then why aren’t you looking for a new job in Bora Bora or some other exotic place ‘cause that’s what you always do isn’t it . . . run away?”

 

Bodie sat there staring at his former partner.  Then, he stood up, towering over Doyle, “You’re right, I’ve always run away from commitment.  I thought I loved Dulchone, but Krivas killed her.  I romanced Marikka twice and knew both times that nothing would come of it, and then . . . Jimmy Keller got me in the sack and you know how that ended?  I guess I’m a real loser in choosing someone to be committed to.  I’ve always been afraid of that dark abyss because I’m tired of being hurt.

Since running away is what you expect of me, I might as well fulfil your expectations of a raving lunatic ex-merc.”

 

Bodie turned and headed towards the door, but was stopped when he heard Doyle’s sharp voice demand, “You mentioned Duchone, Marikka, and Keller; how come they count as commitments and I don’t?  Is it because all we had was sex?  If I remember correctly, that’s all you wanted, so that’s what I gave you.  Maybe you better keep on runnin’ ‘cause I’m tired of waitin’ and hopin’.”

 

Bodie turned and stared then nodded his head at the slender man who had become important enough to him that he had hung around for five years.  “I’m sorry I failed you, Doyle, seems that’s all I ever do.  Tell Murph to take care of you or I’ll come and thump him.”

 

Doyle looked at Bodie’s back and then said with a sarcastic voice, “Your brain gone bad?  Murph told me that he told you that I’m paired with Coltrane.  He’s a good partner, RELIABLE, and LOYAL.”

 

Bodie turned once again and said with a large amount of smugness in his voice, “Oh, is that why you thumped him when he told you that he had suggested a permanent partnership to Cowley?”

 

Doyle’s handsome turned several shades of red.  As he pulled his long slender hands out of his pockets, he mumbled, “That Murphy really does have a big mouth . . .

Well, we . . . uh, sort of patched that up.  I told him that I needed to think about a permanent partnership for awhile ‘cause the last partner I had deserted me like rats from a ship.”

 

Bodie was silent for a moment then took a breath and asked, “So, you and Coltrane aren’t cuffed together yet?”

 

“No, but I’m thinkin’ about it.”

 

Bodie’s pouty lips smiled, but his dark blue eyes only showed despair.  “So, you wouldn’t be open to somebody else as a partner?  It has to be . . . Coltrane?”

 

Doyle looked suspiciously into the Mediterranean blue eyes and asked with hesitancy, “Like who?  I like working with Murph and Jax, but Cowley wants to keep them solo, so who you trying to dump me off onto?”

 

“Dump is right.  I remember when I first took you on.  Had to teach you everything you knew.  You were just damn lucky that I put up with a scrawny, know-it-all ex-copper like you.”

 

For a moment Bodie thought that Doyle was going to attack him, but that energetic, power driven machine that was his golli backed down a gear as he folded his arms around his chest and asked, “And just who did you have in mind for me to work with?”

 

“The only perfect agent and man in the department, ‘cause you deserve to work with the best, sunshine, and I’m the best, and you know it.”

 

“Thought you quit CI5?”

 

“Talked to Cowley this afternoon, and he said I could come back to the A Squad anytime I wanted since he needs men like me.  The place has really gone down hill in the months since I left.”

 

“What makes you think that I would want to be your partner anymore?”

 

“’Cause we were the best, and we can still be the best.”

 

Doyle nodded his curls, while replying, “Maybe,” but what about the physical side of the partnership?”

 

“Whatever you want, Ray, you decide.”

 

“No thanks, Bodie.  I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

Bodie stood there stunned. _Ray doesn’t want to be my partner?_

Bodie stood there, feeling his legs begin to buckle.  It had never occurred to him that Doyle would turn him down.  Of course, the crazy golli would rant and rave, but in the end he would come round, and now Doyle was telling him ‘no’!!!!

 

Pulling himself together, Bodie managed to make it to the door without saying a word because he didn’t really trust himself.  He couldn’t blame Doyle for rejecting him, so many others had done the same, but he’d always thought Doyle would come around.  He was just about ready to open the door when a thought came to mind about something Doyle had said, turning he stared at the pugnacious man, standing as if he was braced for another disappointment, “What’d you mean . . . that you were tired of waitin’ and hopin’?”

 

Doyle stared at him; his mouth slightly open as if he were dumbstruck at his stupidity in letting that slip.  Doyle dropped his head, staring at the floor so only his auburn curls could be seen.  Obviously he was playing for time.

 

For the first time Bodie took heart that maybe not all was lost, if he could just get the reticent, moody, stubborn golli to own up to his true feelings.  In a voice barely above a whisper, Bodie put a lot of affection into his next words, “Come on, Angelfish, can’t you tell me?”

 

Doyle shook his head, his curls swinging violently, then he looked up at his former partner, his green eyes like small laser probes penetrating Bodie’s barrier, “Why should I?  Why do I have to be the one to confess?  You left me, remember?”

 

“I know I did sunshine.  I know I did, but I’ve always run when I’ve been afraid.”

 

“Afraid of what?”

 

Bodie waggled his head slightly, “Commitment, I guess.  I’ve trusted too few people in my day because the ones I have trusted have let me down.  Contrary to your opinion of mercs and me especially I can be hurt and I’ve had enough so I run first to avoid it.”

 

“Have you ever thought that maybe that’s why you’ve been hurt?  If you can’t trust someone, how do you suppose they can trust you, if they’re always expectin’ you to run first?  I thought our five years meant something, and then you throw me over for that . . . that handsome hunk who you bedded 15 years before.  Can’t you see how I felt?  I know you think I’m ugly and certainly not worth your time in bed, but I thought you trusted me?”

 

Bodie’s face only showed astonishment at Doyle’s assessment of Bodie’s feelings for his ex-partner.  Fury then replaced his astonishment as he blurted out, “You are a moron, Doyle.  Don’t you know that you are gorgeous . . . especially when you are in bed with me?  I love to see that skinny body on display and when you are taking me, I feel like a king.  No one . . . no one has ever made me feel that way.  You are not ugly; I know I tease you about that but it’s only to protect meself from wantin’ to take you into my arms and hug you.  Haven’t you noticed how I’ve always got me hands on you?  Remember the time when I goosed you practically right in front of Jack.  You went along with it; never said a thing.”

 

Doyle smiled briefly wistfully remembering that moment, but then his face hardened as he remembered, “Well, then what is this with setting parameters about us in bed . . . only sex you said, nothing else.  How many times have you said that to me?  No sentimentality . . . you called it twaddle, don’t tell me that was just more cover, pull the other leg, Bodie.”

 

Bodie shook his head; his eyes showed his despair.  “You’re right, sunshine, I’ve been a twit.  After five years of being with you, smelling your skin, drinking your essence, and needing to be with you, I got shook.  I got scared of needing you so much that I began to tell myself that I was too near to committing me life to you.  Then, Jase came along and I used him as my excuse.  I turned to him, hoping I could forget the image that I had of you writhing in my arms, all wild and crazy.”

 

“I don’t understand. If I meant so much to you and why’d you walk out on me when your contract expired?  You left me to take another job.  Why are you here now after all these months?”

 

“I can’t . . . I never could stand to see you hurt.  When Murph told me about Cook and you havin’ to tell June Cook, I knew you’d be hurtin’ and I didn’t know if you had anybody here to comfort you, especially bein’ suspended and all.”

 

Ice crystals appeared in Doyle’s eyes, “And are you here now to comfort me?”

 

Bodie almost said yes then he realized what Doyle was really asking.  Anger rose in his throat, but he forced it back down as he admitted to himself that he couldn’t blame Doyle, after all he had been the one to set the rules of their intimacy.  Shaking his head, Bodie replied, “I’m here to give you comfort, not sex.  I’m here as a friend, if you’ll have me.  Nothing more.  You mean everything to me, sunshine, but I will take what you can give me.”

 

Doyle stood rigid, finding it hard to believe that the man, who had walked out on so many, including himself, was now ready to give more to a relationship.  In a whisper so quiet, Bodie could barely hear, Doyle asked, “And suppose the only thing I’m willing to give is sex?”

 

Bodie felt his heart break.  He now knew it was over.  He couldn’t treat Doyle as he had so many others.  He stood for a moment, looking at the man that he had lost due to his own fears, and whispered, “I’ll be your friend, your partner, your lover, but I won’t be just your sex mate, not anymore.” Bodie turned towards the door before he broke down entirely.

 

From behind him, Bodie heard the words that he could hardly believe, “I love you, William Bodie.  Will you take that?”

 

Bodie was afraid to turn, for fear that Doyle was making a jest or cruelly taunting him, but he could hear the light steps of the skinny man coming towards him.  Suddenly he was in strong hands that were turning him around.  Doyle embraced him in a hug that almost robbed him of his breath.  Then Doyle kissed him so hard that he felt as if he had lost his tonsils into the vacuum that was Doyle’s mouth.  They had seldom kissed when they were just having sex and this was a new but exciting experience for Bodie.  Doyle’s mouth was wonderful, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

 

“What are you doin’, sunshine?”

 

“Can’t you tell?  And you call me a moron!”

 

“I mean, if all you want is sex, and you don’t want me as your partner, then why are you actin’ like this now?  Are you gettin’ back at me for the way I treated you?”

 

For a moment, Doyle’s temper rose, but then he looked into the insecure and wary eyes that studied him carefully.  Doyle realized that Bodie had had very few people in his life who had trusted and loved him absolutely and that it would take awhile for Bodie to accept that there was nothing that Doyle wouldn’t do for his friend, including jump into the abyss of commitment if Bodie was willing to do the same.

 

Doyle smile lit up his face as he studied the man who had become so much a part of his life.  When that person had so rudely withdrawn from his presence, Doyle had been angry, but he had already realized his true feelings for the dumb crud.  Now if Bodie could just do the same.  After all, Doyle had laid it on the line when he had confessed his love for Bodie, what if Bodie was interested in commitment for a few years until he tired of it?  What if he only lusted after Doyle and nothing else?

 

Bodie read the frown on Doyle’s face perfectly, smiling silently to himself.  His golli would worry himself into a stew if he didn’t do something fast, but before he said anything, the blackness at the edge of the abyss seemed to open up, as he told himself, if you do this, there is no going back because this is Ray.  _If I betray him after he’s given me his love, then he’ll be shattered and never forgive me._  Bodie knew his golli well.  He could hold grudges into eternity, and that’s what would be Bodie’s fate. 

 

In those seconds as thousands of thoughts ran through the ex-merc’s mind, Bodie realized that it would be better to betray Doyle now than let this go any further.  Doyle might get over it that way, at some future time. 

 

Bodie continued to stand there staring into the ever deepening abyss, then he realized that Doyle was there waiting for him so the depths of commitment that Doyle expected from him weren’t so frightening.  His greatest fear was losing Doyle; not committing to the moodiest, sharp-tongued individual on the face of the planet.  Not commiting was stupid because it meant losing Doyle.  Smiling his most endearing smile, Bodie looked deeply into the green orbs at the fear that lurked there.  Kissing his love on his perfect nose, Bodie whispered, “Let’s discuss this more in the privacy of your bedroom.”

 

For a moment Doyle seemed to question Bodie’s motives, but then he looked into the depths of the midnight blue eyes and saw the love and affection that dwelled there.  Nodding, Doyle grabbed Bodie’s hand and led him into the bedroom.  By the time they arrived at the king-size bed both men were undressed.  Without hesitating, Bodie grabbed his lover and dragged him onto the bed. 

 

Bodie began to kiss every inch of the beloved body.  He buried his nose in the furry chest and inched his way down to the auburn curls at the groin.  Doyle’s manhood was standing erect, filled with need.  Quickly Bodie licked the gorgeous cock and then swallowed it into his mouth.  Both men were too far gone to last long.  Within seconds, long spurts of crème erupted into his mouth as  Bodie drank it greedily, swallowing every morsel.  Finally, the two men fell back exhausted into each other’s arms.  Pulling the duvet over their spent bodies, Doyle whispered, “But, what about you, love?”

 

Barely awake, Bodie lightly caressed the nearest Doyle ear as he whispered, “Been too many months without you, couldn’t wait.”

 

Sleepily Doyle looked at his worn-out mate, “You mean you came without me doin’ anything?”

 

“What do ya mean, ‘without doin’ anything, just the smell and look of you was enough to send me overboard.  Don’t you know you’re a walkin’ wet dream?  Now go to sleep.  I have to have my beauty sleep ‘cause I got to report to Macklin for a refresher course in exactly two days.”

 

“You mean you’re going to leave me, just when we got back together after all this time?”

 

“Not exactly.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Uh, well, the Cow thought that you might . . . well, should go along with your partner and have the refresher course too.”

 

“Whaaaatttt?  Why should I do that?  I’ve been on the job all these months; I don’t need a refresher course.”

 

“Well, he said something about partners doing that for their partner.  Thought that was kind of poetic.”

 

“Poetic, I’ll give you poetic, W. A. P. Bodie.  You owe me big time for this.”

 

“I know sweetheart, and I will definitely make it up to you.  After all, I’m going to be your family now, aren’t I?”

 

Suddenly, Doyle ducked his head down into Bodie’s collarbone area as if trying to seek the comfort of the large man.  This simple gesture shook Bodie.  Why was Ray so upset?

 

“What’s the matter, angelfish?”

 

His voice muffled because his mouth was still buried in Bodie’s chest, Doyle whispered, “That’s what June said to me; that I didn’t have a family.  It didn’t matter what happened to me, but I shouldn’t have recruited Cookie into CI5 because he did have a family.”

 

Bodie closed his eyes, realizing why Doyle had been in so much pain; what a lousy thing to say to his partner, but he knew June was hurting, and she wanted to strike back.  Mumbling some nonsense words of comfort, Bodie soothed his upset lover and then reminded him, “Well, I’m your family now; so you hear me good, you got someone to worry about and someone who worries about you, so it does matter what we do since it will be for the rest of our lives.”

 

The two men settled down into each other’s arms and as they slid into sleep, Doyle heard Bodie’s whispered, “Love you, Ray,” as he fell asleep.

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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